All too often, we’re forced to pick between two things, be it what to order at a restaurant or who to give your time. Choices aren’t easy, particularly when, generally, there are more things to do than there is time. Relationships are often the ultimate test of this, so much so that not prioritizing things correctly can and will cause actual conflict.
A netizen asked if he was wrong to prioritize attending his sister’s wedding instead of his girlfriend’s birthday. Conflict arose when the GF decided to issue an ultimatum over this, while readers did their best to give some advice and suggestions in the comments.
Sometimes it can feel like life is shoving too many things into one’s plate
Image credits: Jayson Hinrichsen (not the actual image)
So one man had to deal with a very unhappy GF when he wanted to attend his sister’s wedding over her birthday
Image credits: Ahmed (not the actual image)
Image credits: cookie_studio (not the actual image)
Image credits: weirdbutok__
Ultimatums are not really associated with things going well
Getting an ultimatum in a relationship feels a bit like being shoved onto a game show you never signed up for, except instead of winning a car, you’re just trying not to end up single. It’s rarely a casual, low-stakes moment. No one gives an ultimatum over something mundane, everyday. If they do, run, that’s a pretty huge red flag. . It’s usually something big, often, like in this story, related to attention, priorities and time. And suddenly, the relationship isn’t a partnership anymore, it’s a ticking time bomb, and you’re now on the hook to defuse it.
Even if the demand is reasonable, it still stings. Because an ultimatum doesn’t just say “I need this.” It says “You have no other options but to comply or walk away.” It turns love into a transaction, where one person is the boss and the other is scrambling to meet the requirements, reasonable or not. Of course, sometimes ultimatums are necessary, when someone refuses to change harmful behavior, for instance. But other times, they’re just a shortcut for avoiding real communication. Instead of talking, compromising, and figuring things out together, one person decides it’s their way or the highway.
And when you’re on the receiving end? It’s lonely. It makes you question if your choices matter or if you were just here to fill a role. Because even if you do end up meeting the demand, there’s always that lingering feeling of uncertainty, did you pick the “right” option or were you coerced into it.
Image credits: mandriapix (not the actual image)
But some readers jumped to conclusions a bit early
As many commenters note, the girlfriend being upset isn’t unreasonable, particularly if she was really looking forward to her birthday, however, turning it into an ultimatum was the real issue. Importantly, this wasn’t some understandable demand like “stop texting other girls” but a choice between her and his family. As he posted, his sister is, hopefully, only getting married once, this is not something you can miss. A birthday, as important as it might seem, comes around every single year.
This isn’t to disregard her feelings, but she has to remember that her BF’s sister was there first. This is not the sort of relationship she can just butt in on. There are cases of someone being all too close with their family, to the point where it’s “weird” but attending your sibling’s wedding is a very normal thing to do.
Fortunately, as he shares in a small update, she did seem to come around. Many comments suggested he break up with her for issuing an ultimatum which can be good advice, however, all too many netizens are eager to give suggestions with long-lasting consequences without actually knowing the situation.
Image credits: vh-studio (not the actual image)
Some folks needed more info
Many saw his point of view
Some thought everyone was being unreasonable
Some thought he needed to prioritize his GF
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