It’s easy to give relationship advice; following it, however, can be a real nightmare because one wrong move can lead to heartache and heartbreak. But whatever your stance about relationships, two things are for sure—they’re a lot of work and we have a lot of illusions about love.
The members of the r/AskReddit community shared their hard-to-swallow pills about relationships in a candid thread started up by user AsontiRelay. The thread, which got 38.7k upvotes and a whopping 7.7k comments, might just give you a fresh (and more honest) perspective on romance. As you’re scrolling down, upvote the answers that you agree with and be sure to share your own perspective below.
Harsh truths that lead to better communication? Emotional opinions that are too cynical? It's up to you to decide, dear Pandas.
#1
Kids make it harder, not easier.
Image credits: yogfthagen
#2
Relationships aren't magical be all and end all cures for mental illness, i have seen depressed people walk in to a relationship and destroy the people.
Image credits: Empty-Refrigerator
#3
Losing your identity within a relationship is easy to do. Finding it again isn’t. Remember to keep your friends and hobbies.
Image credits: Ieatclowns
Bored Panda spoke about romance, dating, and what to do if somebody is sitting on the fence about breaking up with relationship expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man. According to Dan, what a person ought to do if they’re in such a situation is unique for everyone.
However, Dan suggested that if you’re considering breaking up with someone to analyze what the reasons behind this might be. “It really depends on why you are on the fence about breaking up. If you’re temporarily feeling that way after a fight, or a problem that occurred in the relationship [or if] you feel that way all the time, or very often.”
#4
You can't look for someone else to be your "other half", you have to learn how to be a whole person on your own. This means being able to take care of your own emotional needs, too.
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#5
Putting off ending things for fear of hurting someones feelings is the worst possible idea.If the relationship isn’t right and you know you don’t want to be together then sparing someone’s feelings in the short term only leads to more pain later down the line. Be honest and front the horrible conversation
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#6
its perfectly ok to want some space every once in awhile between you and your partner.
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According to dating expert Dan, there’s absolutely no need to break up with your significant other, girlfriend, or boyfriend if your feelings about going your separate ways are temporary. In short: if the problem can be resolved, it’s best not to take any rash decisions.
In fact, there’s a silver lining to having disagreements with the person you love (or, let’s be honest, the person who you might fall in love with in the future). Solving problems, both small and big, can benefit the relationship! Overcoming hardships and challenges can lead to greater intimacy in the future.
#7
Your partner (or you) can one day just not love you anymore. And there is nothing you can do about it.
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#8
Your partner should be kind to you and vice versa. If you wouldn't accept the behavior from a friend then you absolutely should not accept it from a partner.
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#9
You can’t ever truly repair the damage from breaking someone’s trust.
Image credits: Posersophist
“You need to understand that overcoming problems together as a couple can make you closer, stronger, and more committed if you approach it correctly,” relationship expert Dan told Bored Panda in an interview.
#10
"He's never changed a diaper, doesn't know how to feed them, has never dealt with a night wake-up and I do all the housework and work full time. I'm at the end of my rope but I don't want to leave him, he's such a great father!"He's not a great father.
A great father doesn't just play with the kid when the mood strikes him. A great father is an equal caregiver because he loves his kids and wants to do things for them.
Image credits: two__sheds
#11
If you’re weeks into a relationship and it’s already complicated, intense, tense, frustrating...cut your losses. if it’s bad when it starts, it likely won’t get better.
Image credits: Freshman50000
#12
Sometimes you're the s***ty person in the relationship.According to the expert, when both people in a couple are supportive of each other, they both grow from the experience. What’s more, there has to be a certain amount of trust between both people: you need to trust that your partner has good intentions, even if you’ve recently been arguing.
#13
If you get a pet together and things go south, one of you isn’t getting the pet.
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#14
love is never gonna be the same as when you first fall in love with eachother
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#15
you’re both eventually going to get older and fatter and accept it.
Image credits: lovethebee_bethebee
However, things are different if you constantly think about breaking up or if you’re always feeling horrible after spending time with your partner. That’s when you need to consider the fact that this person might not be your soulmate and might need to move on. However hard that might be.
#16
Sexual compatibility is important.
Image credits: Thecinnamingirl
#17
That real, long term relationships require A LOT of forgiveness.
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#18
The only rules that matter are the rules you BOTH agree to.
Image credits: yogfthagen
“If wanting to break up is a feeling that you have all the time, or very often, then that person isn’t the one for you,” relationship expert Dan explained. In his opinion, good relationships have to be unambiguous—if you’re flip-flopping between radically different feelings toward your partner on a regular basis, there might be something off.
#19
The right person may be someone you would never expect. Don't make choices based on your prejudices.
Image credits: yogfthagen
#20
You cannot cannot cannot change them. If you need a project, get a hobby.
Image credits: yogfthagen
#21
You will both change. It will not be the same forever. Learn to adapt your relationship.
Image credits: yogfthagen
“When a couple love each other and truly want to be with each other for life, they won’t be on the fence about it,” Dan said. “It will be as clear as day for them that they want to be with each other and no-one else, so breaking up won’t even seem like an option to them.”
#22
You can meet the perfect person, but if it's not the right time, it's not going to work.
Image credits: yogfthagen
#23
Relationships can work based on mutual respect and connection, but the person next to you might not be your "soulmate" - just someone you care about and get along with.
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#24
You're the mean, obnoxious one sometimes.
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The relationship expert continued: “It will almost seem laughable because they know they wouldn’t want to be with anyone else as much as they want to be with each other.” In other words, a strong couple is one that doesn’t entertain the idea of leaving one another over some minor disagreements.
#25
when you make big decisions in your life you now have to take into consideration another person.
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#26
That your partner is never going to be the source of your happiness or fulfillment in life.
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#27
You're not "the one", you become each other's one.
Image credits: Nibba25_17
“If they happen to have an argument or experience a problem in the relationship, they might temporarily feel a bit annoyed at each other, but they’ll both be willing to fix it, grow and make the relationship better from then on,” Dan said.
“That’s what the happiest, most in love couples do,” he added.
#28
Love won't solve everything, love DOES have limits and love certainly doesn't pay the bills.
Image credits: BiggieFriesnShake
#29
You are both deeply flawed and that should be acknowledged. Idolizing only makes it harder when something should be addressed.
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#30
That physical abuse is NEVER in anyway a sign of ‘showing love’.
Image credits: BlueTearsNoFears
What about you, dear Pandas? What hard-to-swallow truths about relationships would you like to share with us? What’s the best advice about love and romance you’ve ever heard? We can’t wait to hear what you think, so write up a comment and post it below!
#31
We cannot expect our partner or ourselves to be the same person a year or ten years into a relationship.
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#32
Just because you aren't happy 24/7 doesn't mean the person you're with isn't good for you at the end of the day.
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#33
If you hadn't met your partner they would probably be equally happy with someone else. You would also probably be equally happy with someone else.
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#34
Your loved one can wake up tomorrow and decide they don't love you anymore
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#35
Just because you argue doesn’t mean you should split up! Relationships have ups and downs but if you are in one of the downs just think about how it was in one of the ups and do everything you can to be like that again! That goes for both of you.
Image credits: Anakin_-_Skywalker
#36
Sometimes you aren't your soulmate's soulmate.
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#37
Communication is not the key, comprehension is. You can talk all day but if you dont understand each other then your communication is pointless.
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#38
As my dad always says, “you might not always like your SO but you should always love them.” Basically everyday you should love them but there will be days you don’t like them or their actions/behavior
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#39
Don’t expect constant sex. It’s unhealthy to build a relationship on sex without anything else.
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#40
Familial relationships also need the effort that all other types get, or else they will fall apart.
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#41
Sometimes one of the partners is going to need to carry the weight for a while, whether it's emotionally, financially, mentally, whatever.
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#42
Lots of people are actually looking for contradictions in relationships. A lot of people want someone who won't use them for anything, but who they can use themselves to fulfill their own needs or desires.
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#43
Eventually one of you has to die first.
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#44
Over the course of ten years, the person you fell in love with could transform into someone you'd never have gone on a second date with had they been that way when you met.
Image credits: PhilipLiptonSchrute
#45
Once you get beyond the initial lust/heart-fluttery part of a romantic relationship, you begin to realize that love looks a lot different than the rom-com movies.
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#46
If someone is gunna cheat, there is no stopping them by checking their phone, messages, where they go or whatever. They r gunna cheat regardless
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#47
Sometimes things don't work. Even if both parties are objectively wonderful people. Even if they love each other and enjoy their lives together. Sometimes things just get in the way and force you to make a hard choice.
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#48
Not everyone will value your relationship like you do. It's VERY important to make sure you both have the same expectations and values; otherwise like two unequally yoked animals, you will continue to walk in circles over the same ground.
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#49
When you look at someone with rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. It's easy to dismiss toxic characteristics because of love. Sometimes you won't get that clarity until you're a safe distance away.
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#50
Sometimes you'll be abusive without being aware of it.
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#51
If it endangers your mental health, it's not worth it.
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#52
Love isn’t everything. Two people can love each other deeply while being terrible for each other, treating each other poorly, etc. all the love in the world doesn’t compensate for lack of growth.
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#53
Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them. A relationship needs more than love
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#54
It takes two to be in a relationship. If one person is putting in all the effort and the other isn't, it's eventually all going to fall apart when the one who is giving the effort stops. Great relationships are mutual.
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#55
You should not be anxious about the relationship all the time, if it's a good partnership both of your lives should be easier.
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#56
People keep changing as their life goes on, and there are no guarantees that you and your partner will change in compatible ways. Someone can be your soulmate today, but in a year the person they've become may not be the soulmate of the person you've become.While you shouldn't simply give up on a relationship the moment you hit a rough patch, you also shouldn't let a happy past keep you in a miserable present.
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#57
You could do everything right and still lose them.
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#58
Eventually love is not being "crazy in love" all the time.
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#59
At a certain point, you have to accept some particular negative parts of your partners personality or move on.
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#60
It’s much easier, and in many solid ways much better, if you come into the relationship similar in many ways. It’s okay to acknowledge that working harder for a relationship doesn’t make it better.
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#61
A lot of it is boring. The "magical moments" and massive "I love you so much posts" on social media are like 2% of the time. A majority of a relationship is just everyday living.
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#62
Sometimes you just want some space, a little bit of peace and quiet, alone time. It doesn't mean they love you any less.
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#63
They aren't going to magically know you're upset with them. They aren't going to read your passive-aggressive signs. They aren't going to pick up on that.Be direct. If you are upset, talk to your partner about it. Not your friends. Not you parents. Not strangers on the internet - your partner.
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#64
Sometimes you can be perfect for each other, and it still won't work out.
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#65
Not loving anymore your partner is not an excuse for cheating.
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#66
That, even in the happiest of relationship, you WILL still develop crushes on other people. It’s normal.
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#67
Wrong person, right time is a thing, but so is right person, wrong time. And sometimes things just aren't meant at all.
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#68
Happy wife, happy life is bulls**t. Just because one is happy, doesn't mean the other one is too. Happy house, happy spouse is the way to go.
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#69
The person you're going to "spend every day of the rest of your life with" will be the person who doesn't get mad if you can't interact with them 24/7/365.
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#70
All relationships end with goodbye. Sometimes through breaking up and sometimes through death.
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#71
As a teen you chase the butterflies high of relationships. As an adult you have to learn that as your hormones settle, you need settle too and not constantly be seeking the highs and creating conflict to achieve them.
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#72
It’s not sunshine and burritos every day. Sometimes you’ll screw up, sometimes they’ll screw up.
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#73
It is work. It's not just happily ever after and you're happy forever.
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#74
No matter how good or happy you feel, it can all go to s**t the next day, or week.
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#75
Loving someone and being loved puts you in a position of mutual responsibility. You need to be willing to make compromises because you value your partners happiness and respect their needs.
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#76
"Fixer-upper" relationships often lead to disaster.
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