Marrying a person does mean, for better or worse, marrying into their family. Sometimes this just means more people around for the holidays and sometimes it means having to deal with some of the most entitled and delusional people showing up at your house.
A woman shared her horrible encounter with a MIL who would just show up unannounced and start making demands. After her husband failed to back her up sufficiently, she decided to have a sitdown. Fortunately, we all got a little closure, as she later shared a sizable update on how the situation was resolved.
Unannounced houseguests are the worst
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But one woman had the misfortune to have to deal with a MIL who just showed up at random times
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Image credits: anonymous
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It’s important to not let random people tell you that they should be allowed to walk over you
Unlike random strangers, family in general and in laws in particular can be hard to deal with because you generally can’t just slam the door and yell “go away” without repercussions. Cutting ties with family members is just a lot harder, as is avoiding them, as this story just goes to show.
The word “boundaries” tends to get thrown around a lot, often leaving some folks believing it’s another bit of “therapy speak” (which it is) but this doesn’t diminish the fact that this is a very important idea. As a human, you need to be able to tell people when and where they stop when it comes to your time and space.
In short, narcissists will often attempt to gaslight people (another therapy speak buzzword, but no less valid) that they are entitled to your time, attention and energy. For example, in this story, the MIL attempts to shame the woman for not wanting to immediately entertain her, despite zero warning. This sort of behavior is absolutely horrible and tends to come out during large holidays which, traditionally, folks spend together.
When asked to just give a warning, she spins this into some personal attack, as if sending a text message ahead of time is the same as somehow barring her from seeing her son. This is classic narcissist behavior, where they attempt to shame people by claiming victimhood after being told to respect a boundary.
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Enforcing boundaries can be pretty hard for chronic people pleasers
Unfortunately, her husband does not take her side in this particular story. This is often one of the main issues people face when it comes to horrible in-laws. They need their significant other to back them up but they either pretend to not see the issue or even take their parent’s side. As many of the commenters noted, she has as much a MIL problem as she has a husband problem.
It’s also important to note that boundaries don’t even have to be as extreme, it’s perfectly normal to have topics you don’t want to talk about or to set certain limits. People pleasers might struggle with this, but at the end of the day, you are just asking people to respect you, which begs the question, if someone does not want to respect you, why are you trying to please them in the first place? Saying no is ultimately both better for you and your relationships.
Ultimately, there can always be some give and take. A boundary can be crossed, but it’s worth communicating how you feel and allowing someone to make amends. However, as this woman shared in the update, which can be found beyond the comments below, this does not seem like it’s going to happen in this case.
Some folks needed more info
Readers also called out her husband and shared their thoughts
Later, she posted a sizable update
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