Everyone has some kind of quirk that brings them joy. Some people smack their lips while chewing, others hum while cooking, and there are even a few who overuse air quotes. Whatever peculiarity a person may have, as long as it’s not harming anyone else, other folks don’t need to have an opinion about it.
Unfortunately, the mother-in-law in this story didn’t get that memo. She was so annoyed by her son-in-law’s habit of sitting on his home stairs that she threw a fit over it and stormed out, leaving everyone puzzled.
More info: Reddit
People should be allowed to do whatever they want in their own homes without anyone else fussing over their actions
Image credits: senivpetro / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that she wasn’t sure if her mother was a perfectionist or a narcissist but that she’d always make a fuss over even the tiniest things
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman’s husband had a quirk of hanging out on the stairs to relax, but his mother-in-law, who thought it was childish and embarrassing, said it was “not proper” to do
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman stood up for her husband and said he could do whatever he wanted to in his own house, but her mom didn’t like that and stormed off to stay at a hotel
Image credits: garbonzobean22
Even though the poster knew that her mom often tended to be overdramatic, she still felt bad about digging her heels in over her husband’s stair-sitting behavior
As the woman told netizens, her mother always tried to pick at minor incidents just to show her superiority. Whether this was due to her being a perfectionist or narcissist, nobody knows, but it shows that she always seemed to put others down in some way or the other. She definitely singled out her son-in-law as the next victim when visiting their house.
Setting boundaries or confronting this type of person is difficult but not impossible. To understand how to do that, Bored Panda reached out to Jess Miller, the creator of Mind Your Boundaries. She is passionate about helping families find common ground and avoid unnecessary conflict. Be sure to grab her free Holiday Survival Guide for tips to maintain peace and connection during family gatherings.
Jess told us that “typically, people don’t realize they need a boundary until a limit is crossed. However, if you anticipate a situation where expectations might clash, it’s a good idea to establish boundaries beforehand. For example, if in-laws are staying at your house, you might say, ‘Here’s what works best for us while you’re here,’ and outline expectations for them.” she explained.
We also reached out to Kerry Kerr McAvoy (PhD) to understand boundary-setting from a psychological perspective. Kerry is a retired psychologist, author, and an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse and helps victims break free and heal from abusive relationships.
We asked Dr. Kerry how to handle a situation like this. She said, “Here are some things I’d consider:
- Is their complaint about a lifestyle preference, interpersonal dynamic, or a difference in ideology or habit?
- Are they upset because it impacts them or me?
- Is this matter any of their business or are they overstepping?
- Are they addressing the issue with me in an adult-like manner?
These answers will give valuable information and can help guide how to address the boundary breach.”
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When the woman noticed that her son-in-law was sitting on his own staircase, she felt the need to call it out. She did not care whether it brought him joy but felt that it was improper and embarrassing to do something like that. She also thought that it was childish behavior and said “He can sit in the living room like an adult.”
Dr. Kerry explained that “in this situation, her mother was reacting to a personal preference about a matter that was none of her business.” Dr. Kerry also said that “parents of adult children sometimes struggle to shift their role from one of power to something more collegial or collaborative.”
Jess Miller said: “The author of this Reddit post handled the situation perfectly, in my opinion. Boundaries are about managing your own behavior and decisions; they are entirely within your control. In this case, she clearly stated her boundary, [and it’s] a fantastic example of holding space for her partner while managing an overstepping parent.”
“The key here is that she didn’t get reactive or escalate the conflict herself. She tried to diffuse it by continuing the conversation and moving forward with the evening. It was her mother who escalated the situation by storming out. This highlights an important principle of boundaries: you can’t control how others respond to them,” Jess shared.
Image credits: Ivan Samkov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It’s very hard to deal with a loved one who insists on crossing boundaries. Folks often feel torn between just giving in to the other person’s demands or standing their ground. Sometimes, it can help to keep the peace, but not when it comes at the cost of either your or your partner’s mental health.
Jess gave us actionable steps to use if in-laws keep disrespecting boundaries. She said that one should reinforce the boundary and calmly remind them of your initial request. If the boundary involves limiting their access or behavior, be ready to implement it, and if the disrespect persists, make changes to how you interact with them.
Dr. McAvoy also explained that “boundaries are declarations of who we are, what we like and dislike. We aren’t setting limits with someone else but rather stating what we will and won’t allow. I’d recommend the daughter in this example establish with her mom that the sitting-in-the-stairwell habit isn’t changing, but rather is a condition her mother will have to consider when deciding to visit.”
Regardless of whether the incident ended with the mom’s hissy fit, it’s great that the OP stuck by her partner’s side. It’s safe to say that boundary-setting is a lot of work, but it’s definitely worth it.
After all that went down, what are your thoughts on the mother-in-law’s behavior? Have you ever had to deal with a person like that?
Folks found the mom’s behavior overbearing and felt that the poster handled the situation perfectly by standing up to her
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