Disagreement on house chores is one of the root causes of arguments among married couples. That accounts for 55% of survey respondents in the UK and 25% in the US, which went as far as divorce.
The couple in the story you’re about to read is part of these statistics. The man is a stay-at-home dad who couldn’t keep up with his working wife’s cleaning standards. The bickering and name-calling pushed the woman to leave with their kids and bunk at her mother’s house for a while.
The tension urged the author to ask the AITAH subreddit if he was in the wrong, to which he received candid responses.
House chores are one of the common reasons for arguments among married couples
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A man was unable to meet his wife’s cleaning standards, causing a major fight
Image credits: Timur Weber/Pexels (not the actual photo)
He detailed the list of chores he deals with daily as a stay-at-home dad, which he found excessive
Image credits: Gary Barnes/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The bickering urged the wife to leave with the kids for her mother’s house and the husband to ask the internet for answers
Image credit: amithehubslob
Traditional gender roles play a role in the uneven distribution of housework that leads to rifts
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According to author and marriage consultant Sheri Stritof, traditional dynamics among husbands and wives often lead to housework disputes.
Her article for Very Well Mind mentioned how chores that “involve greater autonomy” are often characterized as a “man’s work.” These may include lawn mowing, sorting out household finances, and repairing whatever’s broken.
Stritof says that “repetitive” and “mundane” chores are usually associated with women. These may be cooking, doing laundry, or washing the dishes.
As Stritof also pointed out, uneven distribution of household chores may lead to severe repercussions. Couples may experience decreased marital satisfaction, increased distress, and worse mental health, all of which may increase the risk of divorce.
The role switch wherein the author is the stay-at-home parent and the woman is the breadwinner could contribute to their misunderstanding. It may have exacerbated the couple’s clashing perceptions about cleanliness and organization.
Household chores aren’t the root of the problem
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According to couples counselor and licensed psychologist Dr. Heather Z. Lyons, housework could help couples understand each other better.
“Through housework, we communicate levels of importance in the relationship, we show our partners that we recognize them, uphold or challenge gender roles and connect,” Dr. Lyons said in an interview with NBC News.
The couple’s inability to meet each other’s standards has resulted in conflict, which has led to the wife running to her mother’s. Based on the author’s story, they didn’t seem to take a more diplomatic approach and instead went straight to name-calling.
In such situations, Dr. Lyons advises couples to hash things out and “get to the heart of how you feel,” whether it’s burdened or unsupported. According to her, this could explain what triggered the ill feelings for both parties.
The husband did recognize his fault and the need to help more around the house, which is a good sign of progress. Credit goes to him for that.
What do you think, readers? Do you agree with how the situation ended?
The husband provided more information through the commenters’ questions
Most people thought he was being a jerk
But a few were on his side
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