As all women know, it’s perfectly natural for mother-daughter relationships to shift around the time girls become pre-teens. Growing up is hard, and it’s likely that some tension will build between caring moms who just want their daughters to stay young forever and girls who are just starting to figure out who they are. Often, this relationship will sort itself out over time, and both parties will return to loving the other with their whole heart.
But one mother has been considering taking matters into her own hands by shipping her daughter off to boarding school. Below, you’ll find the full explanation of this situation, which the mom recently posted about on Mumsnet, as well as some of the replies concerned readers shared.
This mom has struggled to watch her daughter pull away as she grows closer to her father’s new girlfriend
Image credits: varyapigu / envato (not the actual photo)
So she reached out to parents online to find out if boarding school might help repair their relationship
Image credits: Victoria Heath / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Kira4
Later, the mom answered some questions from readers and provided additional information on the situation
It’s common for girls to have rocky relationships with their mothers while growing up
Growing up is hard for everyone. Your body and mind are constantly changing, you’re trying to learn new information everywhere you go, and figuring out your place in the world can feel overwhelming. It’s no wonder that girls and their mothers often develop complicated relationships.
According to Parenting Teens and Tweens, this often starts with the daughter pulling away, spending less time with Mom, and mothers becoming desperate to cling to the closeness they had when their daughter was younger. This, of course, often backfires when pre-teens and teens decide to distance themselves even more to assert their independence.
Pair this desire for freedom with the hormonal shifts that come along with going through puberty, and you’ve got a mother-daughter relationship that can often feel like riding a rollercoaster. Daughters might believe that their moms are controlling, unwilling to listen to them, unable to understand them and frustrating to deal with. Meanwhile, moms might start to fear that their little girls are getting out of control.
It can sometimes be easier for kids to confide in adults who aren’t their parents
I remember lashing out at my mother as a teen because she was much more strict than the majority of my friends’ parents. How dare she refuse to let me come home after 10pm? It’s the weekend, and I can drive myself. So unfair! It took a few years to realize that she was actually just concerned about my safety, and she didn’t want me on the road late at night with drunk drivers.
Peer pressure and the desire to fit in can also play a huge part in daughters pulling away from their moms, Parenting Teens and Tweens notes. And as painful as it may be for her mom, the young girl in this particular story might be more drawn to her dad’s girlfriend at the moment because she’s not her mother.
It’s likely that she feels more like a fun aunt or a step-parent who doesn’t enforce all of the rules and isn’t responsible for disciplining the 11-year-old. Their relationship may be focused on purely having fun, while Mom is forced to take on some of the less fun responsibilities like assigning chores, keeping tabs on schoolwork and enforcing a curfew. And it’s not always easy for kids to be honest with their parents, while many find it easier to confide in other adults, such as their grandparents.
The decision to attend boarding school should always be made by children and parents together
While boarding school might seem like a potential solution for this mother, readers were quick to warn her that it might actually do more harm than good. Boarding school can be a great option for kids who are actually excited to go and who will have the opportunity to receive a better education by attending one. But it should never be used as a punishment or forced upon a child.
For many kids, attending boarding school can be a lonely, isolating and even traumatic experience. In fact, there is even a term for it: “Boarding School Syndrome.” This does not happen to all kids who go away for their education, of course, but for some, the feeling of homesickness, being captive in a living situation that’s not truly home and the stress of being away from family can be too much to handle.
It’s important that children and their parents decide together that boarding school is a good idea before anyone gets shipped off, especially if they’ll end up a country away from all of their friends and family members. We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then, if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda piece discussing similar themes, look no further than right here!
Readers were quick to give the mother a reality check, noting that they didn’t support the idea of sending her daughter away
Finally, the mom chimed in again to say how shocked she was by the responses she received
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