It’s always exciting to receive an invitation to a party. Weddings, birthdays, bridal or baby showers are associated with celebrating and having a good time with your friends and family. Unfortunately, sometimes the demands in those invitations can make one’s eyes pop out in shock. There have been a fair share of stories about out-of-touch brides and their demands here on Bored Panda. We’ve even had some examples of ridiculous birthday party requests.
This time we selected the wildest stories from this Quora thread. People shared the most outrageous demands they’ve seen for weddings, birthdays and bridal showers. Let us know which ones surprised you the most. And don’t forget to share if you ever received a party demand that made you roll your eyes. Or even worse!
#1
This answer is really going to date me, but so be it. I received an invitation in which the bride and groom asked for money only. They wanted to take s 3 month tour overseas and wanted the guests to pay for it. It was suggested that you give $100 per person if a friend, $250 per person if a bridal party member and $500 if you were family. I was told they expected it whether you attended or not. I just thought it was rudely presented as a demand not a request. They expected us to give them $500 because our 3 children were invited. I haven’t even had a tour of Europe!
Image credits: Suzette Allison Rankin
#2
1990. I'm married.A male friend of ours is getting married and had asked my husband to be in the wedding party. He said yes. We had met his fiancée, Rachel, a handful of times but never got to know her on a personal level. Because of that, Rachel had suggested a get-together at her house prior to the wedding so that all the people who would be in the wedding could get to know one another. Makes sense.
A week later I got an invitation in the mail for the party, as well as a note stating:
“You are responsible for bringing 10 bottles of soda (must be name brand), home-made brownies for 25 people, 5 bags of chips (must be name brand). Each person can bring food to put on the grill but limited to a hamburger for each, or two hotdogs each, with a small piece of chicken. The rolls for these items have been assigned to “Luanne”, as well as all condiments (must be name brand).”
My eyes! I had to read it ten times to believe it was real! Bring our own food to fit on the grill? As well as other food?
My phone rang off the hook. Everyone was comparing their “YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS” list. She assigned one person to bring garbage bags and they were the clean-up crew. Another person was assigned decorations and linens.
I, along with several others, called Rachel to decline. Her response: “Okay. But you are still responsible for your list, so please drop those items off to my house ASAP”.
I told her that she is off her rocker.
Long story short, the party didn't happen. The wedding was postponed for over a year. It did finally happen. They divorced two years later.
Image credits: Abby Nelson
#3
My former Mother-In-Law, a very sweet, prim and oh so proper lady who rarely had an unkind word for anyone, received a wedding invitation from one of the children of her very long time next door neighbor. The invitation described a remote hill top wedding venue over looking the Pacific, pretty much all family and friends lived in Detroit, at some strange hour that I don’t remember. This was to be followed by a somewhat challenging hike to a remote camp of some sort for the reception. At the end of the invitation they included the following, (paraphrasing) “Since we know that most of you will not be able to attend we request that you give us cash to help pay for our dream honeymoon in…” an expensive island somewhere. My MIL was flabbergasted to say the least. I was there when she read the invitation and heard more than a few “Oh my’s” as she reread it to make sure she actually understood what they were asking.The reaction of her children and others present was what you might expect but she didn't say anything more, tucked the invitation away and went about her business. A couple of months later I asked her what she had decided to do about the invitation. She said she sent them a very nice set of custom monogrammed bath towels (no returning those) and smiled sweetly with a slightly evil glimmer in her eyes.
Image credits: Bob DiVincenzo
#4
Wedding invitation requesting for all women to dress in simple black dresses, so that the bride, maids of honor, mothers of the bride and groom and the godmother will stand out from the majority of women at the wedding. It sounded like a bunch of women that nobody cared about were invited only to look as ugly as possible and make “the important women” look good. I went and got criticized for my black dress being too short and having ribbons, so basically for my dress not being ugly enough.
Image credits: Mihaela Staticescu
#5
I feel like I have a winner. There was a company wide email sent from one of the ladies in the office. I knew her but rarely spoke with her as she was in a different division and her work was completely unrelated to mine. The below is not word for word but is basically the same drift. While on vacation in Las Vegas last week (some guy nobody knew) and I got married. As no one knew about the wedding you were not able to attend or send a wedding gift so we set up a website with a link to our registry. (A list suggesting specific items was included) If you would prefer to send a cash gift a link to enter your credit card information is also included. We are going to have a honeymoon in Vegas in a few weeks so we would also like donations for money to gamble with. Thank you very much (new couples names) I never heard any discussion whatsoever about the email. I am assuming it went nowhere.
Image credits: Jim
#6
The bride included a list of acceptable guest attire. She wanted all women to wear sleeveless maxi dresses. I explained to her that I don’t do sleeveless as I broke my elbow as a child and I am overly sensitive to its mild deformity. I also explained at just a hair under 5′0 a maxi dress looks horrible on me. I was told “I don’t care - this is a beach wedding, you will be in the sun and it will be hot.”. I further explained due to previous sun poisoning I can’t wear sleeveless as I need to keep my shoulders out of direct sunlight. She was so insulted I was uninvited to the wedding. Win for me - loss for her as I unfriended her and heard most women wore what they wanted and she was livid that they deviated from her instructions.
Image credits: Denise Cicchella
#7
A few years ago I received a very pretty invite to an acquaintance’s wedding. It arrived in a white box with pink border, opened to the invite tied together with a big pink ribbon bow and included the RSVP card, picture of bride and groom and other extra items. It weighed a veritable ton.A few weeks before the wedding, another friend of mine called. She is much closer to the bride than I am so I mentioned seeing her at the wedding. She laughed and said the invites were the oddest thing she had ever seen. I thought she meant all the pomp and prissiness of them. Found out she received a different invite than I did.
Hers was a standard Shutterfly type of invite in a plain envelope. Her invite looked a bit like this (See picture).
Yep, she received a gift request, not an invite. never did find out why I received an invite and the closer acquaintance to the bride did not. I did not attend the wedding or send a gift. Neither did my friend.
Image credits: Samantha Stewart
#8
We were invited to attend, and made plans to be at the wedding, which was across the country. We’d talked to the groom several times, and told him we were making a family trip of it. It was planned out to attend 3–4 months in advance. Less than a month prior, the groom told us we couldn’t bring our kid, and that the recommended hotel for attending didn’t have any services to watch our child. We’d booked tickets, bought clothes, and made arrangements to be there. They recommended that maybe we could leave the child, unattended (who was 2 at the time), in the room for the ceremony, and then I should stay with the child while my husband attended the reception. We didn’t go to the wedding, or take that trip. If the invitation had noted that no children were to attend, it would have been acceptable but that was not the case.
Image credits: Erin Nakano O'Quinn
#9
My best friend asked me to be her bridesmaid roughly one year before her wedding, which I agreed to do. I must point out that I am Italian and so is my friend and in Italy you don’t have bridesmaids but a “witness” for the bride and one for the groom.In the year leading to her wedding, my husband left me and my 6 year old son (plus two dogs!) to go back to the uk (he is English) to find a job, which he did immediately. Previously we struggled for a good year relying on family for helps. Once he settled, I decided to join him with my son and dogs. The moving date was April 21 and her wedding was on May 1st. I must point out that I was completely broke at that time as a move to another country costs a lot of money, I was working part time and my husband spent almost a trying saving up for a home in England.
A few weeks before the big day I ask her what gift she wanted and she said: “well, it is tradition here that the witness of the bride and the witness of the groom buy the wedding rings”. (I later found out that this is not tradition at all!)
So I asked what she wanted me to do next and she said:” you will need to come to the jewellery shop so we can choose our rings and you pay for mine, while the other witness will pay for the other”
Remember I was broke but I was willing to fly back a few days after the move to attend the wedding and make her happy.
When I asked her how much the budget was she said she wasn’t sure, but around 350 Euros., maybe more.
I said I could not afford it and she said “ok no problem but you can’t be my witness anymore as it’s tradition! Another friend of mine agreed to buy me the ring and she will be my witness. But you can still come to the wedding”.
Needless to say I didn’t attend the wedding and haven’t spoken to her over the past 5 years. We grew up together and, I thought, we were best friends, she treated me and made me feel so small and insignificant.
They divorced less than two years later.
Image credits: Jasmin El Madani ·
#10
My sister in law (now my husband's brother's ex wife), text me one night in the middle of our wedding planning (and by in the middle I mean deposits for everything had been paid and invitations were being made), and she asked“Is your wedding date set in stone already?”
(This is a gist of how the conversation went)
Me: “Yes it is.”
Her: “Well, like have you already paid deposits? You haven't sent out invitations yet right?”
Me: “For the most part we have, we just need to talk with *insert pastor's name*”
Her: “Do you think you could change the date to another weekend? The 25th doesn't work for me.”
I literally had to read it over and over again. I read it out loud to my (now) husband. Had she really just asked us to change OUR WEDDING DAY because it didn't work for HER?! I don't know why I was surprised, she was and still is all about her.
Her: “My friend is thinking about getting married that day and I want to attend both.”
So her friend's hypotheical wedding is reason for us to change ours? Yea, no.
Me: “Sorry but we picked that day and things are already paid for.”
And that was that. I think she text me again but I don't remember what she might have said.
Oh and that friend she mentioned, still isn't married.
Image credits: Kasey Prosko-D
#11
I’ve got one. I was invited to a baby shower. The invitation said “no cards, bring a children’s picture book and write a message for the new baby and mother on the inside cover.’ Okay, that’s a little bossy, but I can deal with it. It also said “only use clear wrapping paper for your baby shower gift” and gave a list of places where you could get this clear paper. That seemed odd, but I thought “okay,” and I just did it.Here’s where it got demanding. I arrived at the baby shower with my required picture book with message inside, and gift wrapped in clear paper. I finally understood why. You see, when a gift is in clear paper, the Mommy-to-be doesn’t have to bother opening it to see what your brought. Okay, that seemed really weird — a baby shower where the Mommy-to-be doesn’t actually open the gifts in front of the guests.
So I sat down with my gift (as I was directed by the lady giving the shower) and then I was handed a “thank you card, envelope, and a pen.’ I couldn’t imagine why. We were all then instructed to put our name and address on the envelope so the Mommy-to-be wouldn’t be burdened by having to address them herself. Okay. Then we were told to open the preprinted thank you card, which had a line for us to fill-in what we had bought as a gift! So it said “Thank you for very much for your gift of ___________________________. Our new little one greatly appreciates you.” Yes, we were being asked to fill out our own thank you cards for gifts the Mommy-to-be was not even going to bother to unwrap or look at during the shower.
I also later found out from one of the other “participants” that by wrapping them in clear paper, it made it much easier to return unwanted, un-needed, or duplicate gifts directly to the store, because it showed the gift had not been opened.
They had a sheet cake, a punch bowl of punch made with frozen mix and ginger ale, and that was it. There was no gift opening or acknowledgement, no baby games, nothing. We all just filled out our thank you cards, put our gifts on or around a table, and then the guests talked with each other, and then we left. I don’t think the Mommy-to-be even said a word to me.
And the last straw? The Mommy-to-be never even bothered to mail those thank you cards she had us address and fill-out.
Image credits: Jan Thomas
#12
An invitation from a former friend’s granddaughter stated at the bottom, “No gifts valued at less than $100 will be accepted. See registry at ___________. Cash preferred.How would they know whether it was $98 or $102? Does that $100 include tax, and shipping, if ordered online? At the time, I was not working and had a small fixed income. $100 might as well have been $1000.
I declined the invitation and simply sent the new couple a card wishing them well. I guess that might be why Grandma and I are now former friends.
Image credits: Barbara Berney
#13
I was chosen as a bridesmaid for one of my friends. However, the bridesmaid dress that she chose was way too expensive (I was a student in University and money was tight). In addition to that, I had to pay for the package of skin and hair treatment prior the wedding day at the spa that she chose. And on the wedding day itself, I also had to pay for the hairstylist and the make-up person that she ‘provided’ for us bridesmaids. Those things are seriously expensive! And she didn’t allow us to do the hair and makeup ourselves as she was afraid that we won’t look good in a pictures. Also, she explicitly said that she expected us bridesmaids to gift her something from the list of the wedding registry that she had prepared and that stuff was waayyy beyond my means . So nope...sorry girl, not gonna do that.
Image credits: Hiro-o Ekimae
#14
My father remarried. I didn't have a lot of time getting to know my step-family as I was doing grad school in a different state. However, I DID do my best to get to know them, and be as supportive, loving, and compassionate as I could be. Some years after he remarried, one of the girls my stepmom raised got married. I received my invitation to attend the wedding reception which was held a few weeks after the actual ceremony. My father, very ashamed, had already told me only 'immediate' family could attend the 4-5 day wedding celebration at a swanky bed and breakfast.Mind you, neither groom nor bride had had a job for years. And by swank, I mean swank by Wine Country, CA standards. Yes, my father paid for the whole thing. He hated doing it! Yes, I was not invited for the 4+ days of wedding celebration. Not even invited to just attend the ceremony because it was for 'immediate' family. Oh, and the friends who were ‘like' family who did the whole 4+ days. Needless to say, I did not attend the reception. Nor did I buy anything off their registry.
Image credits: Jes Pedro
#15
I guess this is not ‘unreasonable’ but it was pretty arrogant. I attended a baby shower for the daughter of a close friend. The word went out ahead of time that any cards given should be ‘current in style’ and not the old-fashioned mushy baby cards that seemed like they came from the 1950s. Yeah.Additionally, the expectant mother lived in California but the shower was at the mom’s house in Atlanta. So the instructions were that all gifts should be shipped directly to the California address, and a print-out of the gift included with the card. Sigh. OK.
This was the daughter of a close friend, so I ordered and shipped a very nice gift. I forgot to get a card until the evening before the shower. I looked in my stash of pre-purchased cards, and oh,dear. The only card I had on hand was pink and mushy with a little baby being carried by a stork. Good enough. Not going out at 10 p.m. to buy another one. I printed out the picture of the generous gift and placed it inside the card.
When the expectant mother opened my card, you could see her body language change - she stiffened up and looked displeased. The stupid card was more important to her than the gift.
Image credits: Debra King
#16
My first cousin's daughter was getting married. It was explained that as the church was small, they had to limit the congregation, but I was welcome to wait outside. I was 60 years old. I declined the invitation. There is a tendency nowadays to fill a wedding church with friends and acquaintances rather than family . I was hurt to be treated like this by my cousin whom I grew up with. Our mothers were sisters.#17
I was the one making the request, but it wasn't on the invitation.Having attended many weddings and other events from my wife's family, I knew there would be certain family members that would show up to ours in just T shirts and jeans. Not acceptable.
So in the weeks leading up to the wedding, I went to have tea with the aunts and cousins from her fily that loved to gossip and spread a rumor that some of my friends from the army that had been in special forces were going to stand at the entrance with paintball guns and shoot anyone who showed up in t-shirts and jeans.
Not surprising, not one showed up in casual clothes and a few people who I had expected to kept asking me where the special forces guys were.
#18
“This is my wedding going on, shut up everyone! Be serious!”I had a distant aunt who was known for her eccentricities. Hindu weddings can have up to 4–5 hours of constant rituals on stage as the guests watch on or talk amongst themselves.
This was one of those routine weddings where children and parents meandered around the wedding hall meeting relatives while the couple performed ancient rituals in front of a fire. It is not meant to be a movie that everyone watches. There is nothing entertaining about it except the beginning and ending where the guests participate by showering rice on the couple.
Anyway, in the middle of the 3rd hour on a very hot Bombay afternoon, we heard the chanting stop and all the murmurs in the hall died down as the bride suddenly stood up and made her way to the microphone.
“This is my wedding going on, shut up everyone! Be serious!”
I can completely understand that the guests need to respect the occasion, however, the crowd wasn’t even all that loud. In fact, most of the kids were playing in the garden, the adults were eating, and the only people even having soft conversations were the seniors.
It was very awkward and her parents got extremely embarrassed. Her husband didn’t react but….now….15 years later…they are divorced and he got the kids.
#19
I have gotten some pretty unreasonable requests from invitations to weddings. The two that were the most demanding, in my opinion, were the two that expected their guests to fly to foreign countries to attend their weddings.It's wonderful when two people want to get married on a beach in Jamaica. However, to expect your guests to take time off of work, buy a plane ticket, incur the cost of lodging, and buy the clothes of their theme is absolutely ridiculous. This couple was enraged that they had only two guests at their wedding!
A wedding is for the couple getting married. Guests are invited to share in their experience. When a couple puts a burden on their guests to attend their wedding, it's no longer for the couple, it's about the couple. I don't mind theme weddings where a costume needs to be purchased or even a strange, outlandish bridal registry. Having to lay out five thousand dollars to attend is a bit overboard for me. But, that's just my opinion.
#20
NO CHILDREN. NO SMARTPHONES. NO MAIDS.Yes, you read that right. This is a common request/demand seen on most local Qatari wedding cards. Qatari weddings are held simultaneously in two venues - one for the men and one for the women. This is on the women’s side invite that these requests are typically seen.
Image credits: Raakhee V. Menon
#21
About 3 years ago, I received an invite for my son to attend his absent fathers wedding. Along with the demand for $60 for his meal at the wedding, over $200 for outfit they were going to purchase for son to be in wedding plus I was expected to take my son interstate for the wedding (over 1500kms away) and a link to the gift registry. I declined. Well my ex was discovered to be cheating while on honeymoon. Hes still paying off his $30k wedding. Then just before christmas I receive another wedding invite, again for absent father. Our son didnt even know he was engaged. Again with demands for money for plate, wedding invite and registry. This time I’ve actually been invited along with my other child. I’ve been informed that he is still cheating with same woman on new fiance so I dont see this wedding lasting any longer then his last one.
Image credits: Jo Martin
#22
So I got invited to a birthday party of a woman, a friend at that time.The venue was a 5-star restaurant.
I was humbled and loved her for the invite.
A few days before the party, she called and insisted on me bringing everyone, including my children and husband to the party.
I was hesitant.
If I were having a party at such an expensive place, I would not invite spouses and families.
I refused.
She insisted, and I had to give in.
I bought an expensive gift for her, just to appreciate her gesture and efforts.
It was a cold November night, an extreme cold weather alert in place I remember.
We arrived on time.
The servers were running left right and center, keeping up to our demands. The food was good.
I tried to limit ordering, assuming it would be a burden on her.
She kept assuring me, "It's okay-order what number 1 wants" etc.
As the party came to an end, a server showed up with a leather folder and extended it to me.
I looked at my husband, he gestured to me to open it.
Inside was the bill of our food.
A few hundred bucks.
I looked at my husband again.
He knew the look on my face.
He quietly motioned me to pay it.
Did I have a choice?
Edit: Just so I am clear, it was you pay for your own food, just that no one knew it was until the servers showed up with bills. I love pay-for-your-own-food hangouts. But when you 'invite' people for birthday parties and then insist on bringing anyone for your own fun, try to make things clear before-hand. Sure I had money and I could pay. What if someone could not afford to pay and was caught off-guard? Because I know some were!
Image credits: Amber Hasan
#23
I have had two bat-schitte crazy insane invitations. But first, my own wedding and my sister’s.I had a reverse destination wedding.
I moved away from home after college to live near my then-fiance who enlisted in the military while I finished college. I called home two weeks later and said “We’re getting married Thursday!” Mom (who was not exactly surprised) said, “Yay! Why not get married HERE Thursday since both sides of the family are here, including about two dozen of your relatives over 80 who can’t travel and the only people who will have to travel are the bride and groom?”
That made sense to both of us, so that’s what we did.
Since it rained, we got married in my grandmother’s living room instead of her flower gardens — and that woman was yard-proud; it was a showcase. I found a pretty knee-length (business but dressy) dress I liked at Penny’s. He wore his class As. I asked my honorary aunt and sister to stand up with me. My honorary aunt made my cake. Burnt the first one (ha!) and stayed up late making the second one — spice cake with chocolate icing because that’s what we liked and we weren’t having two cakes which would go to waste. She even dotted the outside with chocolate chips, which made it looked like a deranged spiked chocolate collar, I laughed, but you can’t have too much chocolate. All my relatives came, all his relatives came, it was a crowded house. Everyone brought a dish to share. We did potluck.
(For a rehearsal dinner the night before, my MIL brought in Buddy’s BBQ to her house, which as it turns out, I can’t stand and she knew it, because she’d known me for three years at that point. It had come up before. I didn’t make a fuss, I ate the sides. Didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things: my belly was full, I was having fun with my groom-to-be and talking to all these people who were wishing us well.)
My MIL had insisted we pick out a “china” pattern. I picked out a nice, durable stoneware. No silver serving sets, no crystal, and no china we’d never use anyway. My MIL wanted to send out announcements, which I didn’t understand was a gift-grab until later or I wouldn’t have done it. I just thought she was “fancy” and I was too wrapped up in getting married to the man I loved to argue with her about anything. We got a few pieces of my practical stoneware, from her friends and more distant side of her family, that I still use 30 years later. And one of her friends took the announcement and embellished it beautifully by hand and had it set in a silver frame — which I thought was perfect and thoughtful, and I said so each and every time I spoke to them.
My side of the family sent gifts like hand-made quilts and hand-knitted afghans like the ones on my bed and couch right now. Things for a hope chest. Things that they spent hours of love and care making and that would last generations. Someone took pictures, I don’t remember who. Someone even videoed the whole thing, on VHS, it was that long ago. Mom paid for my Penny’s dress and I wore it regularly to work (since it was a 9-to-5 kind of style) for over a decade. Had happy memories every time I put it on. We stayed in a lovely bed and breakfast for a night that his parents paid for. And it was a lovely property, filled with antiques. We didn’t spend a lot of time looking at antiques, though (ha!) We were wrapped up in each other. Then we went back to North Carolina because he had to report for Monday morning muster.
I do NOT understand bridezillas. I also don’t understand the idea that you should ask friends to go in hock to attend your joyous occasion. It eludes me.
My sister’s wedding announcements were the best EVER. We all got invitations post-marked Hawaii to a party HERE and they were each laced with sand. Sand from the beach in Hawaii where she had snuck off to and gotten married. My mother said, Thank God! We had a party when she got back from her honeymoon. No stress, no fuss, a great time.
But years after I got married, husband’s little brother, my brother-in-law is getting married at the Citadel. Good for him. Sounds like fun, a full-military-type wedding, uniforms and swords, and a fairy-tale horse and carriage. We are now both broke college students again, I’m working on a masters part-time and working full-time, he’s finishing up his bachelor’s on the GI Bill. One day as the happy date is fast approaching, my MIL mentions, casually, like it was no big deal, that she needed the 130 bucks for my bridesmaid’s dress by the weekend.
I said, What?
Turns out, we were both in the wedding. Unbeknownst to either one of us. I was supposed to not only stand up with my brother-in-law’s fiance at their wedding, a woman I had never met, but also I was supposed to cough up 130 bucks for the one-of bridesmaid’s dresses I had never seen or heard about until that moment. For a wedding that had been a YEAR in the planning. That I would have to travel across two states and stay in an expensive hotel as well. None of which had been mentioned to me, much less discussed with me until that moment in time.
I did what I always had to do with my MIL, I took a deep breath, I drew a firm line and I stood behind it, hell or high water, evil witch that I am. What dastardly thing did I do to ruin her picture-postcard dream wedding of her beloved baby boy?
I said no.
My brother-in-law and his future bride came over to our apartment. My MIL sicked them on me, the shrew. I explained I loved my BIL very much, I was honored, but not only did I not feel comfortable standing up for someone I’d never even met before that moment, but we really couldn’t afford it. Any of it. (We were eating an awful lot of simple spaghetti and sauce in those days because it was cheap and filling. The dress alone would have set us back to starvation.) I deeply resented my MIL for 1) committing me to something without even asking me, and 2) putting me on the spot for having to explain that I was fiscally responsible enough to know we couldn’t afford it. Thankfully my husband backed me 100%.
My FIL got involved. He said he’d pay for everything, the dress, the trip, the hotel, everything. (Not my MIL, my FIL.) I said thank-you, it’s appreciated and the only way we could possibly attend, but I won’t be in the wedding party. I’ll attend, I’ll wish them the best. But she should pick someone she has actually KNOWN for more than the 10 minutes in my living room while I explained I wouldn’t be in her wedding party, to stand up with her on her most special day.
It was a big frickin’ deal for the next several years. MIL mentioned it A LOT. I ignored it and carried on.
The SECOND most outrageous invitation arrived via snail mail a few years ago at a low point for me during a medical scare (but I’m healthy now). It was from a (at best) casual Internet friend who asked me to drop everything, fly out to Denver and be her maid-of-honor. On the Saturday coming up. I had to email her (we weren’t close enough to have each other’s phone numbers.)
And say, Sweetie, you know I’d love to see Denver, and you, of course, and I’m honored you’d think of me to stand up for you at your wedding, but since I have surgery scheduled for the Thursday before your wedding to find out if I have cancer — or not — and might possibly be dying of said cancer — or not — and will be bed-ridden for a couple of possibly weeks after AND we have been talking about this for a couple of weeks now, I don’t think I’ll be able to make your lovely, spur-of-the-moment wedding.
Her answer, “But what will I do?”
Then…
“Can you reschedule your surgery?”
Image credits: Sidney Helen Sachs ·
#24
A good friend was dating a woman for some years, they moved in together, and got engaged. I was invited to the wedding. I regretfully declined.The wedding was a 3 day event in the middle of nowhere Napa valley basically camping out. No amenities beyond a few communal cabins with cots. No showers. Very basic toilette facilities. Cooking on portable butane stoves…with food you brought yourself.
No thanks buddy.
Image credits: https://qr.ae/pK7Xta
#25
I have not seen anything unreasonable on an invitation, but some of my family opted not to attend because they thought I was being a diva requesting that no one wear perfume or cologne.Why did I request this? I did it because I have an occupational lung disease that reacts very poorly to many things including fragrances, most of which are man-made, from volatile organic compounds (VOCs) that are byproducts of petroleum refining. My lungs see them as a deathly threat and try to close up and force all my air out. When exposed to them, all I can is cough uncontrollably, and can even pass out.
I did not want to cough my way down the aisle, or pass out in the aisle or spend my wedding night in the ER. We added this note on the back of the invitation, saying why it was necessary and driving home the point by telling them that if anyone did show up wearing any, they would have to sit in the balcony as I could not walk past them down the aisle.
Was that so unreasonable? I certainly don’t think so. Since then, some of those family members have since asked to learn about my disease and why it was so important that they not wear any fragrances. And have apologized for jumping to the wrong conclusion.
#26
Think planes, trains, and automobiles. And boats.The couple lived in a major American city but decided to have their wedding on a hard-to-get-to Caribbean island. The guests had to fly 4+ hours to one Caribbean island, then take a bus, then a boat to the destination island because that island was too small to have an airstrip. We left our house around 6am and didn’t arrive at the final destination until about 12 hours later.
We had to pay for our own cabs to the hotel — I mean, every single person was coming from the US and onto the same boat dock on the island, so why didn’t they at least have a shuttle to take us to the hotel? (Same when we went home a couple of days later — we had to pay for all transportation.)
Of course, we had to pay for our hotel rooms. And most meals. This was peak travel season, by the way, so prices were very jacked up.
It was sad that so many family members couldn’t make the wedding. It was right before Christmas, so (1) kids were in school, and parents didn’t want to pull them out for a destination wedding, (2) families couldn’t afford to spend so much right before a holiday, (3) the old people who did attend were highly uncomfortable with all the traveling — seasickness was just one issue, (4) it was like a mandatory vacation for the guests. I would never have chosen to vacation at that spot because it was highly inconvenient and extremely expensive.
I’ve had the misfortune to be invited to other destination weddings, but this one took the cake. It was as though they chose the most expensive and least accessible option they could think of. Very unreasonable to ask your guests to travel so far and spend so much, just so the couple could be “different.” Thus far, the difference between this and every other wedding I’ve attended is that I still get mad when I think about this one.
#27
Well, where to start, lol! Sorry but this will be super long. My husband’s youngest brother got engaged to a woman after only dating for about 4 months. They set their wedding date for a little over a year later. Cool, gives them plenty of time to save and also to really get to know each other too, in my opinion. Fast forward 6 months, we are asked if our 2 youngest children could be in the wedding, 4 & 8. Ok, no problem, they are the niece and nephew of the groom after all. So they pick a weekend a few weeks later to go look at flower girl dresses and also to take us to get my son fitted for a tux. Now, I’m cool with paying for their outfits for the wedding but when we get to the tux rental place, we find out that the tux they picked out was going to cost $189.00 plus tax. I asked, “this is for the groomsmen and groom right? Not the ring bearer?” They said, “oh yes, it’s for everyone in the wedding party.” I flat out told my BIL and his fiancé there was no way I was paying that much for a kids tux and that I would go buy a nice pair of pants, a nice shirt and then just rent the shoes (because they wanted a very specific style) and the vest and tie to match the guys, ($60.00 plus tax) because he did not need to wear a full on tux.Fast forward again to about 2 months before the wedding and they ask my husband and myself to be in the wedding party…..WHAT? So come to find out that one of my BIL’s friend backed out and his wife was going to be in the wedding too. Again, we thought about the cost of the tux rental, $189.00 plus tax. We couldn’t afford the tux for our son, why did they think we could afford one for my husband and now on top of that they wanted me in the wedding too. So add the cost of a new dress for me. We declined their request and when we did, we were told that we now messed up the number of tuxes rented in order to get my BIL a free tux! Really?!?!? Ask us to be in the wedding so he doesn’t have to pay the $189.00 tux rental fee! Why? Because they couldn’t afford it!!!! We asked them, then why did you even pick something like that in the first place? They didn’t have an answer……
Now another month after that, we are right at the point of them sending out their invitations. I get a call from my future sister-in-law asking what kind of food they should serve at the reception, because the original plan on having a Mexican food buffet fell through because of not being able to afford it because they were not going to get help from her father like they thought. So I told her that we could still make it nice and that I would help her cook all the sides and then they would only have to purchase the meat from a caterer or restaurant. We have a grocery club membership and I said I would take her with me so she could by all the food she wanted for the sides, in bulk and for cheaper too. She thanked me and said that would be great and appreciated my help.
A week later, an aunt of ours got their invitation in the mail and called and asked me if I had gotten mine and I had not. I asked her why and she said because she was assigned to bring a casserole to the reception. Oh and the recipe so that they can add it to their recipes for their house after they were married. And it was also BYOB, alcohol or whatever you wanted to drink, ie, sodas too. Needless to say I was appalled! I thought we had worked everything out for the food for the reception, guess not! Lol!
So their reception ended up being a pot luck reception and they assigned different dishes to their guests. My husband and I didn’t even get an invitation in the mail. My BIL was suppose to come and hand deliver it to us, so they could save money on stamps. Only the people out of town got a mailed invitation. Seriously, I kid you not! That’s what they said.
They finally brought us our invitation, 2 days before the wedding and I was assigned a casserole as well!
It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen in my life for a wedding reception. Oh and the bridal shower was
#28
Destination weddings. What possesses brides and grooms to believe that most of the people they know can afford to fly off to some exotic destination. And that all of their employers will have no problem giving them the time to do it. And that travel like that won’t be an issue for older people expected to attend … or young people who now have to figure out what to do with children for multiple overnights. I’ll toss one in for my pet owning friends … they’ll have to figure out what to do with rover and kitty for multiple days.Even a destination a couple hours away can be a problem for some people. Those with no transportation, older people who can’t ride that far.
I’d have to say that the destination wedding is one of the most selfish and self serving wedding ideas I’ve heard of in my life.
#29
It was not the child free request that was unreasonable (per se, though it had unreasonable aspects), but rather the way the request was communicated. I will admit some fault here, I had completely forgotten about the need to scour the envelope to know for sure who exactly is invited; in my area/family/financial strata a child free wedding is all but unheard of, so it had never been something I needed to know/check before, after this whole exchange I vaguely remembered reading it somewhere when planning my own wedding, and I vaguely remembered adding all children's names when I addressed my own invitations, but the the information had fallen out of my brain between time and mommy/pregnancy brain. It all could have been a very simple misunderstanding very cordially remedied, but instead…So it all starts with sending an RSVP card marked yes for 3 (myself, my husband, and our just under 2 year old girl), for my husband's cousin's wedding. We'd heard from the groom's parents that the bride's family was quite wealthy compared to anyone in our family (most the parental generation being solidly middle class shading towards upper middle, with the young adult millennial 'kids' being mostly significantly poorer), and a bit snobby about it, and it was obvious from the invitation that this would likely be a pretty Tony event, so before sending it I did scour the invitation for anything that said no kids, but as I said, I forgot the clue was on the envelope and sent it in for 3.
About a week later I got a phonecall from my husband's aunt, the mother of the bride was in a tizzy about all of the families from our side who had RSVPed with children and had demanded aunt call and set us straight, still relatively reasonable (although it was easy to read between the lines that this had not been a pleasant conversation for Aunt), so I told aunt I wasn't sure if we'd be able to make it in that case, I'd have to call around about childcare and get back to her probably the next day.
This is where things take a turn for the crazy, within probably 2 hours I got another phonecall, this time from the mother of the bride (who I had never met), absolutely livid that we were all so uncouth as to RSVP wrong and then not immediately be able to answer yes when we found out we needed to round up childcare.
It's been too many years now for me to remember the exact details of the conversation, but the part I can never forget was after I explained that I hadn't heard back from my parents, which was pretty much my only childcare option since everyone else we ever left daughter with would be at the wedding, her annoyed suggestion (said in a tone that suggested I was frightfully stupid for not having thought of this myself), “Just leave her with your nanny of course!” I sat there, flabbergasted, for a minute, I literally don't know a single person with a nanny, it is not common in our part of the mostly rural Midwest even if you do have money, I finally sputtered out “We don't have a nanny.”
“Oh, you're one of those households that revolves around the children are you” (I cannot properly convey the disgust in which this was said)
“I'm a stay at home mom?”
“Ugg, you'll regret that when they think they need you for everything all the time.” I am absolutely gobsmacked by now, just don't even know what to say to this, I think I just got something out to the effect of “if you need to know right now then we'll have to say no, or I can wait and see what my parents say and get back to Aunt by tomorrow” before hanging up on her still huffing.
Well apparently I was in the middle of her list of calls, she had also treated many of my husband's other cousins to this, including the groom's sisters, one of whom was a single mom, and the no kids was extended to the groom's neice and nephews as well, despite some of these kids being actually in the wedding (apparently the clearly universally employed nannies were supposed to take these kids when the ceremony was over). Even
#30
I received an invitation quite a while ago from a former co-worker, with whom I was not very close. When I receive invitations from people I am not close to, or don’t know well, I usually just send a gift (and more than likely it will be a gift card).I didn’t actually read the invitation until I’d had it a few days, and I had to read it a few times to actually follow along. They were having their wedding at one spot, outdoors, at 8AM. Then a short “wedding coffee” would follow. Then a reception would be held six hours later at a country club that was at least 20 miles away from the wedding spot. At this point I was happy to not be attending, but the request for gifts (and this was printed on the invitation) had me laughing. They requested that all guests refrain from bringing wrapped presents and limit their gifts to money cards and cash. I disobeyed, sent a gift card from a local store, and heard nothing more. Not even a thank you.
#31
This was the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen. I was not involved in the wedding, but you certainly couldn’t miss it.Back around 1979, the daughter of a prominent local couple was getting married. They owned a big hotel, so were well off and built a new house in a very prominent place in town. The daughter got married.
However, after the wedding there was a huge article in the local paper about the wedding. This was not the custom, so I’m not sure if they paid to have the article put in there or what the deal was.
It described in great detail everything about the wedding including how much every thing cost. For example, “the brides mother Mary, wore a beautiful gown, costing $3,000.” It went on to list how much everything cost. I couldn’t believe it.
Then it went on to say how each guest was required to bring a money gift of at least $500. Which today would probably be about $1,500. I don’t know why anyone would attend a wedding like that.
It was the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen.
#32
One of my dad's cousins was getting married for the fourth time, and it raised a few eyebrows when he invited many members of the extended family to join his wedding “in spirit.” The collective reaction was, “So we're supposed to think about him but not show up? Okay, whatever.”It wasn't that unreasonable, really, for him to want to keep wedding number four small and low key, and I don't think too many people were troubled not to have to attend, but we all thought it was a little odd, how he went about it. He always was kind of the black sheep in other respects, too.
#33
The requests (many of them) were not necessarily on the invitation itself, but my experience should qualify nonetheless. One of my (ex) friends decided to get married in a tiny village in Italy. She lives in a major US city and I in another. We had become pretty good friends after going to school together a few years before. She blindsided me a bit when she asked me to be her Maid of Honor (MOH), since she had several childhood friends that she spoke about frequently. But she also had a difficult personality, so I figured that might have something to do with it. At first, I accepted, but let her know that I would have to fly in the day before the wedding and then fly back the day after. I also let her know that due to my insane schedule that I would not be able to put long hours into planning either, but that I wanted to be there for her. I am a healthcare provider and run a small clinic, which leaves me very little time off, as I do not receive PTO. If I leave for any length of time, I have to either shut down my clinic or hire a locum tenens (neither are great options). At first she agreed, but then began texting and e-mailing all day every day regarding flights that had me there for the entire week. She then demanded that I take the entire week off as she had planned several outings, lunches and other events spanning the week before her wedding. As the MOH I would have to be there! She also began hinting that she wanted her Bachelorette Party in Vegas and wedding showers in both her hometown and the city she lived. I told her that I now had some reservations about being the MOH and told her that it might be better to have someone else do it, as I had little time to help with planning and couldn’t take off that much time to fly all over creation. She works for a major airline, so all of her flights are almost free. I calculated all of the expenses, which included me taking a week off of work and flying to these locations. I would have been on the hook for over $10,000 and that’s without a plus one at the wedding (my SO bowed out gracefully after learning the cost of the tickets).After a few weeks of constant phone calls, texts and e-mail (during the day when I’m with patients) that she demand I answer immediately, I finally grew some balls and told her that I was no longer able to be her MOH. This was 10 months before the wedding, so plenty of time to find a new one. She was, of course, very upset. At that time I was (stupidly) still not ready to end the friendship, as I realized that weddings can sometimes bring out the worst in people. I told her I was still planning on coming to the wedding, but would fly in the day before and leave the day after as previously discussed. To that she responded with “why bother” and “please return the gift I gave you when I asked you to be my MOH”. It actually cost more to ship this “gift” back to her than the actual cost of the item ($6).
We have not spoken since. Thank God!
#34
When one of my best friends from high school got married, she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was pretty honored, and said yes. Then she told me I had to order a dress in a size 16. I was a size 2 at the time.Her reasoning: she was portly, as were her bridesmaids, and if I was up there in a gown that showed how slim I was, I wouldn’t “match” the bridal party.
The dress was very low cut, and the only straps a loop of fabric on each side, like this, in lieu of sleeves. The skirt was much fuller.
What was I supposed to do, walk down the aisle holding my arms over my head, dragging two pounds of fabric? How would I walk with all the fabric tangling between my legs?
I rescinded my acceptance.
Image credits: Lisa Newall
#35
We made an unusual request for our wedding.We were a bit older (37 and 43, first wedding for both), and doing pretty well, so we decided to have a nice event. We both had lots of friends by this age, so it was to be pretty big. We both loved children, didn’t have any at the time, and had been to too many boring weddings, where the guests had all been told no children were to attend.
We decided to turn that upside-down, and informed all of our guests that had children that they were not to hire babysitters, bring the kids, and if they showed up without them would be sent home to get them. Our venue had a loft that we set up as a kids area, and we hired a couple young ladies to help make sure the kids were safe and attended to.
We had 185 guests, about 40 of whom were children, from 3 weeks old to teenagers. It was delightful. There was exactly one “disciplinary incident” when a boy, about 6, threw something and almost knocked over a glass of wine, and thus had to be told not to throw things any more, please.
So that was the unreasonable demand — bring your kids, or else! Still the best day of my life.
#36
My cousin “B” believes that she is the queen of England, and all of her subjects must do exactly as she bids. Yeah, you know the type of person I am talking about. So anyway, “B”, who is always broke and doesn’t have a pot to piss in, finally gets engaged. We are all happy for her. She’s had plenty of failed relationships- partly because she is nuts, partly because she isn’t sure what type of guy she is going for, and partly because she had picked some real jag-offs. Okay so we all hear she is getting married and we are awaiting news on the location. All of a sudden she notifies her whole family here in Pennsylvania that she and her new fiancé are moving to Florida. This seems like a difficult undertaking given that “B” doesn’t even have her own place or furniture since she bounces around between friends’ and relatives’ homes. Everyone tries to be as helpful and positive as possible so they can be happy, hopefully settle down and “B” can FIND A JOB. The family were all prepared to assist them with the wedding as much as possible. Everyone offered to take on a different job (I was making the flower arrangements). We made a huge mistake in believing that they would be grateful with a nice little wedding where everyone takes care of one aspect and she chooses the details. Since they have very little money I couldn’t fathom what else would be possible. Moving on now. A month ago “B” emails and tell us a freaking bomb. Ready for this… they are having a destination wedding to Barbados. They found the perfect venue down there who will take care of putting it together for her, allowing them to stay in the states. I guess this type of wedding is common for the resort. They have wedding packages that only require you to make a few choices and show up which sounds lovely… sounds lovely I mean for people who have that type of money at their disposal. I was in so much shock thinking of how in the hell they could pull this off with no income that I almost overlooked a tiny little detail at the end. It went like this- “Every couple will be paying $3000. That will cover your trip down, two nights stay, and a percentage of the wedding. Just think of it as a nice little Barbados getaway! While we do love kids, please make arrangements for them to stay home as we would like to keep it adults only. You can send cash or check to my address and I will give it to the resort. Ladies- please buy or bring your most “beachy” sun dress in coral or pink and men can wear Bermuda shorts and turquoise polos. If you don’t have anything that matches you can message me. I will pick it out for you and send you a link to the website for purchase. Also, if anyone would be kind enough to gift us just a little more in their check my fiancée and I will be able to extend our honeymoon. Can’t wait to see everyone there!” Yep. Needless to say we are unable to go. Maybe it was a good deal but I wouldn’t know since we don’t have money for vacations like that and I love my kids more than her. Even if we did I don’t think we would go. Just reading that email made we want to vomit and I still can’t believe she actually sent that s**t out to the family knowing none of us are super well off. Best of luck to her and her soon-to-be husband -- I do wish them lots of happiness. I hope one day she becomes aware of her selfishness. Maybe one day she will apologize for all the money I wasted making flower arrangements for her little Pennsylvania wedding that she snubbed. I don’t know if everyone would consider her request unreasonable but for me it sure was bold.#37
The wedding where we were asked to bring a Beringer Wine specifically a white and a red, to be dropped off at a cart specifically set up by the kitchen of the event hall AND a bottle of Crown Royal AND Johnny Walker Red. We found other guests had been asked to contribute the same wines but other liquors as well. One of our mutual friends was asked to bring 2-gifts of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum, another Bicardi WhiteRum.We did notice when we got there, they were serving hors d’œvres in a smaller room off the sanctuary where the wedding was to take place, that two of the wait staff were boxing up every other bottle of red then white wines. Leaving one wine to be served. Plus they were boxing up at least one bottle of the 80 proof and higher alcoholic bottles of liquor.
Being a bit mercenary myself, I wanted to get to the bottom of the hand written inserts in the invitations. I asked the bride’s half sister about “the wine and liquor highjinx going on in the kitchen". She was already 2 sheets in the wind and very p.o'ed about being left out of the festivities since she and her husband introduced the bride to the groom and without them the wedding wouldn't have happened. They had been relegated to guest status. This was also a very bone of contention since the groom worked with her husband and wouldn't have had a job if not for them!
It seems everyone's financial status had been a factor in deciding WHICH liquor was asked of them, or not asked, as the occasion proved the bride to be petty and grasping at the expense of her “guests”. She “requested" their liquor contributions to help with the dinner she had selected instead of budgeting it in to her dinner. The liquor was for the after party. However, she was ALSO pulling every other bottle to stock their wine and liquor cabinet and bar for their future entertaining. When I told my husband, he mentioned it to some of the other guest who brought the liquor but had been mentally doing head counts and figuring the amounts of liquor brought to the festivities. This led to a discrete removal of the liquors brought by her guests being repossessed by telling the kitchen staff they would be leaving after the bride and groom’s dance. Some just went in and liberated their contributions. (Chalk one up for the guests’ side).
WE brought ONE wine, and no liquor. We had already shelled out close to $85 for a gift on their/the bride’s registry. We bought them a shower curtain, liner, towel set, w/matching tank/commode/lid covers & three piece bathmat set and shower anti slip bath tub mats.
Their registry WAS ridiculously expensive and grasping. They asked for a Paul Revere Silver Service coffee/tea/sugar/creamer, silver cube tongs w/8 Sterling Silver spoons, 8 sterling saucers/cups and the Silver serving tray. TRY pricing that. Her mom said “we are paying for the wedding. We worked to get our stuff. She expects people to give her these things just because she's getting married! We didn't rear her this way. We are ashamed. I am sorry, dear.” She walked off, with a deep sigh, crying and wiping her nose.
#38
My first wedding was ginormous as my parents invited a gazillion people.I had asked them for two things:
1. That I should personally know the guests, and
2. That the guests don’t get wasted and fight.
Both requests were apparently unreasonable and declined by my parents.
#39
Had to be that time I was roped into a Bachelorette party where the bride (who was in the group chat with about 30 of her other ‘friends’) clearly stated she desired:To go bar hopping,
In a pimped our bus, fully stocked with alcohol,
Then to go back to a hotel room with ‘all the girls’
Have dinner and more drinks, with dessert of phallic-themed cake,
Enjoying a performance by a male stripper,
Thence to open all her gifts.
She also wanted to do it all the Saturday before her wedding, fair enough; however it just so happened to be my birthday.
I quietly observed all the messages coming in. Lots of excitement over decor, bar options, games etc. None of those options were what I’d call fun.
A few days after came the costing from the maid of honour. No big deal, each guest would contribute the equivalent of US$150, plus a personalized t-shirt, in addition to bringing the bride a gift (lingerie, size small, purple is he favourite colour) and either a bottle of booze, or an appetizer.
I exited the group chat right after. I didn’t know the bride very well, we were acquaintances at best. I wasn’t even invited to her wedding, and she hadn’t reached out to confirm if I wanted to be a part of her bachelorette.
It was quite clear to me I was invited to make up numbers to lesson the cost of this extravagant event per person. The wedding itself had fewer that 100 invited guests, so I’m sure many others in the group were similarly roped in.
I politely declined to her via DM using my birthday clash as the excuse. She never replied and we haven’t spoken since.
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