For many of us, one of the best things about being in love is that you don’t have to hide anything from your partner. You can be 100% yourself, and there’s no reason to ever feel ashamed of anything.
But according to one woman, there are certain things wives should always hide from their husbands. Ingri Pauline recently tweeted a thread breaking down the mysteries that she thinks should be maintained in a marriage, and the internet had plenty to say about her controversial views. Below, you’ll find the full thread that made many feel like they had been transported back to the 1950’s, as well as some of the responses readers shared.
Many people believe that being 100% yourself is key to having a healthy relationship
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This trainer, however, has gone viral for tweeting a list of “gross” things she believes wives shouldn’t do in front of their husbands
Image credits: IngriPauline
Image credits: IngriPauline
Image credits: IngriPauline
Image credits: IngriPauline
Image credits: IngriPauline
Image credits: Anna Nekrashevich (not the actual photo)
Readers quickly pointed out that they’re not ashamed to do these things in front of their partners, and Ingri defended her opinions
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Image credits: IngriPauline
Image credits: IngriPauline
Image credits: IngriPauline
We are lucky to live in a time when women actually don’t have to act a certain way
There’s no question that we should all try to be on our best manners on a first date. If you sat down for dinner, and the person sitting across from you burped or picked his nose, you might quickly want to end the evening. But there’s a time and a place to fully relax, let your guard down and stop worrying about holding in a fart: when you get home. And if you live with your partner, well, eventually they’re going to see every single part of you: the good, the bad, the ugly and the gross! Many women don’t want the person they’re dating to see them without makeup too early on, and I personally avoided wearing my retainer for every sleepover until I ended up moving in with my partner. But it’s 2023, and it’s time women stop feeling ashamed of how we act in front of men.
According to Live Science, men and women who are true to themselves in their relationships behave in more intimate and less destructive ways, and they also report feeling more positive about their relationships than those who try to hide or change themselves. We’re also lucky to live in a time where there isn’t immense pressure on women, particularly wives, to act a certain way. In the 1950s, for example, there was a huge emphasis on being the “perfect housewife”. Women were expected to be well groomed at all times, focus on the home and serving her children and husband, and only discuss “cute” topics of conversation. Being too intelligent was viewed as unattractive, and if a woman developed a bad reputation, through being flirty, smoking cigarettes, wearing black eyeliner or associating with the wrong crowd, she could quickly become an outcast.
Image credits: Gustavo Fring (not the actual photo)
But we’ve come a very long way with feminism over the past 70 years, and women should no longer feel pressured to act a certain way, hide parts of themselves or strive to be “perfect”. Of course, women still face plenty of societal pressures, but especially when alone with their partners, they should feel safe and comfortable to be completely themselves. According to Science of People, our inclination to hide parts of ourselves to preserve a relationship often backfires. Trying to keep our true selves a secret can make us feel like we don’t actually belong, which may lead to resenting the relationship or your partner. Whereas, if we had just been honest and vulnerable from the beginning, there’s a good chance our partner would have accepted our flaws and quirks anyway.
While some say they choose to limit these behaviors, it’s not a requirement
Image credits: IngriPauline
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Image credits: IngriPauline
Image credits: IngriPauline
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Healthy relationships require vulnerability, and that can manifest in many different ways
Healthy, strong relationships require vulnerability, and as silly as it may sound, being “gross” in front of one another can be a form of intimacy. Nobody else gets to see you doing face masks, popping zits or with bed head, but your partner who loves you should be unphased by these things. According to a study from Porch, the average couple waits about 9 months before farting in front of one another, and women typically wait about 14 months before leaving the bathroom door open while they’re using it. But what’s even more interesting is that couples who reported being satisfied in their relationships tended to start doing “gross” things, like burping and talking about periods, sooner than those who were dissatisfied in their relationships.
Image credits: KoolShooters (not the actual photo)
Being comfortable with our bodies, including the gross things we might not want colleagues or acquaintances to see, is a sign that we are comfortable with ourselves. And feeling shame about perfectly natural things or attempting to hide them often signifies deeper issues in a relationship. “If you want your partner to think you never poop and you never fart, then what else aren’t you telling them right now for fear of them seeing you as disgusting, gross, ordinary—whatever it is?” Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey, a clinical psychologist and sex and intimacy coach, asked LifeHacker. “Usually, it’s not just the farting.”
“It’s not something that you can sustain, so if you’re putting forward a false self, it’s only a matter of time before the other person is going to see what’s underneath, and at that point, you’ve basically been lying to the person since the beginning,” Bisbey continued. “It often does have a negative impact on the relationship.”
It’s completely up to you if you choose not to fart or pop pimples in front of your partner. However, telling women that we shouldn’t be allowed to feel comfortable and be ourselves in front of our spouses who we live with can become dangerous. Let’s instead empower one another, and remember that true love is stronger than a burp. We would love to hear your thoughts on this thread in the comments down below, pandas, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing double standards, we recommend checking out this piece next.
Some readers even noted that they don’t mind if their partners do these things
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