Woman Opens Up About Compromising On Having Children, Goes Viral On TikTok

Becoming a parent brings an abundance of joy and happiness, yet a ton of responsibilities as well, which is one of the reasons why some people choose to be child-free.

TikTok user ‘Mom Update’ was one of such people, but her husband wasn’t. He wanted children, which is why the woman suggested a compromise that clearly stated what the parents’ roles would be. The husband agreed to it; however, after the kids were born, he didn’t hold up his end of the bargain. Scroll down for the full story that the woman shared in a TikTok video.

Becoming a parent brings a lot of responsibility, which is why it’s important to think things through beforehand

Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)

This woman had her mind set on not having children but had them after compromising with her husband

Image credits: momupdate2021

“This is my confession. Before I met my husband, I told him I do not want to have children. I never wanted to have children. My entire life, I was like I don’t want them. I love kids. They’re so sweet. They’re cute, they’re fun. I have 17 nieces and nephews. That’s enough. I love being an auntie. And when we got together, I didn’t feel this maternal thing, like I wanted to have kids. It just never was there. But he was like “it’s a deal breaker”, so I said here, listen to this, if you want to have kids, here’s my compromise. I will have the kids, right? But I will never give up my career or my way of life for our kids. I’ll take care of them and love them, obviously. But I wasn’t going to be a stay-at-home mom. And I have an expectation of the way I want my kids raised. And I told him I don’t want them to be raised by other people, you know, I want them to be raised by mom and dad.”

Image credits: momupdate2021

“I mean when I’m at work, I come home and then I get to spend time with my kids. But that would mean that he would be assuming the responsibilities as a stay-at-home father, which means grocery shopping, cleaning, taking care of the kids, running them back and forth wherever they need to go, taking them to their appointments. Okay. So I went back to work in October and quickly he showed me he couldn’t manage it. And I was like, I told you from the beginning, I didn’t want to have kids because I didn’t want this burden because it’s a lot. And he told me he wanted that, that’s what he wanted. I said I’ll make sure I make enough money that you don’t need to work. So now he couldn’t even cope with that. So then I hired a nanny and I’ll say, here you can take a couple of days a week or she’ll just help you around the house with the kids.”

Image credits: momupdate2021

“He couldn’t cope with a nanny being in the house with him, okay. He’s basically disappearing. And this girl was like, where is he? Like he’s nowhere to be found. Basically, this nanny had to leave one night. She left and left our front door open and my kids were outside and he was locked in our bedroom and the kids are running around outside at night. I was livid. I was f*****g livid when I got home. I was seriously so f*****g angry. I mean, just, he’s such a f*****g dirtbag, I was like you could have f*****g killed our kids. Like, you’re so lucky that nothing happened to them. So yeah, very quickly after that I was like, you need to get the f**k out, you’re done. So I just find it really unfair that now this man knows all this about me, it was made very clear and somehow I’ve still been left with both of our kids and he’s not offering any support whatsoever to take care of these kids. And I’m just like, men are such s**ts. And then this is why we end up so bitter and resentful against them. Because they’re fucking a******s.”

The woman’s video attracted over 600k views on TikTok

@momupdate2021 #momupdate #singlemom #momsoftiktok #onedayatatime #singleparent #domesticviolenceawareness ♬ original sound – Mom Update

Roughly one in five adults in the US choose to be child-free

Image credits: Leah Kelley (not the actual photo)

It’s no surprise that having children entails bearing a lot of responsibility and brings significant change into one’s life. That’s why it’s crucial to take all things into consideration before making the decision of bringing new life into this world. And while some people come to the conclusion that they’re willing and able to expand their families, others choose to be child-free even if they love kids, as the TikToker ‘Mom Update’ pointed out she did.

In her video, she said she never wanted to have kids, despite finding them cute and fun. As a matter of fact, nearly 22% of Americans choose to be child-free. The reasons for such a decision differ with each person, but not being willing to alter your career or way of life, or simply not wanting them—the things the woman mentioned in her video—are among the common ones.

In an article for Psychology Today, a licensed clinical and forensic psychologist, Dr. Samantha Stein pointed out that career and lifestyle changes are just two of the many possible reasons for not wanting to have children. Others include environmental, financial, and health-related matters, the desire to travel, or certain caretaking responsibilities, among other things. Another piece in Psychology Today emphasized that despite the pressure or even criticism coming from others, child-free people are typically satisfied with their decision and don’t seem to regret it in the long run.

Mothers typically take on more parenting-related responsibilities

Image credits: William Fortunato (not the actual photo)

The TikToker’s husband had different views when it came to having children, which is why the woman suggested a compromise. She was upfront about her stance and clearly described the circumstances under which she would be willing to have and raise kids, to which her partner seemingly agreed. However, the husband likely underestimated what having children would entail in his case, which eventually led to the woman raising them on her own.

Pew Research Center pointed out that mothers typically take more responsibility when it comes to children. A survey revealed that over 50% of people with children agree that moms play a larger role in managing the kids’ schedules and activities or taking care of them when they’re sick. Pew Research Center also showed that the TikToker’s concerns about motherhood affecting her career were not unreasonable, as four-in-ten working mothers agree that being a working parent interferes with them advancing in their job.

The husband might have not properly evaluated all that having children entails. That is why some people in the comments shamed him for his lack of responsibility. Others pointed out that no compromise should ever be made when it comes to having children in the first place.

Bored Panda has reached out to the user ‘Mom Update’ via TikTok and will update the article once we’ve heard back from them.