A best friend can be many things. Maybe it’s your next door neighbor from childhood who you share an eternal bond with from biking around the neighborhood together for years. Perhaps it’s your roommate from your freshman year of university who was there to make every all-night cram session much more fun. Or maybe it’s a person that you met through a shared interest like your favorite sport or hobby. Whoever your best friend is, they hold a special place in your heart, and they are likely the only person that you feel comfortable opening up to about certain topics.
But the people we love the most have the most power to hurt us, and unfortunately, some people have to face the hard truth that their best friend might not actually have their best interest at heart. One Reddit user, CrypticCrunch, posed the question, “When was the moment you realized that your best friend wasn't your best friend?” and sadly many people could relate to this experience. Below, you'll find some of the most heartbreaking epiphanies people had about their former best friends, as well as an interview with therapist and creator of Alyssa Marie Wellness Inc, Alyssa Mancao. We hope that these stories do not feel familiar to you, but maybe they will inspire you to send your best friend a message reminding them how much you appreciate them. And if you’re interested in reading even more similar stories after finishing this piece, you can check out Bored Panda’s last article on the same topic right here.
#1
She started dating my rapist.
Image credits: milkvine
Every relationship fluctuates over the years, especially a best friendship that may have lasted for decades. But when we’ve invested years into a relationship, it can be hard to notice when it’s become more of a burden than a gift. We tend to romanticize the past and cling to all of the positive experiences, even if they were long ago, when sometimes, it’s just time to call it quits.
To get some insight on how to know when it’s time to end a friendship, we consulted Alyssa Mancao, therapist and creator of Alyssa Marie Wellness Inc. “Signs that it's time to end a friendship are when you feel that your values are no longer compatible and you no longer desire to have them in your life, not even in the peripheral,” Alyssa says. “This often is due to a long history of incompatibility, betrayal, and mistrust. It is also normal to outgrow each other as friends and individuals. Cornerstones of a friendship are trust and joy, and without those things it may be a sign that it is time to move on,” she explains. “A person who competes with you, does things behind your back, and / or doesn't reciprocate action may not be someone that you would consider a close friend. Compatibility is an important part of a friendship and if you value loyalty, honesty, etc then it might be important for you that you have friends with similar values.”
#2
When she told me she doesn't like other girls except me cos she likes to be the prettiest girl in the room.
Image credits: Girl-From-Mars
“Lastly, our bodies can sense when we are no longer interested in having someone in our life: (the following is unrelated to social anxiety) we might feel more irritable around them, have headaches when we're with them, and feel our mood shift when we interact with them,” Alyssa says. “We might also notice that we feel hesitant to be around them, avoid spending time with them, and no longer feel fulfilled when we do spend time with them.”
We also asked Alyssa what she thinks is important to get from a friendship. “Connection, conversation, safety and joy. Our friends are our support system, of course this varies based on the degree of friendship (we have close friends and we have friends that we may not talk to for a long period of time but feel like no time has passed when we do reconnect),” she says. “Friendships are the relationships that we get to choose in our life, so it doesn't make sense to choose friendships and connections that don't bring you peace. Our friends are our confidants and the people that we can turn to when we are feeling low, share our wins with and everything in between. These are the moments that connect us to our friends. I believe we can also have healing experiences in our friendships, we heal within human connection and with the right friendships we can feel better about ourselves.”
#3
After she told me my sexual assault was my fault, I ended that 5 year friendship right then and there.
Image credits: lovelyfatality
Alyssa also shared some advice for anyone who knows they need to distance themselves from a friendship. “Remind yourself that you are doing the right thing for you in this season of your life. The discomfort around distancing yourself from a friend might feel like guilt, but guilt is an emotion that indicates that you are doing something wrong,” she shares. “So remind yourself that you are not wrong for wanting to take care of yourself. If you are struggling with distancing yourself, write out a list of the reasons why you are distancing yourself, what you hope to gain by separating yourself from them (peace of mind, ease, minimizing your emotional labor) and remind yourself of how you have been feeling in the friendship, too."
"It's common to hyper focus on the good times when leaving a friendship or relationship, this might trip you up and have you question your decision making, so being clear about why you are doing what you are doing can be a helpful tool in facilitating the separation process. Lastly, depending on the context. it might even be a growth opportunity for you to share your intentions (depending on each person's level of emotional maturity) because ending a friendship doesn't have to be messy, chaotic, or dysfunctional, it can be a normal conversation that promotes healthy good- byes.”
Finally, Alyssa noted, “Let's normalize how our individual growth can sometimes bring us closer to our friends, or further apart. Being further apart from someone doesn't have to be a good / bad situation, we can just view it as something that just is and is part of the ebbs and flow of life.”
If you’d like to hear more words of wisdom from Alyssa, you can check out her company’s website right here.
#4
This one's pretty wholesome, I'd have to say it's when he married his wife.I moved away for college and he stayed in state, he was still dating the woman who would later become his wife. We stayed in contact and everything, but distance is very hard for both of us, so staying in contact meant like a phone call every 4 months or so.
I still think of him as my brother, and I was the best man at his wedding, and during the course of the wedding and reception, and *especially* the video by drone they took of the proposal I realized he had made a new best friend, and now he was marrying her.
They've been together for a little over a year now :)
Breaking up with a best friend can be incredibly difficult, if you are used to being in almost constant contact, if you live together, or if it will change the dynamics of your other friendships. But it’s important to remember that a best friend is supposed to be someone you can rely on and always turn to. If you no longer feel that way, maybe it’s time to move on. It can be easy to lose sight of what a good friend really is, but according to Lilianna Hogan at WebMD, there are certain trademark qualities that make a great friend.
Lilianna notes that Aristotle wrote extensively about what makes a good friend and noted the importance of sympathy and mutual caring. There are many ways to exercise those qualities, including making each other feel good and supporting one another. You should always say nice things to your friends and compliment them. Make them feel proud of their accomplishments and support their endeavors. Being around a good friend should leave you feeling warm and fuzzy inside, and it should never make you more insecure or lead you to question parts of yourself.
#5
When she told me my husband and I would make hideous babies because red headed babies are the ugliest thing she has ever seen. She also locked me out of our hotel 4 hours from home with no way home at 3 am that same day after an arguement over her saying my husband kills people for a living (he's a chemist who works on developing chemotherapy).That was the last time I've spoken to her, 4 years ago. Such a jealous woman.
Image credits: sunflwr1662
It is also vital that a good friend accepts and celebrates your differences. It’s great to have some shared interests, but you cannot be the same person. Never try to change a friend, but stay open-minded to trying their hobbies. Regardless of what you think of your differences, there must always be respect. You can encourage your friend in pursuing their separate interests, and they should encourage yours. It's exciting to know that you can teach each other about topics that might be completely new to each of you!
#6
When she asked me out and I realised I was utterly, completely and hopelessly in love with her. 18 years and 3 kids later and I love her even more :)Another important quality of a valuable friend is being a good listener. You should both be interested in what one another has to say and allow them to finish without interrupting. Whether they are sharing exciting news or opening up about struggles in their personal life, your friend should know that they have a shoulder to lean on and that you will listen and remember what they share. On the same note, good friends are trustworthy. You should feel safe in a friendship knowing that what you share is confidential and will not be judged.
When conflicts inevitably arise over time, you should feel comfortable that respect and boundaries will always be maintained. “Perhaps you will do or say something that will upset your friend. Or maybe they have done something that upset you. Either way, close friends can candidly talk about these things and work through their issues,” Lilianna writes.
#7
When he ghosted me after I told him I had a tumor that ended up being cancerous.
Image credits: real_zexy_specialist
#8
"Best friend" of 7 years "fell in love" with my fiance. When I told him I didnt want to be friends anymore and kicked him out of my life, my fiance left me for him. I'll be honest, i wanted to kill him and almost did.
Image credits: trips_caused
#9
I found out she was uploading my art to a "bad art blog". I only found out because she sent me 2 paragraphs telling me I was a horrible friend anonymously on tumblr, then when I went to her crying over it wondering who it was she said it was her and then blocked me. I thought I could still fix things but then I found the bad art blog with my art on it, and found out she was talking s**t about me to her other friends.I was only 15 and even though its been years since it I'm still f****d up by it in some ways.
If you don't like someone, don't pretend to like them and make fun of them behind their backs. Just let them know you feel like you can't be friends anymore and distance yourself. Yeah that will hurt in the short term but it won't monumentally f**k over someones entire psych as being fake will.
Image credits: anon
To maintain a healthy friendship, it’s also important to make time for your friend. If you live in the same city, try to regularly have a movie night or meet for coffee at least once a month to catch up. It’s easy to accidentally allow distance to slip in, but seeing a friend frequently strengthens your bond and deepens your understanding of one another. If you don’t live in the same place, the internet is a powerful thing. Keep in touch via phone or video calls often, and send each other messages when you get the chance. Even a recipe that you know they would enjoy, a cute photo of a dog that made you think of them, or a text reminding them of one of your favorite memories together can be great ways to show that even if you don’t talk every day, they still mean a lot to you.
#10
While they were driving everyone decided they wanted to party. No one had money so they suggested they should call Varvatos he always has money. I was sitting in the back seat. I was like uh I’m right here and I’m not in the mood to party tonight.
Image credits: anon
#11
When we both tried to get in a frat, i didn't make it and he did which was cool bc we'd still hang out. That is until for the next month him and a few of his new frat pledgees would throw food at me and on at least 4 occasions id be blindsided on campus with them tipping me over, im in a wheelchair. They wore masks so i had no proof to anyone but he was pretty big and i recognized his shoes.he'd then try to still hang around me and act like he never did anything. I didn't really figure it out til about the 3rd time when they tipped me over and thats when i saw his shoes, confirming it.
About a year later he randomly texted me saying how sorry he was for what he did and hoped we could be friends again but by that time i could care less. Turns out he had gotten kicked out of the frat for drug use and now he couch surfs.
#12
when we went out to eat and i offered her to pay (as usual..) because she told me that she forgot her purse - she ordered loads of food and ate only half of it. After leaving her shoelace was loose and she bent over to tie her shoe and a 100$ bill was sticking out of her back pocket. She did this for four years and i never realised. Gave her another chance without sayin a word - three days later i found out she was constantly using my instagram to text my ex boyfriend to end my current realationship. I think she never got slapped so hard.
Image credits: mil035
Aside from the obvious benefits of having someone to confide in and a go-to person to hang out with on Saturday night, healthy friendships can even benefit us psychologically. According to WebMD, some of the best things friendships can do for us are: increase our sense of belonging and purpose, boost our happiness and reduce our stress, improve our self-confidence and self-worth, help us cope with various traumas including divorce, illness, job loss or the death of a loved one, encourage us to adopt healthy habits and avoid unhealthy ones such as drinking or being stagnant, help put our problems into perspective to develop a deeper sense of meaning and direction, increase feelings of security, and ease the emotional impact of difficulties and provide ideas for how to handle hard times.
#13
When they would talk and talk and talk about themselves but never ask about me
Image credits: CheekyLibrarian
#14
He was best man at my wedding. We had not much contact for a couple of years, but I still considered him my best friend. I heard about his wedding well after the fact, guess we're not best friends anymore
Image credits: raskal98
#15
When my "best friend" had marriage troubles, I was there for him. All through his wife's infidelity, the divorce, and the custody battle. I testified on his behalf in court and he got custody of the kids.Fast forward 2 years later, when I find out my wife is cheating on me. He's not really interested in talking to me about it so much, and even acts like he's not home when I stop by for a visit. And no, he wasn't the one my wife was cheating with.
He's a good dad and a fun guy to hang around with, but he's just not emotionally available to help other people out much.
Image credits: principalman
If you realize that you are just not getting what you need out of a friendship anymore, it might be time to think about ending it. Some of the reasons you might want to rethink a friendship are changes in circumstances making the friendship too difficult, growing apart over time, dishonesty, negativity, only being friends out of obligation, rivalry, toxicity, or a difference in values. Arlin Cuncic at Verywell Mind recommends a few methods for stepping away from a friendship including the gradual fade-out, having a talk, taking a break, and ending things immediately. Which course of action is best to take is completely dependent on the nature of the situation, but they can all be done in a healthy way, especially if you benefit from removing yourself.
#16
Our conversations were getting shorter and less intriguing. One day, I received great news and wanted to share it to my best friend. I then realized that they deleted and blocked me on facebook.
Image credits: Cheesycheese01
#17
When I found out she was sleeping with my boyfriend. F*****g b***h.
Image credits: onemorenightofjazz
#18
My friend completely ghosted me after I had my daughter. She never called or texted me. She got angry if I invited her over. Later she told me she was upset with me because I wasn’t paying enough attention to her.Good riddance.
Image credits: Compulsive-Gremlin
Arlin recommends that a gradual fade-out might be helpful for people who are afraid of confrontation. It is usually done to avoid any feelings from being hurt, but it can take a long time, especially if your friend is not getting the hint. It allows you to avoid having to explain yourself, but there is always a chance your friend will confront you about it. In any case, they might assume there is a problem with you, rather than thinking they have done anything wrong, so it probably will still accomplish the goal of ending the friendship.
On the other hand, having a talk may sometimes be healthier. If you feel that the friendship might be salvageable or you think your friend will actually listen to what you have to say without becoming defensive, it might be worth having a conversation. This can be done in person or via text, but it is important to talk about how you are feeling, not what the other person has done wrong. Focus on “I” statements, so they don't feel like they are being attacked for their actions.
#19
When she got s-faced drunk at my son's (her Godson's) wedding, trashed a hotel room, called me horrible names and punched me closed-fist in the face. She ended up passed out on the grounds of the hotel, came to and was arrested for trespassing because she refused to leave the premises. Days later (via email) blaming me because she didn't realize she was harboring so much "animosity" towards me.Buh-bye.
Image credits: SassyMillie
#20
Best friends for a couple of years. We were in different classes, I wrote her a message that I be on my way to her. When I arrived she forgot to alt tab the chat window with someone else making fun of me at the worst possible way.At that time she was my only friend. Was tough to have no friends after that for loooong time - this might not sound like a lot but I think that scared me and I'm still struggling making friends
Edit: holy s**t! That wave of responses is just crazy. Thanks for everyone who's reaching out to me. Also, thanks for the silver kind stranger!
Image credits: 1KeyUp
#21
When I invited her to hang out with me at the nearby lake for my birthday, she said she would get back to me. She never did, instead she posted on her Snapchat story about how much fun she was having with her other friends. I stopped talking to her after that.
Image credits: sleepy_gemini
Suggesting a break can also give you some valuable time to reflect and reevaluate a friendship without making any decisions that you can’t come back from. This can allow you time to calm down if you are emotional and upset or to strategize what your next step will be in the friendship and how to proceed. If you have been spending too much time together, a break can also let you get some perspective. It can be unhealthy to be caught in a bubble for too long. You can suggest a number of reasons for taking a break as well, from being busy for a few weeks to needing to take care of your mental health. Hopefully, the friend will respect your boundaries, and when you are ready to reach out again, you can.
#22
Not my best, but one I was growing closer to.She left me a voicemail but didn't hang up properly. It was like:
"Hey, WaffleHouseNeedsWifi. I'm with Melissa and we're seein' what you're up to. Call us when you get off work. Bye!" Rustling sounds. "She's probably not even at work. She does this lame-ass shit where she disappears for days on end. I don't even know why I called her. She's so fuckin' annoying and it'd be better to spend the day with just you."
Okay. Then do.
I listened to it three times just to make bloody certain I heard her 100% right. (It was crystal clear.) When she asked me days later what was up with me, I told her about the voicemail. She proceeded to deny it outright ("I never said anything like that!"), then jump down my throat claiming she was talking about someone else. (What? That didn't even make sense.) Whatever. And people wonder why I disappear.
Image credits: WaffleHouseNeedsWiFi
#23
When I visited my friend of 25 years (bestman, etc.) He got violently drunk and attempted to strangle me in front his screaming family while I begged for life and that my daughters would not be orphans. Because I didnt want to be grabbed. This happened 14 hours ago. Fun times#24
When I realized she only wanted to receive support and kindness but never give it. She had a rough home life growing up and I always supported her through everything, I would drop what I was doing when she’d call me in tears to help her.Then I had my own rough patch that left me in a depressive rut. She was always too busy with her hobbies (not even actual work/school) to even talk to me when I went seeking support. Would get angry when I sent simple “Are you free this weekend?” texts because it was too “needy”.
This is also when I learned who my real best friend was because she saw what was happening, told off this so called “friend”, and gave me all the support I needed.
Edit: Omg this got way more attention than I thought it would. I’m so sorry to see this is such a common ordeal that people have gone through/are going through. I wish everyone the best. We all deserve the support to get us through tough times.
Image credits: SortaDead
In some cases, especially when dealing with a toxic friend, it is best to end the relationship cold turkey. If someone has hurt you in a way that is irredeemable, you have the power to enforce strict boundaries. Whether it requires blocking their phone number and social media accounts or simply refusing to respond to their calls, only you know when it is healthiest to end a friendship immediately. Try not to become hostile or aggressive as you implement boundaries, but don’t feel guilty about stepping away. A friendship should always make you feel better, and if it is causing you harm or making you feel unsafe, you are better off without the person.
#25
Not my best friend but an ex friend of mine:"Your best friend doesn't have depression, she just has those awful thoughts because she watches horror movies"
Image credits: -cucumberbitch-
#26
Summary of a one hour phone call.​
Me, sobbing : "I have seen my doctor. She diagnosed a burn-out. I need to rest and relax for at least the next few months. I'm sorry, I can't work on our project anymore. It's too much for me".
​
Her answer : "How dare you? I thought you weren't that weak. We're all tired. You should man up. You're selfish for abandonning us like that. If you quit now, don't even bother contacting me again".
​
​
I don't know about you guys, but if my best friend call me sobbing about her health, my first reaction wouldn't be that one.
#27
When she told me she didn’t want to hang out because my toddler took up too much of my time and I was boring. Then she got knocked up and came to me crying about how hard everything is gonna be now that she’s single and pregnant.We know these stories can be hard to read, but we hope that you have never experienced anything similar to them. Everyone deserves to have kind, loving and healthy friendships, and if you are rethinking any of your own, it might be time to take a step back. Keep upvoting the stories that you find most heartbreaking, and then let us know in the comments what a good friend means to you. Feel free to also share with your fellow pandas if you have ever experienced a realization that could be on this list. We hope that any unhealthy friendships are far in your past now.
#28
When he posted wedding photos on Facebook. I didn't know he was dating anyone.
Image credits: marvin789
#29
We graduated from high school and she went to college halfway across the world. When she came back to visit, when I tried to hang out with her she was always too busy. I later saw tons of pictures posted on Facebook with her and other girls having fun together. So that’s what she was so busy with.Then at one point she told me that those girls had actually invited me to everything but she convinced them I wouldn’t be able to go. I would have been able to go. I left her alone after that
Edit: I see a lot of speculation in the comments so I’ll try to clear things up - these girls were all people I’d been going to school with since kindergarten or so. We all knew each other. I was on good terms with the other girls. The girl I’d been best friends with since first grade so I felt loyal to her even though as we got older she got meaner. I’ve learned better since then.
I have no idea why she said that but when she said it, it was with no malice or shame or anything. Like she was just offfhandedly stating a fact. I honestly can’t figure out why. Maybe she really did think I was busy and it just came out really, really wrong. But it seems deliberate when you do that consistently for 2-3 weeks while everyone was back home.
Image credits: ndhlpplse
#30
When they said that I’m not funny and never have been. They said they only laughed at my jokes out of pity. They then said that no girl would ever like me and that I’m annoying. The thing about girls didn’t hurt that bad but for some reason by them saying I wasn’t funny really hurt. This was after 3 years of being best friends#31
When he didn't invite me to his birthday party. I went over to drop off a present, thinking he wasn't having a party (hadn't mentioned anything at school) and found him with his better friends.Edit: Holy s**t this blew up. Doubled my karma. Also don't be too mean please; it was 4th grade and he's not a terrible person.
#32
My best friend of high school, someone who I thought would be in my life for a long time, started to hit on a girl that I was talking to. He would lie about me to change her opinion of me. And the best part is he never admitted to a thing. Maybe not that bad, but I felt really betrayed.
Image credits: Ken2461
#33
I must flip this because I was the problem, not him. Fell in love with him. Could not reverse my feelings. Shamed of this. He deserved a better friend. Has moved on. I miss him.​
edit: thank you for messaging me. feels good knowing many of us know this experience. whole thing gave me whiplash. we were friends for almost a decade before a switch flipped and a flip switched for me and it did not go back. i waited for months before i told him, because i wanted to make sure I wasn't confused and that my feelings were not going away. I think I even waited for about a year, IIRC. he was really sound about it. i swear i'm not putting him on top of a pedestal, he handled it all perfectly and treated me very right. he was confused at first, and we tried to be together a few times, on and off I guess. Over a couple of years. Never anything official, we were already so close and had been spending most of our time together anyhow. He was ready ages ago to resume being friends and I tried but we were tumbling down different fields of life at the time. I think he has a kid now. I believe we live in separate countries. We were very close once and had good times and I respect him and hope he continues to be well and happy.
#34
"Stop following me around I dont even know you"
Image credits: GokusTheName
#35
I have lived within 2 hours of him for the last 6 years and he has never come to visit me, always me visiting him. Last straw had a huge July 4th bbq and invited him and he declined so he could go to a lake with strangers. F**k you Rick!
Image credits: lizard_king0000
#36
Best friend of 15 years. It all unraveled the night he told my cousin to kill herself, tried to start a fight with multiple people at my house, and flipped off my mom.Edit: Yes, he was drunk at the time. No, I'm not reaching out to him. Disrespect to my family is an irredeemable offense in my eyes. He's out of my life completely now.
Image credits: DeltaSolana
#37
I had a group that I considered my best friends in middle and high school. I'd been incredibly troubled and depressed, but we all got along and were competitive in academics. They were the people I loved to spend time with. I transferred to a new high school but still saw them all the time.One day we went to dinner, and plans were to go spend the night at my place after. At dinner, I casually came out.
Suddenly, no one was able to make it to my place for the night.
#38
After years of giving me a hard time for eloping, making me promise after my 1st divorce that if I marry again she MUST be invited.... I invited her. She got her mom to babysit her kids, and then went to her ex boyfriends house to f**k all weekend, totally blowing off my wedding.My wedding was extremely small. Besides my daughter, she was my only invited guest.
She showed me right there exactly how important I was to her.
#39
When she completely cut off communication. One day we were hanging out, next day: nothing. I would text, call, no responses. I still dont know what I did wrong
Image credits: awkwardllama97
#40
Best friends since birth, our families were friends. The two of us + my brother and her brother spent together every weekend for roughly twenty years. Then she changed. She became super entitled and holier-than-thou.Final straw was when four years ago she wanted to go to paintball for her birthday and invited both me and my lil brother. My lil bro had an autoimmune disease and could not partecipate. I told her that I would not go either cause I didn't want my teenage brother to feel different.
She flipped the f**k out. Told me I was an a*****e and it was her birthday, and she didn't care that much about my brother.
I got really mad. I wrote her a long, long message and I didn't hold back. She never answered. Cut contact there and then.
Six months after that, my brother almost died. She never came to the hospital or even called. Not me, not him, not my mother.
Been no contact for four years and never looked back.
Edit: I'm not sure if it's clear that *she* cut contact with me, not the other way around.
#41
When she invited me out to dinner as a Christmas gift, and then when the check was dropped, told me she actually couldn’t treat bc she had impulse bought her shitty boyfriend a plane ticket when she was drunk the evening before and therefore didn’t have the $$.Among other things, but this was the moment when I was really like, wow, my friendship means nothing to her.
Image credits: calamarcie
#42
When he started spreading rumors that I was a f**k boy that was going to shoot up the school despite me never having a girlfriend at that point and am extremely nonviolent.
Image credits: AegisParagon_
#43
When all the convorsations had to be started by me. When I called him out on it his excuse was "I'm very busy" F**k dude like the rest of us aren't. A text now and then won't kill you#44
My coworker was my best friend. Then she became my boss.#45
My family (me, wife and 3 kids at the time) was in a rough spot, living with a friend a few years ago. I told that friend that if anyone had a problem with my wife, that they had a problem with me.Word got around. My 'best' friend messaged me on FB asking if what I said was true, instant reply of yes.
Havent heard from him since.
A lot of people had difficulty realizing my wife was disabled. Chronic pain condition called Fibromyalgia, and many friends and family alike thought she was just lazy, didnt want to work and was using me. Most of my family have come around and know this ain't a f*****g joke.
F**k all the rest of them. We've been married 14 years soon, have a great relationship, 4 kids, and despite all the horrific pain and suffering she goes through, we're doing ok for ourselves now.
I don't have much time for friendships these days, so I socialize online for the most part.
Edit: lots of replies being downvoted for no reason...
#46
When she called me a ‘s**t’ ‘whore’ etc when her adult brother molested me. We were 12.#47
When after my mom passed I made the conscious choice to only be “happy” around her because she let me know on several occasions she didn’t like dealing with other people’s feelings and I didn’t want to burden her — and then a few months later she told me she couldn’t be my friend any longer with no explanation while we were living together and she knew I wasn’t able to move out for a few months longer. She instantly stopped speaking to me unless it was a rude comment and wouldn’t eat anything I cooked (cooking was therapeutic for me and I loved doing it for her and her family).Still have no explanation on the why she no longer wanted to be friends after 10 years. But... I am marrying her brother in the fall and he’s the most amazing thing to have ever happened to me. So there’s that!
#48
When he called me over and like 2 hours in he gets a phone call, says he's going with his friends to Stockholm and ask me to leave#49
3 of us started hanging out when we were 13 and 14. Lived together in our first incredible small (bunk beds) studio apartment. I was his boss and got him hired at the company he is still at when my boss didn't want me to hire him. (that isn't a reflection on him, he was a great employee, my boss at the time was an idiot.) he was best man at my wedding years later, and as soon as I got married, all ties were cut. I have no idea why, he wouldn't respond to anything from me. I saw him one more time a couple years later at my other friend's wedding. He barely spoke to me and won't reply to anything since then, more than a decade ago. I am still friends with his brother, who came out as gay and was cut off from the entire family. If I had done something, or there was some reason or anything it would be great to know, but he just ended everything for no reason. Years of friendship, not only with me, but with my parents too. He lived at our house on the weekend every weekend for years. He cut off the 3rd member of our trio also, again, for no reason. F**k you, Mark.#50
Friend since grade 7, she was going through mental health issues and began talking to me about them.I'm no expert and had literally learned a few hours before that adults are allowed to call the "kids help phone" and won't be turned away.
I told her this, not to dissuade her from talking to me about it (I made this clear) but she instantly shut me out of her life because she thought "that's what friends were for"
#51
When he showed up to a party with his new girlfriend, who was my ex that I had broken up with less than two weeks prior. He knew that I was really hurt about the break up, as it was a situation where I was really in love with her, but I broke up with her because I kept catching her lying to me and I was about 99% certain she was cheating on me also. When they showed up, I was so pissed off at them that I didn't know what to do, so I excused myself and left the party. The next day, I confronted him about the situation over the phone, and he told me I was the one being the a*****e because he thought I was going to be a "cool bro" and I would be excited for him since he was getting his d**k wet. He then told me that if they didn't work out, we could just go back to being best friends again, as if it worked that way. They ended up breaking up a few weeks later when she started pulling the same s**t on him that she had pulled with me.#52
When she tried to tell me that she understood how I felt about my mum's death the week before, because her parents were getting divorced and she would only be able to see her dad every other weekend.... and then she made it all about how she wasn't sure if she could cope with the depression about to wash over her when he started moving out etc. *I* had to comfort *her*. Not trying to minimise the impact of the divorce on her, I'm sure it hurt a lot, but JFC you can still see your dad, you can talk to him on the phone when you miss him... my mother is *dead*! The two are *not* the same thing.
Image credits: Oryctolagus_Argentum
#53
I went to my boss asking why my best friend was promoted instead of me when I had been working longer and had a better work ethic. Boss told me that my "friend" had told her I wasn't interested in the promotion. My friend and I lived together and had talked about how nice it would be to get the promotion the previous week.#54
For years, my best friend had asked me every summer to go to this sleepaway summer camp in the Poconos with her but my mother wouldn't ever let me go. The year she finally broke down and said I could go, my bestie and I spent weeks shopping and planning and talking about it nonstop. It was going to be glorious - the final summer before junior high.After her parents dropped us off, however, this b***h proceeded to flat out ignore me the entire two weeks we were there. She wouldn't even have a two minute conversation with me to tell me what I'd done. I was beyond miserable. All the other kids had been going there every summer and all knew each other and here I was, basically alone in another state, pre-internet and cell phones, totally bewildered and upset because my best friend since kindergarten (and the only other person I knew there) wouldn't so much as look at me. I was miserable. When her parents came to pick us up, I didn't say a damn word the whole two hour trip home and never spoke to her again. To this day I have no idea why the f**k she acted like that but I'm still a little pissed off.
#55
When he stopped hanging out with me to chill with losers who gave him free drugs.#56
I gave this person way too many chances.When she would only have me come over so she could go to a concert. Because her parents liked me and let us go out.
She stopped talking to me for a while but hit me because she was applying for a job and needed “clean urine”
We stopped talking again. Then she would call me to tell me she needed food and money for her son.
And then bought drugs.
I’ve stopped helping her. And she’s no longer my “best friend” but I listen when she needs to talk and having a hard time. Do the “man, that really sucks”
I don’t hate her. But I’ve set boundaries. I really hope she gets her life together.
#57
When he told my other friends “f**k him he doesn’t have time to hang out”. I tried to hang out with them as much as possible but That’s what happens when you have work, school, and a GF.#58
When I found out she had been lying to everyone else that I “was busy” or something so I’d never be invited anywhere. 4 years straight. She was my only friend.#59
When I opened up to her about my postpartum depression and she told me that she didn’t have time for depression and it was weak.I was never vulnerable with her but I was dying inside I needed someone and she had told me she didn’t care.
I began shutting her out then.
#60
In our final year of university after having a nearly identical schedule for our first three years, we took different electives to finish up our degree. Since we weren't seeing each other every day, we talked less and less. It's not just on him I didn't do enough either, but it kinda sucked realizing that our friendship wasn't going to last up to graduation, and obviously afterwards as well.#61
When he just stopped hanging out with me or talking to me, and hung out with all the "cool kids" instead. Haven't had a friend since, he was my only friend.#62
Extremely homophobic, and I had a crush on her. Smh#63
Telling his brother after I had called to talk for a bit like we always did "I told you to say I'm not home if pootis_panser_here called....." Was upset but it also clued me in to not waste time on that person anymore. Just told him not to worry and that I would talk to him later. Never did, just left it at that.#64
My best friend was always complaining and making everything about herself. I met my boyfriend and moved cities so we could be together. Only after a while did i realise that i was feeling so relieved to stop catering to her needs.#65
When I got an internship at my dream job and she started to pull away more and more until two months went by and I realized she ignored most of my texts and snapchats. After the internship I tried to contact her a few times thinking it was just a product of her being busy with graduation/me being in another state working crazy hours but a mutual friend stepped in and told me she didn't want to be friends with me anymore.​
I considered her family, she decided I was very replaceable. It hurt a lot more considering we both used to bond over the fact that our childhoods were filled with "best friends" dumping us for more popular people.
#66
When he f****d my son's mother, who was also my girlfriend at the time, in my home, while I was at work. (Edited for clarity.)#67
I had an exceptionally close friend in high school. We'd talk on the phone several times a week and share our innermost thoughts and feelings but we mostly joked around and talked about music and our classes. Lots of people thought we were dating or should date but we both maintained it was platonic. The closer I got to her the further I drifted from my other friends, not to mention my family who she didn't really care for. It obviously added some baggage to any romantic relationship I found myself in. When we went off to separate colleges we had a lot of time apart. I ended up going to therapy for my depression and my therapist pointed out that although the friendship had its merits, it wasn't exactly healthy. The thought had honestly never crossed my mind before! I thought she was exaggerating but kept in the back of my mind.On the drive back from a strange day trip to see her, it just hit me how toxic this friendship really was. This person was incredibly nice to me, but she subtly lead me to believe that it was us against the world, that I couldn't really trust anyone like her. I wouldn't jump to calling it abuse but it was definitely fucky. I ended up ghosting her the next week. At first I felt guilty about it but ultimately I think it was the right move for both of us.
#68
When my ex broke up with me and I was looking for people to talk to. Not a call, not a message, not a word about it from him while other friends were genuinely worried.Nah, instead the guy just starts hanging out with my ex more.
Not like I listened to all the s**t you had going on and tried to help you through it, but oh well.
#69
When my other best friend informed me and my now wife that my now wife was just a pity f**k and she wanted to drop molly and then hook up with me while I was in a long term relationship. We had been best friends for 10 years. Haven't spoken to her since. Chick was crazy.#70
Brother-in-law became my stalker and I was just always prepared for him to murder me. I try venting and she interrupted with: I went on a date last night and it was probably the best date of my life.No apology. Nothing but worry I would be upset because his name was the same as a shitty ex of mine.
#71
When I noticed the pattern of love-bombing, showing no regard for my time, and only coming to me when she needed me to do something for her. I started noticing I didnt feel good while around her, and she was constantly trying to change me. I dont blame her, and I feel bad because I know she has a hard time making/keeping friends, but I feel like it's because she's trying way too hard.#72
When I was 14 I became great friends with a girl in my class called Kirsty. We spent all our time together, I stayed at her house every weekend. Of course I assumed we were best friends. One day I asked her to do something and she didn't want to (can't remember what). So I said, "Please, best friend." To which she replied, "You aren't my best friend, Rhiannon is my best friend!" Ouch.#73
When I told her I was moving in with my boyfriend in a different state, she screamed and swore at me, busted into my room at my home (while I was talking to my boyfriend on discord so he heard the whole thing) saying he would probably rape and kill me, or just dump me on the street when we would eventually break up.We still live together, and she got over it but it hasn't been the same since.
#74
When my girlfriend left me my best friend at the time said "it's cool man, I f****d her, you don't want trash like that in your life." He was right.#75
She was the only person I had told about being sexually assaulted. When it eventually got out that there were other victims and I went to court she refused to testify, stayed friends with my abuser, and lied to people and sad that I hadn’t told her anything.I’m still too chicken to completely cut her off but f**k that.
#76
My senior year of high school, when the group of "friends" had inside jokes about me. They made a game of mentioning these jokes in front of me. When it finally got out I pretty much never talked to them again. After graduation, never seen again.#77
Was gonna make a throwaway, but F that.Last year. HE was in my town and ran into my son at a local store.
My son: "Does my dad know you are in town?"
Guy: "No. He's an a*****e."
Now, I may be an a*****e. But an a*****e down a best friend now.
#78
He was asking for help from my other friends in school for a problem on his computer work, they suggested why not ask me for help since I sat next to him in class and then replied “I’m not asking him he’s f*****g stupid” while I was right near him printing stuff out. I was so surprised I just pretended I didn’t hear anything and went back to my desk. Didn’t speak to him for a while after that.#79
I've had this happen twice in my life. The first one lacked any defining moment. We had grown up together and been best friends for well over a decade, but after college he moved to another state so we never saw each other. Still talked every day and played video games together several times a week. But I noticed after awhile that I was always the one to initiate conversations and ask for us to play games. So, I just got curious one day how long it would take for him to say hi for once or start a game. After two years of not talking with him I finally removed him from my friends list. In hindsight, I should have talked with him about things and why it hurt my feelings, but early 20's is still basically a kid. I lacked a lot of maturity.Second time was after my divorce. I moved in with my best friend at the time, a man who I called my brother. I was going through a lot, not just the divorce. Like having to apply for disability and my mom being terminally ill. Meanwhile he had recently started taking testosterone and gotten married to a woman who insisted on "traditional values" and him being the "man of the house." Which all translated to him being an insensitive a*****e who kept calling me lazy and accusing me of mooching off him, despite the fact that I was doing all the housework and had taken the initiative to reorganize both his books and his magic collection for him. He kicked me out after a month. For context, like 5 years before he had been really ill, hospitalized for weeks, and I moved in to take care of him when nobody else would, even giving the bastard sponge baths. I wiped his literal a*s for him and he couldn't handle the fact that somedays my disabled a*s had to skip doing dishes and catch up when I felt better later. And he got my food stamps. I doubt I made his electric and water bills go up that much to get so pissy and accuse me of mooching.
#80
Sounds petty but we had a fall out over seeing Frozen in the cinema. We both loved Tangled so wanted to see the Frozen together but she couldn’t afford the ticket, so my sister and I paid for her.Come the day she messages me saying her mum grounded her so she can’t come out. I call her home phone to convince her mum to let her come out and got the response ‘oh she’s at her grandparents right now, I hope you enjoy the film’.
I cried to my mum about it, and my mum helped me understand that my friendship was just toxic, I had been stood up or lied to too many times. Couldn’t refund the ticket but it became my mum’s favourite film so it was worth it.
Should have realised she wasn’t my best friend sooner when she told me she was grounded on my birthday so couldn’t come but instead went out to have sex with her boyfriend.
Edit: We were both 17 at the time for those asking
#81
I took her to Vegas for her bachelorette party. I was the maid of honor, everyone else bailed except for one other bridesmaid so I drove us there from AZ. She said she didn’t care what we did so I got us hooked up with a table that night to see Dillion Francis and we spent the day at a pool party before hand. We took a nap in the room before that night and she apparently got locked out of the room (which was in her name) but never called either of us who were sleeping. She was incredibly mad at me and she and the other girl flew home the next morning while I was still asleep and left me to drive home by myself#82
When she came into my place of work (bar) with a bunch of her friends and when I tried to sit with her and tell her something that was going on with me she basically shut me down and said something like “they’re trying to have a good time I don’t want negative energy” and then after that only talked to me when she wanted me to like Instagram pictures , or support her buisness.#83
I don’t think I’ve ever actually had one tbh, there always seems to be another friend that they’re closer with than me, and I’m like the third wheel#84
...She used to say some really racist s**t.I mean appallingly racist. It was incredibly ironic considering she was one of the girls that grew up listening to a lot of rap and some RnB. I think she had some serious issues.
Neither her mom or her dad seemed all that racist, but she sure as hell was.
#85
It was in 8th grade when he said "I don't even really like that guy" after being asked why he hung out with me. It was in Xbox Live party chat and he didn't realize I was in the party. Left the chat after he said that and never spoke with him again.#86
Best friend for 15 years stomped my head in while I was drunk and left me for dead til someone called an ambulance.#87
When they choked me at a football game because I didn’t let them cover my mouth with duct tape.#88
When I stopped dismissing all of his insults as jokes and finally got up the courage to report him to the counselor. He called me mean and said I betrayed him, although he was an a*****e.This was in 4th grade btw.
#89
When he became a "failure to launch" type person and lost what little motivation he had in life. He was always... under motivated when we were younger, but after failing out of college by simply not going to class, getting fired from the job I helped him get (TWICE FROM THE SAME JOB!!), and sitting on unemployment for nearly 2 years, I just can't be around that kind of person.Guy still thinks the best years of his life were junior year of high school.
He's 35 now and lives with his mother.
Last time I saw him all he'd talk about were things I couldn't remember from literally half a lifetime ago for me. Dude, i'm really sorry but that "awesome time we played that one round of Mario Party 3" kinda doesn't stand out.
Trips down memory lane are nice, but when they are held as the "golden age", it's just not interesting.
Couple that with no motivation to better himself, lose the other person he carries every day in weight (dudes at least 450lb / 200 kg).
Working 25 hours a week is not a "busy life" when your Mom takes care of everything else...
Oh, also, he tries to pick up 19 year old girls ALL... THE... TIME... and that's been his "type "ever since he passed that age bracket.
Edit: Many of you are mentioning depression, and I initially chalked a lot of this up to that, but there's a willful aspect to him not wanting to drive or succeed. He's cool with being the 35 year old virgin, smoking weed, working part time and n living 2 decades ago over and over.
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