We all know that words can heal, just as they can hurt. The same goes with asking questions. Sometimes even the most innocent ones, given the particular circumstances, like a simple “who are you?” and “why wouldn’t you stand up straight for a photo?” can hit us in the bones.
So when Redditor Sneha_magic asked people “What innocent question that someone asked you crushed you a little?” on the AskReddit community, it resonated with many people. And they shared their own emotional experiences when a single question made them very emotional, and it’s one hell of a read. It turns out, we should never take any question for granted, no matter how innocent and well-intentioned it may feel to us.
#1
A waiter asked me if my wife was pregnant once. She was just bloated from chemo side effects. Crushed me, so glad she didn't hear. She couldn't have had kids and she passed 2 years back.Edit: I just wanted to say thanks to those who commented on this, it wasn't expected. We went to the place a lot so as a young couple he had seen over the years it was probably a reasonable thing to assume.
Also I'm doing ok, we knew she was terminal for most of our relationship, we probably did more in those few short years than we would have normally. It hurts a lot still but I know I have her everything I possibly could in that time. Just remember to live life like each day could be your last people, mend that broken friendship, ask out that girl, follow your dream. XXX.
Image credits: TheMrJacobi
#2
My son undergoing chemo and radiation treatment for a bone marrow transplant. People, meaning well of course, would always ask 'how's your son doing?' I'd always have to fake a smile and give some shallow hopeful answer 'he's fine. He's a fighter' but deep inside the question crushed me every time. No, he was suffering. Teetered on the brink of Life and death. He was not 'fine' and Everytime I heard that question I was reminded of it and had to swallow the pain. My son has since recovered, but it was a very tough time.
Image credits: GameQb11
#3
My mom accidentally called me after about 10 years of not talking. I answered all ready for a serious conversation. When I answered, she was like 'wait, who's this?' I say 'hey mom it's me.' Her reply is what hurt.Who? Why are you calling me mom?
She was so drunk she didn't recognize her own daughter's name. F**k'aye.
Image credits: fragglerawks
#4
I teach 1st grade and was talking about how I've been married for 5 years. One student asked, 'How could you not have a baby by now?' Not wanting to explain multiple miscarriages and IVF to a classroom of 6 year olds I said, 'Being around all of you makes my heart so full that I don't think I have room in my heart for a baby!!' They all smiled. I smiled too. I've learned from my experience to never ask couples when/if they want to have a family.
Image credits: Asquirrelgirl
#5
I got asked why I wouldn't stand up straight for a photo. I have kyphosis and am standing up as straight as I can.
Image credits: foxturtle123
#6
When I was 13 my mom got a divorce from a man who I can only refer to as a “step monster”I worked all summer to save up money since we didn’t have a lot and I was worried we wouldn’t have enough to pay the bills.
I ended up having a few dollars left over and wanted to buy my mom a gift and she mentioned she needed a new watch for her birthday.
I went to the jeweler and got a $100 gold Citizen Evo Drive watch. It was functional and it looked really nice.
When I gave it to her, her first response was “thanks honey, did it come in silver?”
I was crushed.
Insult to injury: she started dating a guy around the same time and he bought her a crappy silver watch. She ended up wearing his over mine
18 years later and it still hurts when I think about it.
Image credits: TonkaButt
#7
I went to get a haircut for my Fiance's funeral. It was Friday. He had died on Tuesday. My stylist, all bubbly, said, 'It's been awhile!! The last time I saw you, you were just about to move in with your boyfriend! How's it going?' The words stuck and I kind of rasped it out.Honestly though, her reaction was so wonderful. She was behind me, and just put her hands firmly on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes in the mirror. No shock, no stupid platitudes, just silent, genuine empathy. The rest of the haircut was pretty quiet, but she did everything so... like, lovingly, and didn't make a big deal out of it when I cried a little.
Image credits: RaptureReject
#8
“Since when do you have a stutter?” -my momWhen I get extremely anxious I stutter a lot. My dad had been incredibly hard on me that day and I was holding back tears. It hurt me that my mom had never noticed it before and she seemed annoyed by it rather than concerned.
Image credits: yugayaoyama
#9
"When will we dig up dad?" asked by my almost 5 yo son. He's never met him as dad died three months before birth. This goes along the question "when will dad stop being dead?".
Image credits: SmoczyCzarownik
#10
Rough night last night?' Usually asked with a big smile.I was asked that all the time when I was younger because I had a really obvious tremor. Thing is, I did not drink or do drugs at all and I had no idea what was wrong with me. I was eventually diagnosed with Graves' Disease and treated for it, but I still have a bit of a tremor.
Image credits: imk
#11
'I could never imagine getting cancer at such a young age. How are you this strong/brave/do you stay so positive?' - I’ve stopped counting the amount of people (especially working at the hospital, I’d expect a bit more sensitivity from them) that have asked me that. Yes I’m mid 20’s, but it’s not a choice that I’m 'staying strong.' it’s freaking survival. Every time someone asks me that, it feels like getting punched.
Image credits: alonelymushroom
#12
Mom asked me, 'Who are you?' when I visited her recently. She has dementia.
Image credits: socrates_scrotum
#13
Specialist appointment and they did the normal thing of checking contact details. They asked if the contact number and details for my wife were still correct. I started crying - my wife passed away this time 12 months ago. Surprising how much one simple question asked in total innocence can bring you to your knee
Image credits: M1r9f7i9sh
#14
Not a question but my 8 year old niece once remarked "you don't laugh anymore".Edit: this was over a year ago when I was having a rough time but I'm doing much better now. Thank you all for your support and for sharing your stories. I wish you all the best.
Thanks again for the gold kind strangers xx
#15
Someone jokingly asked me if I was high because my eyes were red. I had just been diagnosed with an eye disease and told I would go blind before 50. My eyes were red from my medicated eye drops and partially from crying. I was only sixteen and having a hard time coming to terms with it.
Image credits: [deleted]
#16
Just happened recently actually. A few years ago I had a pretty awesome life, I was married. My husband and I were trying to have kids and when I needed a car we just got me an SUV in anticipation for needing it for kids (he had two and we planned to have 2-3)Well things didn’t work out and he ended up dying from drinking himself to death in January and between that and 2 miscarriages, an ectopic and an IVF cycle that failed I’m slowly coming to the realization that I’ll never be a mother. It’s painful to say the least.
The kid I nanny for was sitting in my car and we were discussing his day when he says 'nanny why do you have such a big car when it’s only you?' I wanted to cry right there on the spot, it just really stung. But instead I told him it was because I knew I would be watching him and I needed a car big enough for him which seemed to placate him and he then started discussing Batman with me.
Image credits: SuperGurlToTheRescue
#17
"So when are you going back for your master's degree?"I was so proud of getting my bachelor's and had no intention of going back because how rough school was for me.
#18
“How’s your brother doing? Haven’t seen him in a little while.” He passed away 2 years ago. That wasn’t very fun
Image credits: iAmCleatis
#19
Someone once asked me "don't you want to be a mom?" Yes, I do. But as I'm single, over 40 and not rich, that's probably not going to happen and it devastated me. I had to say "Yes, I'd love that", and then excuse myself to go home and cry.#20
Why don't you live with your parents?I live with my grandparents because I didn't want to live with my abusive stepmoms on both sides of the family. They all live down in Texas while I'm in Colorado. Still hurts a little when people ask, though.
Image credits: lowkey_h8_myself
#21
I had no friends in summer school and a girl asked me if I had any friends. Like straight up, 'Do you have any friends?' Then became friends with me but still.
Image credits: boringassy
#22
'When will you get better so you can play with us?' My niece who was to young to understand what disabled meant. She's older now and understands I will never get better. And we have adapted play time to do things i can handle as well. But that broke my heart.
Image credits: littletrashpanda77
#23
I grew up lower middle class and my parents had been severely injured by a drunk driver at the end of my 8th grade year and were disabled and no longer able to work. We basically had no money for school clothes but my mother tried to get me a few cool shirts.I wasn’t a popular kid and most people didn’t really know much about me. In my freshman year of high school, one of the popular girls in my class asked, “don’t you have more than 3 shirts? I only ever see you in the same 3 shirts.”
High school in the 80’s in the United States sucked.
Image credits: liablemtl
#24
I was a freshmen in High School in 1992-93. My high school science teacher asked me if I was ever jealous of my older brother(he was a senior). I was kind of confused.She said, "You know, since he is so smart, popular, and just has everything going for him..."
First time I had ever, in my entire life, considered that people viewed my brother as better than me.
It has honestly kind of stuck with me. That was 26 or 27 years ago.
#25
Why don't you have any kids? Sometimes it really bothers me when people ask me this.
Image credits: MustacheFart69
#26
What's on her face, mom? -little girlI used to be a cashier and had terrible acne at the time.
Image credits: lohwatne
#27
'How are you handling everything?' - my notary public who also happens to be my boss's boss while notarizing my divorce paperwork. Completing a divorce packet with no help from an attorney can be a real pain, but at least it kept me focused on the bureaucratic bullsh*t nonsense part of it rather than the fact that my 9 year marriage was ending. Turned out that as soon as someone asked me sincerely how I was doing, the answer was not at all well. I went back to my desk and had a panic attack.
Image credits: oyofmidmidworld
#28
"Do you have a boyfriend?""No."
"Oh. Why not?"
Because I'm a loser, lady, and nobody wants me.
#29
"Why are you so weird?"I never really fit in, but I'm not sure why this question crushed me so much
#30
Why do you work in a factory when you have an honors degree in physics...
Image credits: elfmere
#31
when me and my dad and my sister were driving to another town to get away from my mom so we could eat without getting yelled at/stuff thrown at us my suster asked why mommy was so mean, and my dad had to simplify to her level that her mom was an alcoholic. she was six. edit: o shet this blew up thx i guess#32
My recently divorced ex and I worked at the same place. Divorce was not my idea but he'd found someone new and I was heartbroken. He ended up quitting at her insistence. 6 months after the divorce was final, a coworker asked how ex husband was doing, hadn't seen him since he quit yadda yadda.Behind my back another coworker was trying to wave 1st coworker off... spent the rest of the shift crying on and off. Apparently coworker #1 was oblivious and didn't know we'd divorced, just thought ex had quit.
Image credits: xceptn2therule
#33
"Why did you did you teach yourself how to shave"My boss asked me when I missed a few spots when I was in work. We got into the topic of shaving properly. My father died when I was 12 of a heart attack. He wasn't really around enough or cared enough to be in my life. From when he left my mother when I was 5, she raised me until i was 18 and then thank god my step father came into our life. He married my mom and right after, took me to the court house and adopted me. I told him that it wasn't necessary since I was 18 and starting life as a man but he insisted that he wanted to be there for me until the day he passes away. I still cry till this day that a man who doesn't even have my blood, wants to be there for me for anything. I don't know where I would be without him. Him and my mom have been happily married for 10 years now!
#34
“so why did you decide to take year off school right now?”I‘m a pre med student only half way though undergrad, so i get that it’s a weird time to take time off school. But i don’t think my new coworkers realize how personal of a question that is. I can’t tell them it’s because I was hospitalized for 2 weeks after trying to kill my self, jumped right back in to school the next semester, and then failed that miserably before realizing that i need to at least take a year off. so i say, “just really felt like i needed a break :)”
#35
Nonverbal, but the nurse at the flu shot station seemed unsure whether to give me the under-65 or over-65 consent form. If I'm going to be mistaken for being that much older than my actual age, at least it should be in the context of me getting a senior discount.
Image credits: Frankie_Bow
#36
I worked in retail when I was younger and people would always be like "oh, do you have any ideas for Father's day?" "What'd you get your dad?". My dad committed suicide when I was 16. They had no way of knowing that but damn if it didn't hurt.#37
"When are you due?" I wasn't pregnant. Have since lost over 60lbs though.
Image credits: BumbleBreezeSun
#38
What do you see when you look in the mirror each morning?My friend was having some body issues and she asked me this question since I was one of the most confident people she knew. She learned maybe a bit too much that day.
Image credits: Cyanora
#39
Speaking to my coach the other day she asked me "how are you feeling?" And i honestly did my best not to cry my eyes out. I just got out of school and have to figure out what i wanna study next year while balancing 3 jobs that barely gives me enough for rent... so... i feel bad to be honest...#40
I have a tattoo on my chest that's a song title of my favorite band. I had the tattoo artist do it in the font style of their logo. It's in a runic looking style font and says "My Own Savior". The "S" in Savior" is kinda center of my chest. After about three years of having this tattoo now, someone at my new job last week cornered me asking what kind of "S" that is. Pretty much insinuating that it was some Nazi bolt "S" or something. I had to pull up a picture of the band logo to show it wasn't but fuck it still bothers me, I'm constantly hoping now that no one thinks I'm a Nazi asshole with this tattoo.#41
I always wanted to study psychology in college but my overbearing mother wouldn’t have that so I studied chemistry. In my last semester I took an abnormal psychology class just for fun and I crushed it, ending with a 99% average. After the final, my professor took me outside the classroom and said, “Why didn’t you major in psychology? You would have made a great psychologist.”That really crushed my soul. I think about that day a lot
#42
Went to get my eyebrows waxed today and the lady said “lip too?”#43
"Are you okay? You seems a little off"I've been diagnosed with chronic depression and paranoia disorders for years and I thought I was doing a decent job hiding it from all my friends But apparently it wasnt good enough I guess.
#44
If my girlfriend at the time was my daughter. We're only 2 years different in age but I look old AF. I was only 22 lol...#45
"Why don't you ever go out?" Well, because I don't have anyone to go out with. Damn
Image credits: elflaco99
#46
'Why don't you ever talk, are you unsociable?' By a classmate when I was in high school. As someone with severe social phobia who was struggling to hide it at all costs and to be normal at the time, I died a little inside.#47
One day i said to my mom i was going out with friends and she asked, You have friends? ik it was a joke but damn.. i felt that so hard.#48
"Who do you want to list as your emergency contact?"At the dentist's office a few weeks after my mom died and four years after my dad died. I felt like bursting into tears because, at 22 years old, I really didn't know.
#49
My loving girlfriend ( I know backdoor brag) and I were watching a show that opens with a stoner dude playing video games; when his hardworking girlfriend pull up outside he scrambles to pretend like he wasn't being a lazy slob.My girlfriend off handled says "Oh, man just like us."
About a year ago I had been out of work for 6 months while she had a steady job, for the record I didn't get stoned and play video games--I was constantly applying for jobs and dealing with emotional fallout of having a dozen job interviews that fell through for various reasons.
It was just an innocent comment about the girlfriend getting home....but like damn.
#50
I once asked a lady I was meeting for coffee ‘what’s wrong?’ in regard to her prosthetic leg. I meant ‘what happened?’ We were getting to know each other so the question wasn’t off limits but the wording, fuck me, the word ‘wrong’ sent her off a little cliff. She kept crying and saying ‘there’s nothing WRONG with me!’ Then she asked me to call her a cab because she ‘wasn’t ready for all this PRESSURE!’ Her friend, who set us up, called apologizing next day, turns out her friend had issues and just wasn’t ready to date.#51
A friend looked at me and said 'I know we've talked about it before, but how did you break your nose?' I've never broken my nose this is just how it looks.
Image credits: HumpOnALog
#52
“I don’t mean these to be offensive, but like why do all the guys want you”#53
I dropped out of university a few months back because I wasn’t happy. I’ve since moved home and sometimes at work, people I haven’t seen in a while will approach me and ask how school is going. It was my decision to leave university but when people ask it about I can’t help but feel judged when I say I’ve dropped out.#54
My 5 year old cousin asked me where Grandpa was when we were getting ready to head to his funeral. Everyone went silent and we just kind of stared at each other until my dad managed to distract her.It was brutal.
#55
Went to the Doctor's for a regular check-up and they asked me if I went out with my friends and I simply replied most are married and in other cities and the rest are working in other cities (I am currently looking for a job) so when they come to visit we go out and catch up. To which she replied, "So, no friends?"That definitely hurt.
#56
“Are you okay?” Whenever I get this simple question I’ll realize I’m not okay at all#57
My 6 year-old little sister asked "what happened?" pointing at the self-harm scars on my legs#58
I’ve suffered with severe depression since I was 12 as well as numerous other emotional and physical health issues. One day I was explaining to my sister that I was in a lot of pain from a dental abscess so didn’t really want to eat anything at the posh sit down dinner my family were having for my grandad’s wake. She just looked at me and asked “how do you even cope with life?”I told her life just keeps happening and there’s no way to stop it so you learn to accept that. She just shrugged and walked away. It happened just over a month ago but it still stays with me
#59
"You're so great, why are you still single?"#60
After I had my first child in 2013, which was a still birth, we went out together to get some oil for my stomach, because it was recommended to me by my midwife. At the store a woman working there helped us find the right thing and we of course explained what we needed it for, not mentioning the fact, that our daughter died. We did not want to talk about it at the time and did not want to upset anyone.The woman then asked: „Where is the Baby?“, assuming probably that it was either at home with a grandma or maybe still at the hospital…
A perfectly valid question and I wasn‘t mad at her. We had our time to grief and I am a pragmatic and positiv thinking person, but that one question caught me off guard and my eyes teared up. My husband must have been either affected by the question as well or by my reaction, because he then said shakily that this was the wrong question to ask.
I cannot remember what happened next, I think the woman apologised and we told her it was ok. And it was ok. She couldn‘t have known. It was just so unexpected.
#61
My boyfriend saying that he is not attracted to me anymore.#62
“What you’re looking at?” Dude, I have strabismus…#63
My mum used to complain that my dad didn't take her to the theatre so one Christmas I decided to suprise her with tickets to the nutcracker for us with the little bit of money we had left from my husbands redundancy pay. On the way in the car I asked if she was surprised to which she replied "well I should have been at my Christmas work party but never mind". Honestly thought I was doing a nice thing and was upset over this remark but wanted to make the best out of it so I never said anything back. Later found out she was actually supposed to be seeing the man she was having an affair with while my dad was dying.#64
“How’s [my child] settling into kindergarten?”Suuuuuuch an innocent question.
Of course I’d say “oh, fine”, but the answer really was “It’s horrific. There have been numerous incidents, meltdowns, he’s been violent, been bullied, tried to run away from school, we’ve been called into school and had multiple meetings etc., and now he’s being assessed for autism. I feel like an awful mother, I’m struggling to feel any affection for him some days, I want to run away, my marriage is suffering as is my relationships with my other kids. I want to run away and hide and never come out again.”
Obviously not as awful as some of the other stories here, but that innocent question did crush me a little. We’re going ok now.
from Bored Panda https://bit.ly/3uoEKZd
via Boredpanda
