In a world governed by unattainable beauty standards, photo editing, plastic surgeries, flawless skin, timeless youth, perfect smiles and… the list is endless, appearance is something that it seems our society is wildly obsessed with.
A national survey from Allure found that the first thing 64% of people notice about someone is how attractive he or she is. And half of us—that's every other person—think appearance defines us significantly or completely. Now think of the professional careers, job interviews, dates, and overall success, and it clicks—the way we see beauty has indeed a very ugly side.
So when someone asked women on Reddit this uncomfortable question, “What are the lesser-known problems of being an unattractive woman?” the brutally honest and often sad responses started flowing in.
Below are some of the most revealing ones that should really make us all stop and reflect on why we judge others so much and how we can change that.
#1
People being rude to you, especially men. If they’re not attracted to you, then you don't deserve respect nor decency.
Image credits: dontbesuspecious1
#2
That no matter how often your significant other tells you that you’re beautiful, you constantly compare yourself to more attractive women and feel that you’ll never be enough.
Image credits: Warai-Kitten
#3
If a skinny, pretty girl dresses super casual with no effort, it’s cute and trendy, but if I do it I’m lazy and don’t care about my looks.
Image credits: loalenatrice
#4
People thinking that you don't have the right to like yourself or thinking that your confidence is 'brave.' F**k off.
Image credits: GettingThere1212
#5
Unsolicited weight loss/health advice (that is often wrong and does not consider my health at all) and unsolicited advice on how to be attractive to men.
Image credits: loalenatrice
#6
Being invisible next to your friends. They're all having fun, and you just sit there, and no one is talking to you
Image credits: khajiitidanceparty
#7
As a fat woman: not being able to go to 90% of my doctor's visits without my weight being brought up. I mean, that's fine in a checkup or physical, but if I go in because I have a sinus infection, I don't really feel the need to discuss how fat I am right at that moment unless it's somehow going to clear up my sinus infection.
Image credits: Electronic-Cow7250
#8
When I was fat, they would hit on my significant other right in front of me. When I’m slim, they look at him and immediately look at the floor and walk away.
Image credits: catniagara
#9
People constantly trying to fix me. My aunty asked me how I was going to get a man with a body like mine and my dressing style. Mind you, she is pushing 50 with no man, but OK.
Image credits: Forsaken-Vermicelli3
#10
Most men assumed that I was going to be easy — as in easy to have sex with — because they think I have no self-esteem and seek validation with sex.
Image credits: _Lilith_89
#11
Spending ages trying to dress up nicely only to go outside and realize that everyone else is still a million times more attractive than you.
Image credits: Ethereal-Glow
#12
When someone does genuinely find you attractive and you think it's a joke
Image credits: taco_h0e
#13
I hate when people comment or say, 'I wanna have your self-esteem/confidence!' as if it was a compliment. It isn't — they're just using other words to call the person ugly.
Image credits: tealgirl94
#14
That you should be grateful that any man wants to sleep with you and it’s selfish to think that you deserve to be in a relationship with respect. I’m apparently fine to sleep with but heaven forbid they take me outside the house and be seen with me even if they themselves aren’t conventionally attractive.
Image credits: bbbbbbb9999
#15
It’s a lot harder in the office. Women have a hard enough time rising to higher ranks or being taken seriously but it’s very annoying when the pretty women are taken more seriously. Heck same is true for men. Good looks win jobs
Image credits: Nancy2421
#16
People leaving you for your best friend when they realise she's prettier.No she hasn't ever gotten with them, but they've left with the intention of getting with her
Image credits: blopdab
#17
well as a chubby and “ugly” person, most often people think you are dumb and uninteresting and you have no right to date/like attractive people because they are out of your league. when I was a teen people would say straight to my face that I was ugly…they don’t say it anymore, but I can feel it…ahahah
Image credits: dallasdina
#18
Fewer job opportunities. Attractiveness plays a part in getting hired.
Image credits: marymoon77
#19
Oh, I'm excited for this one. I'm pretty attractive, I get hit on regularly - I'm attractive enough to appeal to a wide swathe of individuals, but not so attractive as to be intimidating.But I wasn't always, for five years I was fat because of medication. Last year, I got super toned and lost the weight when I went off the meds. I'm now training for competitive powerlifting.
I was cute before I gained the weight, but somehow, my thirties have been amazing - this weight loss left me with anime eyes and cut cheekbones, a look I've never had before.
I am treated better in every facet of my life and it has given me genuine body dysmorphia that I have been in therapy for.
Men offer me free things, they constantly hit on me; women ask for advice constantly, and all ANYONE wants to discuss is how I look, which is the least interesting fucking thing about me.
Pretty privilege and thin privilege are absolutely real, and the worst part is finding out that my biggest fear - that I was worth less to society when I weighed more - was absolutely fucking true.
Thanks, society, for the super awesome body dysmorphia you have now given me.
What's interesting is that I spent so many years in the shadows that I have zero interest in coming out of them anymore, but just like when I was fat, people think they have some sort of right to discuss my appearance blatantly.
It's disgusting, and all it does is show how incredibly undervalued women are for anything other than our looks.
#20
Empathy and sympathy. People want to comfort you when you're the cute, pretty crier, protect you. I rarely see ugly people being the face of depression or mental illness on social media.Not so much when you're ugly. It's kind of just awkward.
Image credits: PikaBooSquirrel
#21
Sometimes I feel bad for my partner, thinking he's embarrassed or could do better.
Image credits: Sensitiverock85
#22
Being called sir in shops. Not being able to contribute to the conversation when other women share stories of men hitting on them because it never happens
Image credits: vpetmad
#23
A guy telling me "He usually wasn't attracted to women like me" in other words fat girls.Seriously
Image credits: einahpetsg
#24
Guys lying saying you're obsessed with them just to get other girls to laugh and be like "eww really??"
Image credits: Krazygirl1234
#25
I was treated differently than my attractive friends. People were less helpful to me, left me out of everything (especially photos), and only wanted me around when it suited them.
Image credits: Ethereal-Glow
#26
That specific feeling when everyone gathers to take a group picture and hands the phone to me to take it. Ouch
Image credits: jupiterjazz87
#27
When I was fat, 99% of the rare attention I received was from dudes who clearly saw me this way. I was frequently fetishized.
Image credits: rizaroni
#28
I think growing up the “ugly duckling” can have bad effects on your mind and cause you to put up with bad behaviour from men. I legit thought I was ugly and unlovable and that I was lucky to have any guy interested, so I had a beggars mindset and put up with his terrible behaviour.It’s now that I realise that I had actually had a glow up and hadn’t realised. I look at old photos and see a beautiful young woman. I was just so stuck in my past that I couldn’t embrace myself or be confident.
Your perception of yourself really does determine how you let others treat you
#29
Being told to wear different clothes because they'd suit me better and to wear makeup because it brings out my best features.Yes that's true, but why should I put in that much effort when you're the one that cares, not me.
#30
Being 21 and knowing there is a big chance you have to live your life alone and never getting married.Lots of people gonna say nooo you find the right one eventually but then I always think of my teacher who looked like me and she was 50, never been married and living alone with two cats.
Image credits: daydreaming-g
#31
That it automatically means I don't take care of myself, that I don't care about how I look/what I eat/my health and so on. People who don't take care of themselves are often seen as unattractive (even though they probably have mental health issues) which then compounds how ugly you are seen to be.
Image credits: Otherwise-Status-Err
#32
I lost a lot of weight after getting married & you'd be surprised how many people have said to me "Awww, he loved you for what you were on the inside!" The implication of course being he didn't find me attractive before but for some reason pursued me anyway - girl, what?#33
People not wanting to be friends with you for being ugly. I'm the ugly one bro why are YOU mad about it?#34
People getting sickly sweet and telling you ' you're soooooo beautifullllll' when you simply ask them how something looks on you. The both of us know they're faking it.#35
I was ugly as a pre-teen and teenager, and whenever I said that some other woman was mean to me, I just got told “oh you are just jealous of them!”. Like, wtf, no?!It also felt like people were able to bully me as much as they wanted to and that my claims were untrue. Just because I was ugly doesn’t mean I was lying. Somehow ppl just trust attractive people more for some crazy reason.
These days I’m cute, but I don’t put much effort in. Sometimes people get annoyed at me for not “using my potential”. No, I don’t wanna spend 1h each morning applying makeup. Who do I wanna impress? I’m cute enough to not be treated like shit, and I have no desire to be hit on or looked at by every random dude. Let me just live my life ok?
#36
People, mostly men, telling me it’s “inspiring” that I don’t wear makeup. I’m not trying to make a statement or empower women, I literally just hate wearing it lol. It reminded me of how people would tell a fat woman who posted a bikini pic on social media that she’s inspiring or that they’re “proud of her”. Why can’t we just be told that we’re pretty or beautiful
Image credits: kaylintendo
#37
Its actually just really nice. I was attractive when I was younger and couldn’t even step out of the house without getting hit on.Its bloody lovely to walk the streets now and know nobody would want to touch me because they find it hard just to look at me hahaaaaa.
#38
Putting make-up on and suddenly getting all the compliments and attention you always wanted. It doesn't make me feel better it makes me feel like I have to be perfect to be given the same energy as others.#39
Totally different types of social interactions.When I'm all made up and beautiful what I usually get are sleasy comments and unsolicited chivalry (like a man would give me his place in a bathroom queue in a bar, but then he would come to my table and expect me to chat with him for it)
But when I'm wearing an old hoodie and no makeup, things go differently: people are more likely to be rude, like in the same bar the same man would cut me in the same bathroom line.
Both are equally bad, but they hit different places and I feel like it is the source of women misogyny. If everyone is always rude to you, you start to think that those beautiful girls get it so easy, and you lose track of how bad they can have it, and vice versa.
#40
Having to save your friends at bars from unwanted or awkward interactions with the many guys that flock to your attractive friends. Almost like a designated unattractive friend#41
If you complain about anything (valid) Ex.-getting shittier assignments at work
-not getting credit you deserve for assignment
-point out something unfair that was said to you by co-worker
you are met with...
'she's just jealous'
#42
Kindness. I am not overweight, I used to be, but I’ve been all over the board with weight. I think I am just an ugly woman. Men and women are not very kind to you if you are not pretty. They will treat you like you are invisible or not worth acknowledging. They will cut in line. They will give you the pity look.#43
If you're an ugly, unattractive, or (especially) overweight woman, expect to have to work harder to get a job, raise, or promotion. Even women discriminate against other women in favor of the more attractive candidate--even if the unattractive/overweight woman is cleary more qualified. Not all, but many. I've faced this many times.#44
The intense anxiety that arises during family events when it’s photo time. My cousins are all very beautiful and love posting to Instagram and all that. My family is big on photos. I’m the only one who isn’t photogenic at all. I have a lazy eye, and my face is just generally asymmetrical.
Image credits: angel_aight
#45
You can't get help. When you seriously need it for something regarding your work or life.But when people give you attention (without asking) you know something is up and they are trying to use you.
#46
Never getting out of minor traffic infractions. Always being the point of access from suitors wanting to date your attractive friends/siblings. Only getting invited to social events because your attractive friend was invited. Having to find new ways to accentuate your attractive qualities, such as intelligence, humor, domestic skills, talents, self sufficiency, etc as you can’t just look at us and find us attractive. This list goes on.#47
Having the office dress code unfairly enforced on you. There is a dress code at work. For years it was not enforced and everyone dressed casually until the new manager showed up. Suddenly I needed to wear shirts with a collar and she would”let me continue wearing jeans”. Everyone else could wear anything they wanted including, yoga pants, t shirts with graphics, jeggings, skin tight pants, cargo pants, cotton shirts that were not ironed, sneakers, etc.She had ever right to enforce the dress code, but not just on the fat employee.
#48
The way my body distributes and holds fat is basically the reverse of what would be accepted in today’s (american) beauty standards: top heavy, hold fat in my face. I hate getting my picture taken because it’s so easy to have a bad angle. My mom always does this thing where she insists on taking photos when I’m around (either by myself or with other family) and she will spend minutes directing me on how to hold my face and angle my head and to lessen my smile and open my eyes wider to try and improve the picture. I think she means well but it is very humiliating and I end up hating the picture anyway.#49
I’m short and fat. I’m what people call cute, which is annoying. I’m never the one people notice. I hate getting pictures taken because I am a lot bigger than I was 10 years ago. Barley have any friends, so that’s not a problem.#50
I've found that being ugly, or at least, perceiving yourself as ugly and not being at peace with it, can lead to heavily holding yourself back. You take fewer social risks, assume people dislike you, and just generally self-isolate. And with those who accept you for who you are, you feel that you have to be overly agreeable and funny to keep them around. Taking as little space as possible becomes the goal.The sad thing is, most of my ugly features are the result of poverty and untreated mental health issues from my childhood. I suspect this is the truth for a lot of people--money and adequate healthcare goes a long way. For a lot of people, appearance is a major class indicator. Of course, fatphobia, racism, sexism, and agism also come into play.
I know I'm below average, but I am much happier at times where I am simply indifferent to my looks. I think that studying art and human anatomy really helps, because you start to find a real appreciation for all the different kinds of faces and bodies in the world. The best people to draw are often very unusual looking!
It may also help that I'm on the asexual spectrum. Other people seem to care a LOT about attractiveness. I still often wonder if 'hotness' is just this weird fake concept that we've all agreed to pretend makes sense. Apparently, for most people, appearances can even make them faintly aroused, I guess? For them, I can only imagine that that adds a lot of weight to the importance of looks; arousal is pretty powerful stuff.
#51
Being overlooked and ignored.#52
Im not unattractive but I am not a sexy woman. Im 32 but i still look 18 so men dont take me seriously especially in the office, they assume I am not competent due to me being a petite girl meanwhile my co worker whose is a leggy beautiful woman gets all the attention. Sad reality#53
It’s not the fact that we want men to pay attention to us, that isn’t it. It’s that we are invisible when our more conventionally attractive friends are around. I can’t tell you how many times my hot friends and I have been out somewhere and I end up just wandering away because it feels SO awkward that these men are like, so afraid that I’ll take even a friendly introduction as “I’m interested in this ugly girl” that they will meet everyone, say hi, talk to them etc and just pretend I’m not standing there. Bro I’m not trying to get into your pants but it’s fucking weird when you pretend I’m a house plantAlexa, play “Lower Your Expectations” by Bo Burnham
#54
It impacts the way you allow yourself to feel pleasure - the way you feel about your body drastically impacts how good you allow yourself to feel through it. Whether it's dancing or sex, if you feel like your body being seen is shameful, it really hinders you from enjoying it fully.#55
I have a bit of a different answer to this. A lot of other comments have mentioned being treated worse by other people and being denied opportunities. While this is true, I've found that a lack of confidence has been far more damaging and made me self sabotage several times, which I'm sure would not have happened if I was conventionally attractive. I let my physical unattractiveness bleed into insecurities about literally everything else about me when I had no reason to.Yes, I had fewer people attracted to me romantically, but even at my heaviest and peak unattractiveness I did have really great guys interested in me. I sabotaged all of it and never ended up dating them because of my insecurities. Ditto for career opportunities, especially since in my field, people giving preference to good looking people isn't much of a thing thankfully.
For ages I was blaming my unattractiveness for my lack of a love life and it was a bitter pill to swallow when I finally realised it was my insecurities which held me back a lot more than unattractiveness.
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