One liners are one of the best forms of comedy. I wanna here yours!
#1
I, for one, like Roman numerals.#2
Welcome back to plastic surgery addicts anonymous. I’m seeing a lot of new faces, and let me just say I am very disappointed in all of you.#3
I don't respect you enough to care about your opinion of me.#4
Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.#5
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks, ‘Is this stool taken?’#6
i got arrested for downloading the whole wikipedia, i told them i could explain everything#7
A steak pun is a rare medium well done.#8
If your brains were tnt, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.#9
I always loved one from the TV Series Castle. "This guy's dropped more pills than a three-fingered pharmacist."#10
Everything is better in moderation, even moderation.#11
My friend said the onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.????????????#12
A theatrical performance about puns is a play on words#13
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.#14
I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 in Roman numerals.I M LIVID
#15
If brains were elastic, you would not have enough to make garters for a sparrow.#16
"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again." (Tim Vine)#17
When somebody tells me to have a nice day, I respond "That's the plan!"#18
He who laughs last thinks slowest.#19
Go brush your tooth...#20
Sometimes "all that glitters is gold" is really tinsel in a pile of dog cr@p.#21
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?#22
They were handing out brains, they thought they said grains and said no thank you.#23
I'm here to chew bubblegum and [do whatever I'm going to do], and I'm all out of bubblegum#24
....and a man accused of hiding himself under a layer of iron oxide has been placed under a rust.#25
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what she laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.#26
I dreamed I ate a five-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone.#27
hey girl, you don't just look good, you look lesBIEN (Im a lesbian,its not supposed to be mean)#28
A man accused of hiding himself inside a giant trifle is being held in custard.#29
Before using the toilet, know exactly where the tie to your bathrobe is.#30
“Do you know What?”“No, but Who is a good friend of mine.”
#31
Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says "Can you put me up for the night?"#32
A lady I work with kept complaining about how she always had a bad day when everyone else was having a good day. She said she was stuck in Murphy's law.I asked her if she knew what Cole's law was. She didn't. My response, "it's lightly sauced cabbage."
Everyone started screaming.
#33
From a book I read, can't remember which oneHe is one 'et' away from being an asset
#34
What did the hat say to the tie? "You hang around, I'll go on ahead."#35
“Don’t be lasagna”- 12th doctor (Doctor Who)#36
My circus, my monkeys. Stay outta my business.#37
I shot an arrow a low hanging clouds, mist.#38
I don't have a dog in this hunt.#39
Your incompetence is beginning to grow taxing...(I stole this from Underworld and have found it quite useful)#40
When I'm so tired that I'm on auto pilot... The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.#41
LET ME DRINK ABOUT IT!#42
The early bird may get the worm, but it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese#43
SOME PERSON: Do you want some corona?ANOTHER PERSON: *achoo* I already have some!!
#44
It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.#45
You couldn’t find your own ass with both hands.#46
Just recently in a chat room, someone asked if they made Coyote Off (like a repellant spray of some kind)I said, "Sure. You can get it at the same place as Bear Off or Moose Off. They even have one for wild rabbits. It's called Jack Off."
#47
Give yourself a break do it since a perfect house isn't going to help our tired bodies only the eyes? (an advice I give my friends and mum a lot)from Bored Panda https://bit.ly/3E1cMq3
via Boredpanda
