Relationships are a lot of work and both partners need to be putting in the effort to make it work. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out. And while many of us can keep guessing why our friends, seemingly ‘perfect’ couples, broke up, the fact is that we don’t have an inside view into their relationships. However, relationship experts can tell when a couple’s likely to break up, even if some behaviors have been normalized by society.
In an informative video, relationship and self-love coach Alex Scot goes into detail about the ‘Four Horsemen’ behaviors that are initial predictors of divorce and break-ups so that people learn to stay away from them.
These behaviors are: contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, and criticism. Check out Alex’s full video below and let us know what you think of her analysis in the comment section, dear Pandas. Which of the four behaviors have you had to deal with and which do you personally find to be the worst?
More info: TikTok | Instagram | YouTube | AlexScot.com
Alex explained what the ‘Four Horsemen’ of relationships are in a viral TikTok video
@thealexscot#relationshiptopics #relationshiplesson #toxicrelationshipgoals #toxiclovers #healthyrelationshipafteratoxicone #healthylovelife #relationshipdonts♬ original sound – Alex Scot
Relationship coach Alex based her video on The Gottman Institute’s research into what makes relationships more likely to fall apart.
These behaviors all make it more likely that the relationship will end
Image credits: thealexscot
Image credits: thealexscot
Alex shared some other great relationship tips and tricks in some of her other videos which you can watch in full right here
@thealexscot#fightfair #healthyfight #argument #relationshipargument #relationshipconflict #relationshipfightsbelike #relationshipfights♬ Calm LoFi song(882353) – S_R
@thealexscot#healthyrelationshipafteratoxicone #healthylovelife #partnership_goals #relationshipsgoal #lovelifegoal #healthylover #healthyrelationships2021♬ Lazy Sunday – Official Sound Studio
Image credits: thealexscot
The relationship coach also explained how some people can spread toxicity in their relationships without even realizing it
@thealexscot#toxiclovers #toxicorhealthy #toxicrelationshipchallenge #toxicrelationshipscheck #unhealthylove #unhealthyrelationships #relationshipchecheck♬ original sound – Alex Scot
Image credits: thealexscot
The biggest and baddest of the ‘Four Horsemen,’ contempt, is pretty much self-explanatory: it’s when you feel superior to your partner and you openly show this while talking to them. The Gottman Institute points out that those couples that are contemptuous of each other actually have weakened immune systems and are therefore more likely to suffer from infectious illnesses like colds and the flu.
Meanwhile, defensiveness is all about not being open-minded enough. Instead of hearing out your partner and being open to changing your beliefs, you always play devil’s advocate.
The third red flag is stonewalling aka shutting down completely aka the silent treatment, while the fourth and final ‘Horseman’ is criticism. The latter is fine if it’s a specific action or situation that you’re complaining about, however, it’s not all right to criticize your partner’s character as a whole.
For instance, being upset that your partner didn’t take out the trash (again, for the tenth time this month) and complaining about it is fine. But saying that they’re rotten to the core and lazy because they can’t even complete a simple chore would be an absolutely horrendous thing to do.
Relationship coach Alex aims to help millennial women “stop the crazy train of volatile relationships by healing past wounds and developing the skills necessary for healthy, stable, and enjoyable love.”
Here’s how some TikTok users reacted to relationship coach Alex’s informative video
The post Woman Lists What Behaviors In A Relationship Have Been Statistically Proven To Be The Initial Predictors Of Divorce first appeared on Bored Panda.
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