Sometimes, the things that you think are completely all right to say and do are far from okay. In fact, they might be so deep in creepy territory, it’s making people feel uncomfortable and even threatened.
A viral thread by redditor SuperElectronicGray inspired women to open up about all the things that men do that they think is perfectly fine but are actually very creepy. Most of these things are a symptom of toxic masculinity where men follow a very narrow, predetermined set of instructions about how males are “supposed to” behave. And it’s not good for anyone.
Have a read through the uncomfortable situations with men that these redditors have been through and be sure to check out Bored Panda’s interview with a psychotherapist about the potential dangers of toxic masculinity to society and to men themselves.
#1
Flirting with me in a position where I can't leave, like an Uber or taxi. Once I had an Uber driver flirt with me the entire ride late on a Friday night. I tried to stop responding, but he kept telling me how beautiful I am. Most times, when women aren't interested and you keep pushing it, we get scared we're gonna get assaulted or killed! It's terrifying.
Image credits: Armacdonald94
#2
Saying, 'If I was x years younger... I was 15 and manning the cash register at my dad's store when this guy told me I 'brought back memories' of the women he met while he served in Vietnam. And he kept looking me up and down with a slobbery look on his face.
Image credits: tarantulawarfare
#3
When they tell me to smile. It used to make me really uncomfortable, but now I just grin manically at them.
Image credits: Reddit
Psychotherapist Silva Neves explained to me in an interview that toxic masculinity poses a whole host of dangers both to men and to the people around them, specifically, to women. This is most commonly expressed through violence or the threat of violence.
“The main danger of toxic masculinity is that those men can be emotionally abusive and/or physically violent and sexually violent to women,” the expert told Bored Panda. However, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
#4
Restricting my movement in any way. Pinning me in a corner, holding my wrist down, blocking my escape, etc...
Image credits: Butdoesithavestars
#5
Asking if I live alone. If there's already an established friendship, fine. But if you're a stranger or just an acquaintance, that freaks me out.
Image credits: changingoftheseasons
#6
Messaging me late at night to tell me to 'go to bed.'
Image credits: niponew
“They can also be aggressive to gay people. They perpetuate toxic messages of masculinity so toxic masculinity is usually passed down to their children and peers maintaining the problems,” Silva said that toxic masculinity is a generational issue. Thus, we can’t expect any changes to happen overnight, but the sooner they start, the sooner society can start moving on a different, kinder and more peaceful, trajectory.
Meanwhile, according to psychotherapist Silva, the men who subscribe to the tenets of toxic masculinity can end up hurting themselves as well.
#7
Saying anything along the lines of 'you’re perfect' within minutes of meeting.
Image credits: YourTransJesus
#8
Stop telling me how 'big' things are for a woman. 'That's a big truck for a little girl,' or even once when I was at Subway, this condescending prick said, 'That's a big sandwich...'
Image credits: romanticia
#9
Since I got pregnant I've had more male friends think it's acceptable to call me a 'MILF,' especially at inappropriate times...like in front of my mom
Image credits: ey_peetay
“Toxic masculinity also harms the men themselves because repressing their own emotions so much can lead to mental health issues, depression, and even suicide,” he noted that the dangers are very real when men are unable to be vulnerable, open up to others, and ask for help. “Toxic masculinity harms everybody.”
#10
Saying, 'You're cute when you're angry.'
Image credits: naughtydismutase
#11
It has happened more than once where it came up in casual conversation that i don't wan't kids and some guy tries to change my mind as if it's any of his business
Image credits: Hunulven
#12
My wife had a boss that would come up behind the women and give them shoulder massages. Not cool, dude.
Image credits: BuckingFutters78
#13
Gay men who grope you and excuse it by saying, 'It's OK — I'm gay! I'm not attracted to women at all!' Keep your f**king hands to yourself, then!
Image credits: Ryanadjamila
#14
Catcalling. Like, WTF. In what world is someone gonna turn around and be appreciative instead of creeped the f**k out?
Image credits: flyerflew
#15
I am an elderly woman and it really really pisses me off when men that I don't know call me "Sweetie" or "Honey" or "Sweetheart." Dudes. Just don't. I am not your grandma with a dish of cookies for you.
Image credits: NoBSforGma
#16
Grabbing my wristsIt is a huge ultimate f**k no
Image credits: Pengauno
#17
That hassling you for a date because you don't have a bf is not okay.'But you don't have a bf...'
The point is dude, I'd rather be single than date you. Take the bloody hint.
Image credits: ukhoneybee
#18
When guys pick me up. I've always been really skinny, so guys think it's OK to just...lift me.
Image credits: DidntWantSleepAnyway
#19
Talking badly about their ex and their kids. I'm a single middle age woman. I don't know what's going on with some Men but a lot of them regret having kids and are mad about having to give money to their ex to raise them.I'm not talking about unreasonable amount of money but for exemple 100$ for 2 kids at the beginning of a school year. And of course their ex is crazy for asking for it. "She's the one who wanted kids.." Some have complained about having to spend time with them.
Why are they telling me this? We just met. It makes them seems so mean and cheap. If you don't want kids get a vasectomy.
Image credits: sonia72quebec
#20
'Daring' me to kiss my girlfriend in front of them to 'prove' I'm really a lesbian. Disgusting.
Image credits: ceresdaniela
#21
Asking, 'Where's my hug?'
Image credits: Scrappy_Larue
#22
I have a large tattoo on my shoulder, and I've had several men come up from behind and move my tank top strap and/or bra strap to see it better. In grocery stores and Lowe's of all places!
Image credits: ookaminaku
#23
Following women around continuing to try to talk to them when they've already made two attempts to end the conversation.A guy next to me on a plane wouldn't stop talking to me, even after I put on headphones! Then, he tried to walk me to my connecting flight after I refused to give him my phone number. He only finally left when I went to the women's restroom.
Image credits: metky
#24
“Why aren’t you married?” Asked randomly. I’m 34. My fiancé passed
Image credits: Missdanib
#25
If you keep going on about how much you respect women, you probably don't respect women.
Image credits: Lockshala
#26
DMsHey
Hey
Hey
I’m not interested
F**k you, you stupid bitch.
#27
I've got curly hair, and I'm sick of men thinking they can just come grab a coil of it and pull it like a slinky spring! Don't touch my hair, and don't call me moody when I tell you to stop!
Image credits: weemuree
#28
Block an exit while trying to start a conversation. Just.don't do it EVER.#29
Constantly pushing for a date after saying we aren’t interested. Like a high school boy having a crush and the girl saying “I just like you as a friend...” and they keep pushing like she’ll fall in love. Sorry that’s just a fairytale. Please stop after we say we don’t like you. No hard feelings! We just don’t want to date you.#30
Honking, yelling or any form of catcalling while I'm running or even just walking down the street.
Image credits: T7Ley
#31
hi i know my comment will get lost but if you are over 18 and i make it clear to you that i am underage, do not continue to talk to me. please.#32
When they walk behind you they either touch your lower back or give your shoulders a squeeze.Those things are only okay for my husband to do. No one else.
It isn’t cute or endearing. It’s extremely uncomfortable to deal with and makes women avoid you or cringe when you’re near.
#33
Putting their hands on your thigh or back casually while talking to you. If I’m being friendly it’s not a signal for you to touch me. Far too many co-workers, creepy uncles, etc. find this ok!
Image credits: LibraD_Va
#34
When I am walking down the sidewalk, follow me slowly in a car while trying to talk to me. I f**king hate this.
Image credits: terribleverything
#35
Demand I smile.#36
This will probably be buried but when guys hug you and push your upper back into them so your boobs press into their chest. The guys that super duper creep me out is when they push multiple times. And it’s usually the old guys that do this.Ugh! I know what you’re doing, jackass.
#37
I had a friend who for a while would always respond to my comments re: being a woman and sexually harassed or ogled at with the story of how he was such a good guy he saved a girl from being raped at a frat party.I'm not sure if the exact scenario is common but when guys hear women talking about sexual harassment or assault and launch into the reasons why they're not that guy...it just makes me even more uncomfortable because someone who isn't that guy shouldn't have to say it every time you talk about sexual harassment.
#38
So there was this guy who I went on a date with. Once, never again. We had drinks, dinner, walked a bit. It was great until the point where I had to goMe: well it was nice, hope we can get to do it again soon, but I have to get home.
Him: Let me walk you home...
Me: It’s ok, it’s not that far.
Him: No, no, I’ll walk you!
Back off, mate, I don’t want you to know my address
#39
Men in positions of power asking sexual questions or commenting on your body. I had one boss try to tell me if I did a certain work out it would help me lose some fat in my thighs and another casually ask me if I was quiet or a screamer. Yeah, that sh*t ain't cool.#40
Today I watched a guy in the hall basically jogging to keep up with a girl so he could hit on her. If you have to struggle to keep up just stop. She’s not interested.#41
FOLLOWING ME FOR ANY DISTANCE! I was once followed TWENTY BLOCKS by a man trying to basically get me to go home with him. Mind you, I had my HEADPHONES in to make it clear I wasn’t listening (although they were off, I just do it so most creeps don’t approach) but my goodness he didn’t let up. I never even looked at him the whole time he followed me. He didn’t leave till I finally spotted a police officer and started walking in that direction. I even asked to be left alone, had my pepper spray in hand visible.Just kept calling me gorgeous, and asking if my boyfriend treated me right. Could he give me his number in case my BF did something bad? All ignored.
PSA: it’s not ROMANTIC OR ATTRACTIVE to be STALKED any distance no matter how much tv or movies would lie and have you believe.
#42
I work with food. The countless times I’ve heard “What’s the favourite with the females?”Dude. I’m serving you fries. There is no gender divide. Stop making everything about that.
#43
Talk about their sex life or make sexual jokes to women they barely know. Mostly because it’s usually a first step towards more predatory actions.#44
If you’re not my father, don’t call me “sweetheart.” It’s creepy and condescending.#45
Another big one is when your catching public transport and there's lots of spare seats around but a guy decides he wants to sit next to you. Even worse is when they try and talk to you even when you have headphones on.#46
Unsolicited d*ck pics.“Smile!”
“Where’s my hug?”
“You’re too beautiful for all that makeup.”
Yelling anything at me from across the street.
Telling me I’m perfect during our first conversation - back off dude, you don’t know me.
#47
Taking common politeness as romantic interest#48
Doing something creepy, and then following up with, "You like that, don't you?" wtf#49
Pet names without consent. I even get messages on reddit calling me hun, honey, baby, babe, babygirl, sweetie, sweetheart...It feels so creepy and gross
#50
STOP WINKING. It’s weird af#51
Don't ask me for nudes within like...a week of meeting me and going on one date. The level of trust I'd have to have in order to share photos like that is phenomenal! And I may never ever want to anyway.How does a guy think it's just a casual thing to ask of me? It might be a turn on for you but it's highly risky and it makes me feel like I'm just there as a bit of titillation on his phone and not a real human being who he sees as equal and respected.
#52
“I like thick girls.” Especially as their introductory sentence on a dating site. Just gross.#53
Very blatantly leering at women in public or talking about them like achievements or decorations, calling us “females” but calling men “men”#54
Hi cutie :3 blushes#55
I don't have air in my car but it's so hot where I live so my windows are always down. When I come to a red light men try to talk to me from their vehicles and it makes me wildly uncomfortable because I obviously can't get away.
Image credits: PlantPrincess3337
#56
When strange men approach me and start asking personal questions like we’re on a first date.#57
My workplace is mostly men. There are 3 women and approximately 25 men. I used to bring in homemade baked goods a lot...pumpkin bread, brownies, cookies, smores bars and the like. I enjoy being in the kitchen. It's a nice gesture to share. One guy started drawing me borderline inappropriate Minnie Mouse drawings. Not done well. Traced images but with small changes like her bloomers too short. Weird to explain. I'm the exact opposite of a person you'd think would like anything Disney related, let alone sexy Minnie. He said he drew them to thank me for the treats. I stopped bringing in treats which resulted in everyone else questioning why I quit baking. Very awkward all around.#58
I've come across a few men who don't seem to understand that "I have a boyfriend" means I'm not single and I don't want to be pursued or flirted with.#59
Guys who try to assert their dominance by crushing your hand while shaking it. I have arthritis and it is excruciatingly painful.#60
I f**king HATE when a guy walks behind me if they’re trying to get by how they put their hand on my lower back. I don’t know you, please don’t touch me, it’s pretty simple. It happens all. The. Time.#61
When you get messages like "hi hun ??" in a business setting. I draw for a living and regularly get guys messaging me under the guise that they want to commission something, when it's really just an excuse to get closer to me.This will sound blunt and b*tchy, but I don't want you. I want your money. You commissioning, or not? Alright stop wasting my time, thank you!
#62
Touching my tattoos when they ask to see them. It's crazy how many don't understand personal space/boundaries. Just, why? I assure you, they're real.#63
Using my name on my credit card receipt at the gas station to look me up online and try to add me on various social media platforms shudder#64
What I get from all of this is:Actually tell someone if you're trying to pass them but keep your bloody hands to yourself.
Acknowledge their existence if caught at an intersection, but don't flirt or be rude.
Talk about things of interest or importance.
If she's not interested, accept it as fact and drop it. This is not to say disregard the relationship/friendship, just don't pressure for more.
Dick Pics are rarely okay. And even when requested should be met with healthy skepticism.
Do not assume physical contact within a relationship.
If you're making them uncomfortable, apologize.
Am I missing anything of importance? Please note these are things I've tried to do myself. Though I still struggle with self-confidence/esteem and always feel as though I'm being too clingy or creepy even when I'm actively trying not to be.
#65
Consistent pursuit.My senior year of high school, a junior guy kept pursuing me. We were in an algebra 2 class together and had after school practices for theater. This was my first year in any production. My goals that year were to try something new and maybe make some new friends. Enter "junior."
It started off as friendly conversations. Things we had in common. He was nice and funny, but not my type. There was no spark for me. He asked me out. I said no. He was polite about my rejection and I figured we'd be friends. About two months into the school year, he said that he was having a bunch of the cast over for a party that weekend. Sure. Who doesn't like a party.
When I got to his house it was just him, his family, and me. I thought I was early. No problem. I sat in the living room and we talked. Fifteen minutes later I texted a friend and told her to call me ASAP and fake an emergency because my gut felt off. By the time she calls: I've been there about 35 minutes, his mom is almost done cooking dinner, no one else has shown up, and his dad had made a passing remark about his son bringing "such a nice girl for dinner." That was the official red flag. I knew "junior" hadn't invited anyone else over.
I noped out of there saying my "sister" had locked herself out of the house and she needed my key.
I ignored him as much as I could after that. One word responses when he asked me things. Minimal interaction during class and practice. He asked me out three more times that year either oblivious or ignorant to my retraction. The last time was to prom and he knew I had started dating someone. He played it off as "oh no, i meant both of you come with me." Not a group mind you, just him. I had to drop out of theater that Spring due to a band conflict and it ended up being a blessing because it got me away from him. It's a tame example, but it still gives me the creeps when I remember him.
#66
"I know you said you're a lesbian, but I think you're cute and wanted to know if you'll give me a chance."Admittedly that has thankfully only happened to me online (and that is a politely worded version), but I have plenty of friends who have gotten it in real life too.
#67
Maybe it's just me but, asking if I live alone.Now if at this point of inquiry there was an already established friendship I suppose it's okay.
But if you are a stranger or an acquaintance that would freak me out.
#68
It's not most men at all but there was one man who acted super creepy and seemed to think it was fine.I worked with this guy back when I was 18. The two of us as well as some other coworkers would hang out all the time and I was generally friendly with the guy. Same sort of friendly as I'd use with anyone else but I guess it made him obsessed with me.
For about 5 years he would constantly message me telling me how amazing I am. He clearly seemed to think that was a good idea and it would make me feel good and I guess make me in to him? Or maybe he already thought I was in to him?
Point is if someone turns you down they probably aren't playing hard to get. Try once. If they turn you down and you suspect they're playing the stupid hard to get game then ask them directly. Don't pester them constantly for years. That is scary behavior.
And yes, I did block the guy eventually. Then he started making alternative accounts to add me with. That's where we are getting in to stalker territory though.
tl;dr// when someone says no you should back off, not turn in to a stalker
*some people are still coming in with confusion. Let me reword it: Someone messaging you daily about how beautiful you are is not a nice compliment. It's scary, especially after making it clear nothing's going to happen.
#69
When men I don’t know well at all do random favors for me without me asking. I know it can come from an innocent place, but I’ve had enough buildups to creepy behavior that started with small things, that I’m immediately suspicious.Example, (not terribly dark), a previous neighbor of mine who was around 45 (I was 25). We lived in a house split into apartments so we shared a yard. He would water my flowers, spread mulch onto my flowerbeds, clean my gutters, etc. without asking beforehand if I wanted or needed him to help, but he’d always tell me afterward he’d done it. (I was already kind of wary about what he expected from me, so I thanked him with a 6-pack, which seemed to disappoint him.) He also said numerous times that he worries about me living alone and he’d protect me if I ever had an intruder or anything. Which, okay, thanks?
I decided he was just a generous person. He introduced me to the other neighbors, and once in a while we’d all go out for a drink at the pub down the road, and he’d pay for everyone’s drinks, regardless of whose idea it was to go out. So I thought “Ok this is just how he is.”
And I thought that until I looked up from my couch around 11pm and he was standing in my flower bed staring through my window with his hands cupped around his eyes. He grinned and tapped on the glass like “Hey cmere let’s talk.”
So I went outside (I was waiting on a friend to come pick me up) to find him wearing what I think was a suit, swaying, very drunk, and he says “Let’s go out. Where do you want to go?” I was like hey, sorry, I’ve got plans with a friend tonight. So he interrogates me about what kind of friend (it was a guy), then out comes the list of all the things he’s done for me, how he’d never let anyone hurt me, how even though he’s old enough to be my father.......(then he kind of trailed off). I asked “Do you mean go out on a date?” Mumbles yeah kind of. I said I didn’t think of him that way, and that he was right, I kind of did put him in the category of people my father’s age. Then he got mad saying things like “Woooww, so that’s how you’re gonna be huh” and I was just so surprised and had no idea what to do so I just started apologizing.
My friend arrived with flawless timing.
#70
Hitting on a girl while she's on the clock#71
Something I have gotten at all of my customer service jobs (receptionist at a doctors office, front desk hotel, retail... etc) is older men who sidle up to the desk I’m working at and lean their elbow on it to “hang out and chat”. Most of the time the conversation starts with him saying something like: “Wow, if I knew the doctor hired girls as pretty as you, I’d have been a patient years ago!” (Or any variation of that depending on the place of work).This happens all the time. Whether or not I look cute that day. Whether or not I even AM cute. Whether or not I’m wearing my wedding ring. When I was 18 up to me being 25 today. Crusty old men always do this, sometimes in front of their wives. It’s lovely.
#72
Coming up behind me at a bar and putting their arm around the back of my chair or on my shoulders, and then proceeding to ask if I am married or seeing someone. Should be the other way around. Another one is trying to lock eyes from across the room. Just come over and say hi, don’t stare and wait for me to notice.#73
Calling me any name like sweetie, honey etc. I'm not your sweetie a-hole.#74
"you should smile more" or calling me smiley/grumpy/happy#75
Those dudes that are incapable of being just friends with a girl. I know so many cool dudes that I would love to have as friends but once you're not a viable dating/f**king option (for whatever reason) they just peace out. It makes me sad.#76
Telling me about your sh*tty childhood trauma as an icebreaker... I really dont want to know all that dude.#77
Giving WAY too many compliments right off the bat. Met a guy at a bar and stupidly gave him my number. Next day I get text after text saying things like "you're so nice" or "you're so pretty". Sir I am a goblin with a rude sense of humor and a loathing of showers. Don't pretend you know anything after a chance encounter#78
Stare at me. Like not glance at me or anything like that. But just stare, silently. Like, who told them that was ok#79
Today I was grabbing some chicken nuggets at a Wendy’s drive thru as a once in a blue moon treat, and the cashier says “damn girl, you’re pretty”. Here I am in my business suit and blazer like ........ thanks. Then he goes “are you a princess or something?” I say nothing. He hands me my food- ”Bye, pretty girl, hope I see you again!” I know that to the outside observer, that seems innocent, but if I’m trapped waiting in my car I don’t want to have to respond to your flirting. Don’t flirt with women who are unable to leave. And it makes me very uncomfortable to be called a “pretty girl” and “princess” when I’m clearly an adult woman in formal business attire. Feels like I’m not being respected. I’m a woman not a girl damn it!#80
I guess I don't necessarily know if men think this is okay, but I work at a grocery store that is known nationwide for their exceptionally friendly/helpful employees, and I regularly have men take advantage of this by going down their entire shopping list (usually clearly written by their wife) asking me to guide them to each item because it gives them an excuse to keep talking to me.I know what you are doing. Stop it. It is entirely unfair to use my job's professionalism expectations to your advantage so you can hit on me.
#81
At my work, we ask phone numbers for our "club" and countless times I've been asked if I will personally call them, the answer is no... Then, "what's your number?" My reply, "I don't have a phone"Or "Oh you want my number? Where are we going tonight?!"
And a creepy older guy like 70's.... "Well what's your number sweetheart?" Me..."Um no..no..no"
Him,"Well I'm not gonna stop asking until there's a ring on this finger (tapping my left ring finger)... I yanked my hand away so fast and I was new at the job so I didn't want to make a scene and just said "have a great day!"
#82
F**k society or movies or whatever it is that tells you "Fail at once try again" or "never give up on what you want."If you pursue a woman and she is not interested in you, take your loss and leave her alone. We are human beings not achievements to unlock in a video game. If we were interested in you we would have had said yes initially. If you keep pestering us we are just going to think you are not dateable AND annoying.
#83
I once repeatedly told a guy I had zero interest in dating and was 100% devoted to celibacy for religious reasons and he kept trying to find out my full name, and when I called him out on it, he said "that's okay, because it'll be [his last name] one day." This was literally in the first and only conversation (online) we'd ever had. I don't do online chat anymore.Guys, dont play that confidence game. Just be you. I swear, that over-confidence-to-make-up-for-perceived-deficiencies thing is CREEPY AS F*CK.
#84
When I don't want to talk/go on a date/accept a drink/give them my number/etc., and they try to negotiate, coerce or rationalize me into saying yes. If I say "thanks, but I'm not interested," it does NOT mean that I'm "playing hard to get." If a woman doesn't respond positively to flirting, back off. "Playing hard to get" isn't a thing outside of 1950s movies.Showing me porn or random photos of hot women to... put me in the mood to go out with them, I guess? I don't even know why men think this is a good icebreaker, but it's happened to me and to my friends on multiple occasions so it seems to be A Thing. Men, why? Am I supposed to be flattered that you collect porn of girls who look vaguely like me?
Don't believe movies. A big dramatic confession of TRUE LOVE to a girl you've never even been on a date with isn't romantic... it's awkward at best and terrifying at worst.
#85
Random people online friending you just because you have a girly name just to say "hi, are you boy or girl" then asking for your snapchat or Instagram to see what you look like#86
"this 'random thing' makes me so hard"A: did I ask about your d*ck B: y'all get boners from waking up, that isn't a compliment C: stop making this about your d*ck
#87
Bringing up sex in the first hour of conversation. Dude, I probably don’t even remember your name, don’t ask me about my favorite position or when the last time I had sex was.#88
Standing randomly close to us for no reason.My best friend and I were fishing the other day and some guy stood half way down the path to the lake ( which only went to our area, there's a path around the lake he stepped off of) for like ten minutes just smiling and looking like a potential serial killer.
I'm not good at being quiet and polite when I'm uncomfortable so I finally told him "hey, your kinda creeping us out here. We don't know you and you are blocking the only exit. Can you move on?". He smiled his serial killer smile and stood for another minute and when I started to grab my phone he finally moved on. Mucho creepo.
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