Everyone in this world has different struggles they have to deal with. Some with life problems, some with mental or health issues. That’s why it’s very important not to judge other people when you only see a glimpse of their life. There could be a million reasons to explain why someone is not feeling well or is a bit grumpy. Your judgment will not help. However, kindness goes a long way.
That exactly what Natalie, a mother of an autistic boy named Rudy, experienced from a total stranger recently. Kindness. Rudy was feeling overwhelmed by his senses and started to cause a fuss, when a runner came up to the family and started talking with Rudy, even lying down on the pavement with him. The runner named Ian helped deescalate a situation that might have taken hours to take care of. Instead of judging Natalie, Ian helped her and Rudy out.
The mother told Bored Panda: “I took my son for a little walk along our local seafront. He loves the walk, but due to sensory issues, he struggles to turn around and walk in the other direction. He was starting to find things difficult and was shouting loudly and trying to not hold my hand. We received some tuts and stares—we’re used to this, so carried on—and then things just became too much and my son slumped to the floor. A few runners came past and then this particular runner stopped and said, hi, and asked me if my son was having a tantrum, I just said yes and with that he started to chat to my son, asking his name, etc. At this point I explained that my son would probably not understand as he is autistic with other special needs. At this point the runner dropped to the floor, laid opposite my son, and started just chatting. My son loves this type of interaction so then he stood up and put his hand out to hold Ian the runner’s hand. Ian and I chatted for a bit and then he offered to walk us back to the car”
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This is little Rudy and he is autistic
Image credits: bettertobedifferent
Rudy and his mother Natalie were going for a walk, when Rudy started to feel overwhelmed with the senses around him
Image credits: bettertobedifferent
Rudy started shouting and making a fuss when this runner walked up to them
Image credits: bettertobedifferent
Natalie wrote underneath her Facebook post: “This Man, A Total Stranger
This man, a total stranger, saved me today from either a meltdown lasting up to an hour or more, or the alternative, which is usually a bit of a beating from my boy who totally loses himself when he has a meltdown and can become very aggressive.
This man, a total stranger, took time out of his day to just chat and ask if I was ok.
This man, a total stranger, was my hero this morning and after laying with Roo, then walked Rudy and me all the way back to our car.
I wish there were more of this man around and I am beyond thankful.
Only minutes before, Rudy and I were being tutted at, stared at, and frowned at by a woman and a man with a 2-year-old in a pram trying to sleep despite me apologizing for my son’s loud noises, hence the walk along the seafront so I can let him express himself outdoors. Short from gagging him, I’m not sure of an alternative.
My son loves to walk, but he hates to turn around and walk back. We usually try to walk in a circuit to avoid this but on his favorite walk with the boats, we have no choice but to turn back. This will often lead to a meltdown, one which I can normally handle, but on the back of 2 weeks out of school, today was too much for him and me.”
The man named Ian asked the mother what was going on and then proceeded to lay down with Rudy and have a little chat
Image credits: bettertobedifferent
“This man, my hero, this morning saw my son on the floor and like any other person would assume that he was having a tantrum, he asked my little Roo what his name was, and when I explained he didn’t really understand and that he is autistic and has a host of other challenges making this part of the walk difficult, he said, that’s cool, I’ll lay down with him.
He then proceeded to chat with us whilst walking back to the car. I am so thankful for this chap Ian, I will not forget his kindness.
It’s said a lot at the moment: ‘in a world where you can be anything, be kind.’ Words are easy, these actions are not always so easy. This man is living the words and I couldn’t be more grateful.
If you see a parent struggling, maybe take the time to say, ‘are you ok?’ Don’t judge the parenting, try not to judge the child, just be kind. We’re all walking our own path and navigating the journey the best we can, sometimes it takes a moment of kindness from a complete stranger to completely change your day.
Thanks, Ian from Southend Sea Front, you truly are a kind man…”
Rudy really liked how Ian talked and interacted with him. Ian helped the mother avoid an hour-long struggle and deflated the situation quickly
Image credits: bettertobedifferent
Image credits: bettertobedifferent
Natalie told us how Rudy is feeling right now: “Rudy is largely unable to express his feelings verbally, his communication is very limited so we have to work with him in other ways than verbal communication. Rudy on the whole is an incredibly happy boy and just celebrated his 6th birthday, he had a wonderful day with a visit from his favorite character Olaf from Frozen.”Natalie told us if she’s ever experienced such kindness from a stranger before: “I have not, which was one of the reasons I was so surprised by his actions. It is a method I have used with Rudy before, getting down to his level and copying him makes him feel safe and can bring him out of his meltdown. Ian did this so instinctively, I was utterly shocked and said, can I take a picture.” Natalie said she was expecting Ian to say something negative: “In the past, people have told me to control my child or keep him quiet so I was half expecting him to say something negative.”
Natalie and Rudy usually get a lot of stares and disapproving glares from people when Rudy isn’t feeling well
Image credits: bettertobedifferent
Natalie tells us what it’s like to live with a child with autism: “That’s a tough question as it’s impossible to sum up in a couple of sentences. The highs are so high but the lows are low. Rudy’s behavior can be incredibly challenging. He has the most beautiful nature but the world is just all upside down for him so when he gets overwhelmed, he can display quite aggressive behavior. He doesn’t mean it, there is no intent, he just gets lost and needs love, support, and understanding to help him. He goes to an amazing special needs school and they are fabulous at teaching him how to self-regulate and we follow this at home. We use visuals to support his learning and understanding, we have visual timetables for his routines, morning and night. Weekends and school holidays are the most challenging, life can be pretty lonely as we can’t take him to different places as easily as we could another child. Everything has to be planned so our spontaneity has completely gone. This can have a knock-on effect on our other children, but we are so lucky that they just adore their little brother and understand that often his needs have to take priority, they adore him and help us so much. Every tiny milestone is celebrated in style. The other day he walked in and said, ‘Mummy, foot ouchie.’ I couldn’t believe it and was just so excited that he was able to tell me he had hurt his foot. We have fewer friends as a lot of people find it difficult, so it’s easier, perhaps, to detach themselves. My husband and I do not get much time together to have fun or relax, leaving Rudy with anyone has to be thought out, we have to consider how this will affect him but also the effect this may have on those caring for him. Life is tough but so rewarding, my son has taught me so much and I will be forever thankful to him for making me a better person.”
Image credits: bettertobedifferent
Natalie shared what reactions they get when Rudy makes a fuss: “When Rudy becomes overwhelmed, he will at first start to become quite loud, this is when often people will tell us to keep him quiet or just tut and stare. If he becomes more overwhelmed, he may start to hit or kick out, it’s similar to a fight or flight situation, he feels unsafe. This will lead to people assuming he is a naughty boy, we have been told that children like ours shouldn’t be allowed out, we have been told to control our child, it got so bad at some points that we just stopped going out. It is heartbreaking, here is a little boy, completely overwhelmed by life because his brain works differently, what he needs is love, support, and safety but what he gets is criticism, nasty comments, and cruelty.”
The kindness of a stranger was very welcome and refreshing
Image credits: bettertobedifferent
“I would love to live in a world where no one judges anyone, I would love to live in an inclusive world where everyone’s needs are considered, but I know this is not likely to happen, we all judge, and our world is a long way from being inclusive. I would like people to think first before making assumptions, ask questions, show support, smile, be kind above all else and just know that parent is doing their very best in that situation. I would like people to understand that if you are fortunate enough to meet an autistic person then you have met just one autistic person. Autistic people are all different, both my son and my older daughter are autistic and they are like chalk and cheese, there is this common misconception that all autistic people are the same, it’s simply not true.”
“In a world where you can be anything, be kind. This man is living the words and I couldn’t be more grateful”
Image credits: bettertobedifferent
Natalie shares some advice for parents raising kids with autism: “The advice I would give to parents or carers of newly diagnosed autistic children would be to know that it does get better. Your child’s behavior may become more challenging, but allow yourself to learn and be open to the teachings your children will give you because I can honestly now say that through allowing my child to teach me a different way of parenting, he has also taught me to be a better human being. I am more patient, tolerant, understanding, and far less judgemental than I used to be, and for that, I like myself so much more. My son now has a mum who has the strength to help him manage his struggles every day. I would also say allow yourself to come to terms with the feelings around your child’s diagnosis, this is often life-changing and that will bring with it a truckload of feelings and it’s important to be kind to yourself, accept the feelings, accept that life may not be what you planned but if you give yourself the time to understand that, then you will have a life that, although different, will be just as rewarding and fulfilling, if not more. In many cases you are your child’s only voice, be their biggest advocate and their loudest supporter.”
Image credits: bettertobedifferent
Natalie tells us more about herself and her journey: “I am a 44-year-old mum of 4 children, 2 are stepchildren from my husband’s previous marriage, then my daughter Eden who is 14 and also autistic is from my previous marriage and our little whirlwind Rudy is from my marriage with my fabulous husband Nigel. I am a counselor and coach by trade and I work a lot now with parents who have special needs in their life. I also work with older teenagers who may be new to diagnosis and are finding their way in life. My previous marriage ended when I was pregnant with my daughter 15 years ago. I brought her up on my own until she was 7, then I met my husband and we had Rudy after a couple of years of being together. I feel that I have finally found my purpose in life, to support and advocate for neurodiversity and inclusiveness, to remind all not to be judgemental, and above all, to be kind to one another. Life is tough enough and for many, hard, depending on their journey. If we could all just not judge and be a little kinder to one another, life would be a little easier to manage. I feel so blessed to have my amazing family, and although there are some really tough times, I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was tough, the good times make it all worthwhile.”
Image credits: bettertobedifferent
“I have a Facebook and Instagram page called Better to be Different where I share my journey. It is a very honest page blogging about the highs and lows of our life. We have had many readers say how nice it is to not feel so alone, so please follow us so we can continue to raise awareness. I aim to not only support the SEN community, but more importantly, to raise awareness to those that do not have SEN in their lives so they can support and understand better what it is like for SEN families. As a result of this page’s success, I started a private Facebook group just for parents and carers of special educational needs and neurodiversity, which is called ‘Better to be Different Group.’ This is a non-judgemental private group where parents and carers can find support, advice or just an ear to listen to their needs.”
“We’re all walking our own path and navigating the journey the best we can, sometimes it takes a moment of kindness from a complete stranger to completely change your day”
Image credits: bettertobedifferent
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