The US is the only OECD country without a national statutory paid maternity, paternity, or parental leave. The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) enables some employees to take up to 12 weeks unpaid maternity leave, but only 60% of workers are eligible.
As a result, many new parents in the US are forced to “suck it all up” and come back to work while not even close to being ready to do so. And nothing shows the lack of the parental leave policy as well as these real stories from people who experienced it firsthand.
From moms bursting into tears on their first day back to work to a parent who had to work two weeks after losing their son, these sound like things you’d hear from a horror movie. Even more horrifyingly, for many Americans, this is all too real.
#1
I had to go without a vacation or any time off for more than two years in order to accrue the measly seven weeks I had. I couldn't afford to be without a pay check, so I went back the day after my PTO (paid time off) ran out. It was awful. My milk supply was still regulating, no one was sleeping through the night, and within a couple weeks, I was hit with serious postpartum depression. This country can afford the paid leave. We are literally the effing worst for not providing it
Image credits: nleninsky918
#2
I had our preemie daughter at 29 weeks pregnant, while on a work trip. She was in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) for 63 days. After being discharged on Wednesday and driving home two states away, I had to be at work the following Monday. I had four days at home with her and then had to split my time between a preemie and my job.
Image credits: emilykwatkins9
#3
I had to return to work two weeks after losing my son at 25.5 weeks pregnant — I had given birth to an angel naturally and vaginally. While it was considered a vaginal birth, since I did not give birth to a living child, I was expected to return as soon as possible.I am a 911 dispatcher, and in my first month back I took four phone calls for SIDS deaths from moms or dads. I almost didn’t stick with my dream job because I didn’t have the time to grieve and then took several very traumatic and relatable calls
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#4
I was a single parent and could only afford to take four weeks off after the birth of my oldest son. I hated it. All I wanted was to spend time with my baby and bond with him, but I had to go right back to the grind because I didn’t qualify for any paid leave at all.
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#5
I had to go back to work after four weeks because I couldn’t afford not to. I used up all my PTO for two of the weeks I stayed home and the other two were unpaid. Walking by the receptionist that first day back, she goes, 'Wait you're back? Didn’t you JUST have a baby?' I immediately burst into tears right in front of her. I then was basically crying the entire day from missing my baby so much and feeling incredibly guilty being away from him. It was the worst.
Image credits: emilyvd
#6
I had six weeks paid which was great because I knew so many people that didn’t even get that. I worked five minutes away from my house and was set up for success when it came to being a working mom. But the six weeks off flew by so quickly and my postpartum anxiety got the better of me to the point that I would scream at my mom who was watching my child just for driving with her without my permission. I was not okay enough to start working but I couldn’t recognize it.
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#7
I hadn’t been at my job long enough to qualify for FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act) so they didn’t have to keep my position open. They didn’t, which meant I was applying and interviewing for jobs while seven-to-eight months pregnant. I even went to an interview a few days after leaving the hospital (post C-section, mind you).I started a new job three weeks after having my daughter. I hadn’t even been medically cleared. Luckily, my husband was able to take FMLA to be home at that time. It was awful and played havoc with my emotions, but it is what we had to do
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#8
We adopted, which was very expensive, so our financial situation was already pretty bad. I took the standard 12 week leave, but because it was near the beginning of the year I didn't have a lot of PTO saved up (it expires every year), and I only qualified for six weeks of maternity pay, which is 50% of your salary. So I got paid 50% of my salary for six weeks and then nothing at all.""I was actually fortunate to get anything at all, because prior to the year my son was born, the company's maternity pay policy did not cover adopted children. I remember the night before I was going back to work I rocked my son to sleep and just cried and cried because I didn't want to leave him
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#9
Had 12 weeks: six paid, six at 67% of my pay. Now I go back Monday to a place where I have to stay late to make up the time I use to pump breast milk to feed my baby.
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#10
I gave birth on a Friday. By Monday morning, my husband’s boss wanted him back in the office. That was the end of his paternity leave.
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#11
I took five and half months off, but none of it was at my full salary, or even close. it was very hard to make ends meet, and I ended up racking up a bunch of credit card debt. My husband had to Uber on the weekends to help make up the extra money we needed to pay the hospital bills plus the new costs of having a newborn
Image credits: jxz7920
#12
I was teaching and was given 6 weeks off. You only get enough time to physically heal and it’s unpaid. I ended up taking an extra two weeks off with my vacation days because I couldn’t believe it was time to go back already. My paycheck was so small for so long because they deduct every day you were gone
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#13
My boss never worked out a plan as to what would happen when I had my daughter. She came a week early and I had to follow up with him to see what the deal was. I went back six weeks later because he sold the company and didn't tell us.Luckily, because of the pandemic I told him I needed to work from home to watch my baby. The U.S really needs to catch up
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#14
My husband had to go into work the day after we came home from the hospital with our son. Outside of time in the hospital, he had one and a half days off.
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#15
I was working as a middle school teacher at the time of my second pregnancy. I was told to go on bed rest about five months in due to health reasons. However, my boss told me all of my time off would be unpaid (as the school was small and not covered by FMLA). I literally forced myself to work up until I physically couldn't anymore at about seven months pregnant. I went back to work when my baby was less than eight weeks old because I just couldn't afford to go unpaid any longer. Two years later and I am still repaying debt obtained during that time just trying to keep bills paid and food on the table
Image credits: deartoxichoney
#16
For the last two babies, my husband and I owned a cleaning business and we got zero time off. My husband had a huge job the day I was giving birth to my youngest and had to split time between the job and the hospital. There was no other option. I was back at work about 10 days after I had my last two kids. I'd wear them as I cleaned because either we worked, or we lost our jobs.
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#17
Thirty days. I could use up vacation and a little bit of disability but otherwise it was unpaid. My husband had just finished grad school and was actively looking for a job, so I had to go back. It was too soon emotionally. I sobbed the first day, every morning, every couple hours when I had to pump, etc.My girl wanted nothing to do with the bottle, so my husband would drive to my work during lunch so that I could breastfeed. We lived like this for three months and it was exhausting. I'm grateful that my job was understanding and let me have the time and privacy to pump or breastfeed...but I honestly felt like I got nothing done
Image credits: jasminenguyenjohnson
#18
My husband got one day of paternity leave. It happened to be his one day off that week. Then he went back to working 12-14 hour days.It was my first baby and I was completely alone. No friends or family helped, visited, or even called. It was extremely traumatic. I had stitches and was in a diaper, I had this newborn I had no idea what to do with, and I was completely alone. It was horrible and so unnecessary
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#19
I'm a waitress. I get 6 weeks unpaid that they are required to hold my position. No pay, no fmla, no promise of getting the same shifts I had before. I've worked there for 5 years.
Image credits: [deleted]
#20
I don't have a problem exhausting my sick/vacation leave. I've been saving it for seven years now for this (I'll have ~59 days when the kid arrives.)I managed to time things perfectly (TOTALLY didn't expect this, but it worked out) so that right after I come back, my PTO resets (it's doled out twice a year in flat amounts rather than accrued per pay period.) So at least I'll have five days of PTO available in the first six months after I go back... not much, but at least it's something.
I do resent that, as a teacher, I have to pay my substitute out of my PTO. IMO that's [friggin] ridiculous. If I hadn't saved up any leave and had to go on unpaid leave, my district would be on the hook for my sub's pay, but since I was responsible... NOPE.
Seriously, are there any other professions where you're required to pay your replacement out of your leave? It makes NO EFFING SENSE.
I TOTALLY agree about our need for paid leave in this country
Image credits: wehappy3
#21
I write to my Congressmen every year about how unacceptable it is that America still doesn't have paid family and sick leave. I've gotten an actual answer once : Washington state even has paid family leave in state law, but the state votes year after year to not fund it.I got paid maternity leave because I was in the military. It baffles me that we can make it work in the Armed forces, but we can't make it work in the private or public sector.
Image credits: Sludgeycore
#22
Company policy was six weeks unpaid. I even had vacation time I had saved up that my boss refused to let me use. I ended up going back to work after four weeks (when my baby was three weeks old) because I couldn't afford to miss any more work.It sucked.
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#23
I had to use all my PTO before I could get partial pay for the rest of my 12 weeks. Mind you, my PTO cap was 100 hours (which in the US is considered 'great' leave).Afterward I had to put my baby in daycare where she, of course, got sick a few times during my first couple months back. Any time I took a day off or worked from home to be with my sick baby, I had a coworker who would tell everyone how I 'didn’t take my job seriously anymore' and that I was 'lying to get more free time off.'
Image credits: maemaeby
#24
I had a very positive experience so kudos to my employer (Bank of America). They currently offer 16 weeks of PAID leave plus the option to take an additional 10 weeks of unpaid leave. My first two pregnancies I took the 16 weeks then with the third/last baby we saved up like crazy and I took all 26 weeks off.I feel awful every time I talk to other parents and learn other companies do so poorly. Support your employees and their families and they will remain loyal to you!
Image credits: melisaperezp
#25
I went back after only 4 weeks. I coped by crying really hard in the bathroom at work and the comfort of knowing she was with my mom and grandmother.
Image credits: Heatherette
#26
Honestly, I'm one of the fewer, luckier American moms. I work for a small-mediumish sized company. I hadn't been working there for over a year so I didn't qualify for FMLA. When I found out I was pregnant, they let me switch to working from home full-time, indefinitely. I honestly thought I'd have to take unpaid leave for maternity leave but they let me know that they're going to give me five weeks off, 100% fully-paid. And that when I started working again that I had the option to work part-time (paid hourly. Basically what my monthly salary was broken down) and slowly working back to full-time (then getting switched back to salary again). I was basically working part time for the first 4-5 months. I have been back full-time now for almost 8 months. Still working from home. Still kicking ass at my job. I go into the office for a few days every few months. It helps tremendously that I have such supportive co-workers and understanding bosses.
Image credits: Donut_Belong_Here
#27
I worked for a small business and the first to get pregnant and continue working so they didn't really know what to do/offer me. I was offered 2 weeks paid leave - I split it into 4 weeks at half pay to stretch out the money. I also didn't have to start my leave until the day I went into labor. I ended up working from home after 3 weeks. I went back to work at 4 weeks but my husband and I worked opposite shifts and one of us was home with our son until he was a year and a half old - so I was really only working about 20-25hrs instead of a full 40.I was supposed to have a natural birth at a birth center but I was a week overdue and had low amniotic fluid so I was sent to a hospital. After 8hrs of waiting for baby after they broke (the rest of) my water I was induced, 11hrs of pitocin and contractions baby finally came. We had to stay in the hospital 3 days because baby wouldn't pee.
The birth ended up costing $4k for baby and $2k for me after insurance paid out about half on each as well.
Image credits: asxestolemystash
#28
I had no paid leave - my employer wasn't required to give me unpaid leave either. I went back to work two weeks after my first was born because we really needed money; with my second, I went back at three months. I didn't work for long either time though, it was easier and more money to have my husband pick up more shifts (restaurant work) and have me stay home. Childcare costs as much or more than I make, so that option was off the table. My first cost mW about $12,000 after insurance covered what it would. For reference, that's about half our yearly income. At our current repayment rate, the debt will be paid in about 35 years.
Image credits: [deleted]
#29
I actually accepted my new job on the day I conceived. Awesome new job with a HUGE pay increase. Obviously, I didn't know I was pregnant until two weeks later. Heart attack time when I realized that what that means is... I will not have been working at my job for a full 12 months when this baby is born. So unfortunately, I am not eligible for FMLA benefits under federal law (which allows for 12 weeks unpaid maternity leave). "Luckily" I live in MA which has it's own maternity leave policy that will allow me 8 weeks unpaid after only 3 months of employment. This was also granted to fathers as of this year. So basically I'm hoping to have 2 months off to have my baby... then my partner will maybe take his 2 months. Working on a stay-at-home-dad plan. The only saving grace is my job really encourages work-from-home. So my fingers are crossed everything works out great in six months.
Image credits: halfcream
#30
It does suck so much! I worked a hairstylist when I was pregnant and worked up to the day before I delivered(I delivered on my exact due date so I was 40 weeks and working 40 hours a week on my feet). Then I only got 6 weeks off(none of it paid) and my husband could only take 3 days off(also unpaid since he’s a contractor). I could hardly function when I went back to work, my daughter wasn’t sleeping more then 2 hours at a time and I was breastfeeding(which I gave up after the second week of working because it was way to hard to pump at work). I made it 3 months working before I quit working for good(this was almost 2 and half years ago). Honestly if I would have gotten at least 6 months off work, I’d probably be working now since I could have had some time to recover! Luckily we can afford for me to stay home currently and I was considering going back to work but I’m trying for number 2 so why even bother because I’ll just end up quitting again!! Good luck to you and I hope it goes ok going back to work.
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#31
I got very, very lucky. I quit my job and didn't return to work.The father of my kids works in one of those rare industries where the pay is great, the schedule is flexible, and the benefits are almost comically good. (At least, they were before The Great Recession.)
He had something like eight weeks of paid parental leave, plus accrued vacation time. (He hadn't worked there a full 12 months, yet, but no one said a thing!)
Medically, things went very wrong, and I ended up spending weeks on bed rest (had I still been working, I would have used up my maternity leave before my due date!), and then I had an infant who was not healthy enough to go to daycare. If I had needed to go back to work, either my mother would have had to move across the country to be with us, or we would've had to hire a full-time nanny/nurse.
This was all before the ACA, and we had one of those "Cadillac Plans." I can't even imagine how much we would have spent on co-pays if our plan hadn't covered everything 100%. I used to look at all those Statements of Benefits just to see what our health insurance was paying out, but I stopped after we hit the $500,000 mark. I have no idea what the grand total was for the pregnancy and first year, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was over $1 million.
#32
Just want to add perspective because there is a wide variety of experiences in the US.With my first pregnancy I was freelance so I had no official maternity leave but being freelance in tech pays pretty well so I had saved up money so I could take 3 months off. I believe after insurance we ended up paying about $7000 for my c section.
I'm pregnant now and have an employee job at a big tech company. I will get 30 days of pre maternity leave and 16 weeks of paid post birth leave. I'm very lucky. I also expect insurance will cover most all of the birth.
#33
I had to quit my job and doing the SAHM thing because they didn't have maternity leave and afterwards my position was no longer available. It set my career back a lot and still hasn't recovered.#34
It absolutely sucks. I went back at 6 weeks after my second (left my job with my first because it was pre-ACA and my pregnancy was considered a “preexisting condition” which meant I didn’t qualify for insurance or any type of leave, unpaid or not)It sucked. A lot. Most of my coworkers are middle aged and had wives who stayed home when their kids were young and the number of times I was asked “what? Back already?!? Why aren’t you home?” made me stabby. I’m here because I can’t afford to lose my job by taking additional leave and you jerks keep voting against policies that would help my family.
#35
I took 2 months using sick/vacation time (I got a lot of leave so it wasn't a big deal). Husband had 2 months paid family leave. Total costs were under 1k.I was losing my mind by then and was thrilled to go back to work. A year sounds like torture.
We're planning baby 2 and with this job they pay for short term disability so I'll get paid 60%
#36
I went back at 7 weeks. I did have 60% paid and 12 weeks but I had to take time before my baby was born to go on bedrest. I was the first year into my career and my husband had just graduated from college and was planning to be a sahd for the first year. At 60% we couldn’t make ends meet so i had no choice whether to go back or not.I pumped and my goal was one year too. I can’t tell you how many obstacles I had to fight to pump at work but I stood my ground and pumped for my baby. My supply went down towards the end but I tried all of the tricks to keep it up. I made it 13 months.
You can do this mama! Hugs
#37
Man that sucks. And I have been there. It just sucks so much. When I went back to work at six weeks, I had FINALLY established my supply and I was okay with 2-3 times a day. My supply was fine and I just nursed baby as long as he wanted after I got home. If you can get/make a pumping bra, you can also pump in your car to and from work if you're worried about supply.I can tell you that it's always hard, but it does get easier. And you can do this, and you're amazing for caring and trying so hard for your child.
#38
Maternity leave here is so inadequate, if it even exists at a job.My second-to-last job before two kids and the military got in the way, my manager tried to (and successfully had for a couple days) fire her assistant manager because she was in the hospital giving and recovering from birth. The AM had no idea until she came in several days after the birth to show her new baby off and the M was all, "uh, b*tch, bye!"
No one knew at that point besides M and the Big M Upstairs. There was a kerfluffle for a few days after that with M claiming AM just [friggin] failed to show up at work for no apparent reason so the firing was totes justified. Fortunately AM had texts and whatnot to back up her side of the story, plus, you know, a motherf**king newborn.
AM ended up coming back to work two weeks after giving birth because she was so afraid of losing her job.
God, I'm still so bitter about it. M was such a flaming incompetent bitchface. She also tried to fire an older woman for having a stroke and being hospitalized. Peacing out of that job for a better one was one of the best days of my life.
#39
I'm a public school teacher and I'm in the same boat. It sucks, I can take 12 weeks additional unpaid but who can afford that? I'm hoping to be able to squeeze out an extra 4-6 weeks off with our savings. 6 or 8 weeks old is terrifying to be leaving them at daycare.#40
I was a teacher, and in a state that allowed sixteen weeks unpaid maternity leave. We planned (and got) a February baby so I took off 3.5 months until the end of the school year. Our daughter was almost six months old when I returned to work. I was paid for all my sick and vacation days. The district's policy was to use them all before allowing FMLA to kick in (I don't know if everyone does it that way.). Because we had planned in advance, I started saving months before even getting pregnant, and we were okay financially during maternity leave.I know that we were fortunate in our experience and it's not the same for everyone. One of my co-workers was out on bed rest during her pregnancy, so she was only able to take two weeks off when the baby was born before returning to work.
#41
Uuugh, preach. My blood was boiling after my HR meeting (which included finding out adding a dependent to my insurance will eat 1/4 of my monthly take-home pay). I seriously do not know how new moms without a working partner handle it. The only silver lining is that they approved me using both sick and vacation time (whoo, what a vacation), and I might be able to collect SDI for three weeks at 50% pay.How the US treats it's female workforce is appalling. Seriously?! Does no one understand how women are disadvantaged in the workplace with this BS and treating maternity and childbirth like a burden instead of a normal life event that is shared by/benefiting both men and women? /rant
#42
Yeah try having a minimum wage job, they offered me 8 weeks leave but none of it was paid. America is pathetic when it comes to maternity leave unfortunatel#43
Due to how the laws work in the US, there's no real way to know how much time you're going to have off. My last job (law firm) would have made me use all my PTO (12 days) and then I'd have nothing else to take. They had 12 employees, so FMLA laws didn't apply to them.One friend, a doctor, had to take her 2 weeks PTO and then got 10 weeks FMLA unpaid. She has the same insurance I do (husbands are coworkers) and her prenatal+birth expenses were about $2,000 (she was also high risk).
On the other end of things, another friend, an engineer, just went on maternity leave and is getting 12 weeks at 100% pay. I didn't ask how much her expenses were.
Because of this, my husband and I are considering popping out a kid before I finish school/get another job. I'm currently in school to swap careers and if we waited until I got out, got a job, waited until FMLA would be an option... I'd be 32 (29 now).
#44
I got no paid leave so I quit my job at 36 weeks. My bosses knew my plan so I had hired and trained a replacement, left things on a good note all around, and they continuously offer to re-hire me when positions open up. Thankfully my husband makes enough for that to have been an option.My medical bills came to just under $18k, and I'm still paying them off two years later. Pregnancy #2 will only be about $3500 total thanks to Obamacare being in full effect now and covering a lot more! Neither includes the monthly health insurance premium of about $700 both times.
#45
My son was born on a Wednesday and I was back at work on Monday. I work for my family’s business and have been a single mom from the jump. Now my son is almost two and I work six days a week to keep up. God bless America, right?
Image credits: lsant712
#46
I had 15 weeks, so I was lucky. Then I went back to work while my husband took leave from school to be with the baby. He was her primary caregiver for the next six months. It was the best choice for all—we didn’t have to put her in daycare, and my husband still says one of the best gifts he’s ever gotten was six months with his daughter like that.But it was hard for me to see them bond like glue during that time — she was strictly a daddy’s girl for a year after he went back to his program. And he’d send me pictures of her 'firsts,' and I was super jealous. But I was the one with the full time job and there just really was no choice.
Image credits: jenniferj32
#47
I had a baby last January and took 10 weeks of maternity leave total. I returned to my job at the start of the pandemic (I’m a nurse). Thankfully New York state has paid family leave but it’s definitely not enough for most families.
Image credits: ihategnomes
#48
California teacher here. People assume that teachers get paid maternity leave (possibly because there are a lot of young women and mothers in the field) but we do NOT. We get zero days of paid leave. We get the federally mandated 12 weeks unpaid leave, but if we need financial support during that time we have to use our sick leave. This means that most of us can’t take the full 12 weeks off.I think a lot of women go into teaching with the hope that it will fit well into a parenting schedule (kids at school while you’re at work, summer and winter breaks) without realizing that we have very few options when it comes to maternity leave. Furthermore, if you get pregnant before getting tenured, there is a very real chance that you could lose your position. Teachers who are not tenured are on temporary contracts. When the school year ends, so does your job, unless the school 'invites' you back. Being pregnant does not improve your odds
Image credits: emily463e6ddb9
#49
I had a great experience. The company I was working at offered 12 weeks fully paid. The day my daughter was born, they changed the maternity leave policy from 12 weeks to 24 weeks fully paid.
Image credits: wittygem67
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