Toxic masculinity is a term that has evolved over time and now has a place both in academia and everyday speech. In short, it describes the negative aspects of exaggerated masculine traits.
A few days ago, Reddit user TacoHellDriveThru decided to figure out what that means for men personally. So they submitted a question to r/AskReddit, saying: "What's a form of toxic masculinity you've experienced in your life as a male?" TacoHellDriveThru specified they only wanted serious answers, and serious answers are what they got.
#1
I got made fun of for wearing lifesaving safety gear on job sites. There are people now who can't taste, smell, or hear properly because they were too stubborn to put on earplugs and safety glasses, since it's 'not manly' to protect yourself apparently.
Image credits: YikesWazowski_
#2
I always wear seatbelts in cars, but every so often, someone will scoff or poke fun that I put my seatbelt on when we share a cab or an Uber. I don't feel like smashing out my front teeth if the driver gets into a fender bender.
Image credits: SnooFox5
#3
Men in a group tend to sexualize any and all womenI hate that
Also growing up I got s**t for not knowing about cars, like cause I’m a dude I should have the knowledge of a mechanic
Image credits: FullMetalDuck89
#4
My favorite color is purple. I've tried to wear purple, and nope, too many dumbass comments.
Image credits: raymondspogo
#5
My earliest memory of toxic masculinity was when I was on my first grade basketball team. We got to pick our jersey numbers. I chose 14 because it was my aunt's number, who was a D1 college player at the time. When I told them this, the coaches laughed at me. Apparently looking up to a non-male athlete was frowned upon, even though none of the coaches made it past high school.
Image credits: TacoHellDriveThru
#6
Getting sh*t on for not caring about sports. I'm sorry, I just don't want to spend my time watching people run around a field. And no, I don't want to play sports video games either.
Image credits: ChrisIsaPrickX26
#7
My old roommate was the definition of toxic masculinity. He told his parents the other night that all other guys who go to the gym are 'betas,' while he is a 'biological alpha' and then proceeded to make fun of out-of-shape people at the gym.
Image credits: Billiesoceaneyes
#8
I grew up in a culture with a lot of toxic masculinity, so it's not easy to get rid of these ideas, like that I am not allowed to be sensitive and submissive to my wife, which I am.
Image credits: badthoughts87
#9
I paint my nails, and oh boy, the downright ignorant comments I would get from people at work astounded me. Like, why? A-holes.
Image credits: connorjacobz
#10
I remember in high school (I went to an all-boys school), I would go to watch my older sister play hockey, and I’d get made fun of. I never understood what the problem with going to watch a women’s hockey game was, especially one where my older sister was playing.
Image credits: SharkPerson
#11
People would make fun of me for watching certain movies or listening to certain songs, where a woman was singing. It got to a point where I was so self-conscious.
Image credits: Sadboi225
#12
I paint my nails and hooooooo boy the amount of sexist, homophobic, and downright ignorant comments I would get from people while at work astounded me. Like, why?#13
As much as I hate term 'toxic masculinity', here goes.I was bullied in elementary school because I was an easy target. As in I wasn't violent and I was different, was bit of a nerd, and didn't care about sports, and so on. And yeah, everything civilized was attempted to stop the bulling, but nothing worked. I was even punished for being bullied because of typical school bureaucracy nonsense such as "bullies can't be changed but you can", and "boys will be boys". One time I was punished for just being in a wrong place and doing nothing when everyone else got away with 0 consequences.
You know what worked? In few situations I've beat the s**t out of bullies, I didn't care about pain, but they did. Also, I'm much stronger than I look, so that's a plus. Every time I would retaliate, bullies would be less eager to attack me. One time I was being picked on by this guy who was like 2 years older and quite taller than me, and when I retaliated, we were separated and he tried to laugh it off. I was never picked on by him again.
But bulling didn't completely stop until I moved to a different class with less violent students. Pretty sad how low state of society is with some things...
#14
Apparently guys are absolutely required to like any attention from a girl even if it's invasive as f**k or borderline rapey.#15
I am currently in therapy to unlearn all the toxic behaviours I learned growing up. I learned in my 30s that feelings aren't a burden to be suppressed and ignored.#16
My dad. He's never been wrong about a god damn thing in his life. The solution to a problem he picks is the only solution.Examples include: lighting fires under our water pipes to thaw them out in cold weather for hours to fix a blockage, setting our house on fire at one point, when it turned out the block was at an elbow that was easily broken loose once mom found it. Another is his insistence on gluing s**t together with silicone to 'fix' vehicles. If I have a bad day, I clearly need a higher dose of antidepressants, as I'm a man and I'm not allowed to have negative emotions. Launching a piece of plastic into my eye breaking open the box of our water valve and it's my fault because I was 'sticking my face in it'
If the man decided he was gonna headbutt his way through a brick wall, he wouldn't stop until his skull broke. He's ridiculous.
#17
People act like I'm suspicious or dangerous when I travel alone with my daughter.Every time I go out in public without her mother I get people watching me closely. I parked my car in a parking lot to feed her lunch a while back (didn't want to take her inside due to COVID) and a group of people gawked and circled our vehicle in their truck a few times. That is not an uncommon experience for me.
I'm legitimately afraid to take her into a family bathroom because I fear some Karen is going to call the police and tell them I am doing something unspeakable because God forbid a man act like a nurturing parent in public. I'm scared I'm going to get a gun pulled on me in front of my daughter.
A lot of people assume that a lone man with a child or adjacent to children is a predator by default.
If they're not assuming I'm a predator, I still get comments like "Babysitting for mom?" No, I'm not babysitting for mom. I am her parent and I'm every bit as capable at it as her mother. Me taking my child to the park and feeding her lunch isn't "babysitting" just because I am doing it alone.
#18
I work at a grocery store.I was ringing one day and one of the other register employees was giving this older gentleman a really hard time about wanting a bag to carry his stuff. She said something to the degree of “Come on! You should be able to carry that on your own; you’re a man. You’re supposed to be strong!” The dude had a cane with him. I’m not even sure if she realized what she was saying was demeaning and toxic. I turned around and gave her a WTF look.
She didn’t last too long.
#19
When someone is bothering my girlfriend and everyone just looks at me to jump in straight away. Like damn I was wanna enjoy my taco, she can definitely fight her own battles sometimes tho#20
Ohhh this is a recent example. I was driving my father home from physical therapy and I was turning left at this intersection. Construction in the intersection forced me to get in the right-most left turn lane and when the light turned green, I went to change lanes but the truck next to me wouldn't let me in the lane. I had to remain in the other lane, unable to go anywhere, and my father screamed at me (not nicely) to "grow some balls". Joke’s on him tho because I already have a pair#21
I had a picture of my brother and me in my Profile picture with our arms over each other’s shoulders. As a male nurse, some people think you’re gay already but one of my coworkers was sure that having my brother in my profile picture meant that I was gay.#22
Being harassed by women multiple times and having it dismissed because I'm a man.#23
People trying to use their size to intimidate or invalidate you.#24
I was labelled gay for years because I would always turn up to parties with a taxi full of girls. Usually left with them too but somehow that made all those guys scared of me#25
After the final exam, my classmates and I went to a nearby bar to drink our pains away. I ordered a lime Margarita and was mocked by both the males and females that it was a girly drink. Same thing when I ordered a long Island afterwards. (I've now moved to cosmopolitans, since three or four can get me happy drunk, and tastes awesome!)#26
I grew up in a cowboy town. I saw a guy fall off his horse and break his leg. He refused to be helped off and insisted in getting back on his horse and riding out. There was an ambulance right there.#27
Being called soft because I had to meet a therapist for my anxiety.Tbh I am not aggressive , enthusiastic , carefree guy. I don't know how that makes people to consider me softhearted.
#28
Almost everyone I know has at some point ridiculed or bullied me because I don't like or want a car.#29
"Cooking is the woman's job" said to me when I told them I like to cook#30
For not smoking, drinking or doing drugs.#31
My dad told me to keep crying like a girl when I was pissed when he would listen to me.Context: I was flying a drone that I couldn’t control the direction of. I told him this repetitively and said let’s stop flying it. He didn’t listen and then it flew onto a tree. Then he got pissed at me.
#32
I was constantly called gay in middle school and high school because I was single, had good hygiene habits, and was generally respectful towards women.#33
I was an expressive, artistic, and cute boy who was different than my two brothers who loved sports. Ultimately, more intellectual. Because my brothers loved sports, they were taken under the wings of my uncles while I was ignored and looked down upon. My uncles even took my childhood best friend who is the same age as me under their wings essentially. Then they took a neighborhood friend under their wing essentially creating an internal dynamic with myself that something was wrong with me and why am I always separated out of the crowd. They would take them to sporting events and other things like that. I tried to play softball and other sports, but always ended up getting embarrassingly hurt because I didn’t have years of experience playing, but put myself out there in a vulnerable place many times over and tried so so so many times to gain some validation from any fatherly figure. The fatherly figures of my brother, best friend, and neighbor. My father was a depressed alcoholic, so I never looked up to him unfortunately. My brothers while growing up were bully’s. As I grew up, I became cynical, more quiet, and became invisible on purpose. I eventually realized I was gay when I hit puberty, but even then, since I was a conscious being, I was singled out by my uncles powered by toxic masculinity.I’m fine, successful, and thriving, but growing up with only being able to invest, have faith, and learn to trust in myself always has been a blessing and a curse. I didn’t get here without any setbacks or challenges. It would be great if I could get a pat on my back.
#34
Had to go through the Modern Army Combative course. Aside from it being physically difficult, the level of toxic masculinity was off putting. One instructor told us he was so committed to the job, earlier in the year he came home from a deployment and went straight to the gym. It’s like, dude you’re a terrible husband, and a loser.#35
I remember in High School (I went to an all-boys school), I would go to watch my older sister play hockey, and I’d get made fun of. I never understood what the problem with going to watch a women’s hockey game was, especially one where my older sister was playing.#36
I've been called 'gay' for rescuing a starving kitten and taking it to the RSPCA.
Image credits: AmunPharaoh
#37
I called a friends dog cute and he said calling something cute was gay.
Image credits: TacoHellDriveThru
#38
Every guy is told 'to man up' at some point. I still don’t know what 'manning up' is.
Image credits: Salty-Tortoise
#39
Mainly how boys are raised to disregard pain and view emotions as a nuisance to be avoided and stifled. It’s helpful for getting things done but not so good for being mentally healthy.
Image credits: SSDD1
#40
My mother in law told me to stop whining and "man up", we were new parents and I was working nights. The only thing I said was that I was "tired". It's stuff like that. I'm actually clinically depressed, but I never talk about it because I'm 6'3" and masculine so I'm not allowed to feel sad or tired.
Image credits: DarkPasta
#41
I got raped by an ex. Nearly everyone I've told starts by arguing the toss that it wasn't actually rape.
Image credits: ReadingBagder
#42
When I told someone I was a chef, they told me that career path was for women.
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#43
Being called gay because I work with children!
Image credits: Theholynun
#44
I was expected to be able to chug alcohol and just keep on going. I just can't. I have a low threshold. I can't have like five shots of tequila and go about my business. I'll be a mess.
Image credits: trappd_under_ice
#45
Gay rugby player, apparently only played to touch the guys... f*** that you old fat f***er with a 48inch waist, no I don’t want to touch your micro penis. Oh and here’s a hand off to the face!
Image credits: gingeadventures
#46
For being straight but exclusively using the gay trainers on Peloton. They are more fun and have better music, sorry not sorry.
Image credits: rafferty85
#47
A girl threw herself at me when I was 14, and I turned her down.Healthy reaction: I don't really know her, she's my sister's best friend, and I'm just not ready.
Toxic male inspired reaction: Why didn't I just f**k her? What's wrong with me? Am I gay?
Image credits: AlterEdward
#48
Was at the weight room at high school and all the jocks saw me and they were making fun of me for trying to lift since I was a big boy back then. When I say they were jocks, I mean muscles, tall, and hard-core abs. When I went to lift they kept on saying they couldn't believe I was actually attempting to lift.I set the high school record of lifting 285lbs. Doing 2 sets of 10 reps.
#49
I guess mine isnt so bad but its the constant feeling of not being "man" enough because I dont like sports, cars and because I am not handy at all. I know gender is a social contrust but to always feel like I am "too much of a girl" to be a real man has always affected me.Also that I am not allowed to be sensitive and submissive. LIke I dont like to take charge in my relationship. My wife is more dominant than me and I love that but it also makes me feel bad because I constantly hear and see that I should be "the man"! I should be the one who makes the big decisions and etc. And because I dont my wife wont really desire me.
I grew up in a culture with a lot of toxic masculinity so its not easy to get rid of these ideas.
#50
Oh another one for me is when I grew my hair out. Most guys called me gay and that it looked girly. Yet, I was dating more women than ever during that time because a lot of the women I dated loved the hair. So I guess being straight is gay?
Image credits: TacoHellDriveThru
#51
The coach of our varsity football team was also my biology teacher. When I was 15 and he was a giant of a man, he attacked me and beat me up in the middle of class but because of his position as coach of the football team, all he got was a slap on the wrist. And I got a year of bullying by the entire football team until I moved away a year later.
Image credits: Felonious_Scrotum
#52
Everyday I’m baraded by guys spouting bulls**t. Yesterday was about trucks, the day before it was guys calling other guys ‘girls’, day before that some guy was b***hing about clean energy in Texas. Shut the f**k up. Shut the f**k up. No one in the room cares. Don't talk to me about what I should eat, why I shouldn’t do my taxes, why the US is great, why foreign automobiles aren’t good. Shut the f**k up.#53
A redneck fellow student in highschool "joked" about how he should rape me. I was goth, so I guess it's how he'd "show me" for being depressed and wearing makeup to school.
Image credits: HoonArt
#54
Lost power during a cold (and wet) spell pre-covid. As the building management guy who also lived in the building, I was tasked to stay on-site for the entire 10 days to coordinate repair efforts while the rest of the residents left for hotels/relatives' places. On the 7th day, I also got food poisoning and spent the day expelling from both ends while taking time in between to meet with contractors. The then girlfriend came home later that evening to see me pale, dehydrated, shivering, and exhausted in bed wearing all of my snow clothes. She asked how I was, I said "rough" and she went on to say how her day was so much worse because of some office drama. After her rant she asked why I didn't go make myself some tea as if I was stupid enough to not consider it.She was a self-proclaimed feminist but was always blind to my needs.
Image credits: mongolian_chicken
#55
My father felt the need to “pass on” knowledge he learned from his father, unfortunately it was abuse, emotional in my case
Image credits: IndividualCommittee8
#56
Back when I was in high school, I wasn't beat up for being gay, I was "gay" because I was constantly getting beat up.Also, I was closer to bi, but with experiences like that behind me, it was simpler to be "straight."
#57
I've spent my first year at college rooming with someone who is the definition of toxic masculinity. Constantly makes irritating noises to prove that he's a "man," such as yawning, moaning, farting, burping, sighing, clearing his throat, and talking annoyingly loudly, all of which he does in a very aggressive manner. He'll also randomly workout in the room at odd hours, and he'll grunt loudly every time he does a pushup. The guy will also stand in front of the mirror, admiring his body that in all honesty isn't even that muscular (what muscle he does have is built by creatine). But the worst thing he does is put other guys down. He told his parents the other night that all other guys who go to the gym are "betas" while he is a "biological alpha." He then proceeded to make fun of out of shape people at the gym (isn't the whole point of the gym to get in good shape?). He's made my life a living hell at school (disregards covid restrictions as well), but the administration makes it extremely difficult to change roommates because "tradition," so I'm stuck with him for the rest of the year.
Image credits: Billiesoceaneyes
#58
Decorating my home I’m a single guy. I enjoy having a really nice looking place to live in. I carefully choose things for my home. I get the occasional remark about it. I don’t let it bother me but hey.#59
Growing my hair long and in a ponytail. Get call girlie. When I had it cut on #2 I was told I look like I just got out of prison. Look in mirror and judge yourSELF#60
I’m told it’s effeminate to rest with one hand on your hip or stick out my pinky finger when grasping a cold drink container. Sadly it’s my wife’s distorted idea of what’s manly, who tells me.#61
Being too romantic as a teenager with my dates, and still being virgin in my late teens caused my friends to tease me, and some telling me if I wasn’t man enough. This was a common “peer pressure” at school.#62
I like listening to KPop and am a big fan of BTS and BlackPinkApparently as a man I can't listen to a boy or girl group.
#63
Background: my wife is the bossy “Karen” type. Sex is a quick wam-bam most of the time then clean up and go separate ways. Hates to cuddle. Refuses. That sort.Once I had tears in my eyes during an emotional discussion and she laughed and says “wow you really are the girl in this relationship and I’m more the man! I don’t want to cuddle but you do. You get more emotional.” She said I was more feminine. Even when I lost family members she’s never seen me shed a tear since. Which is hard af during the (original) Mufasa scene... last year I fell and hurt my tailbone. One night I decided to sit in the tub, hot water... she walks and and looks in and laughs “you’re sick a girl!”
#64
About five years ago, I feel into a deep depression. I have been wrestling with the problem since I was a teen. I refused to see counselors for years until I snapped. As a man the expectations are to "hang tough". "Real men" don't need counseling was sort drilled into my head because it exhibited weakness. When I became suicidal, I had to leave my job and quite a few people insinuated I was weak. I sought treatment with the help of a psychologist and a counselor. That's when I realized the "manliness" garbage was toxic. I hate sports, cars and bullshit. I spend my time with my awesome wife not weekends with "the boys" ignoring my family. I haven't looked back since.#65
Being made fun of for expressing an emotion other than the two that are allowed. Happy or angry, preferably about sports.#66
A literal necklace, my taste in jewelry is where I love gems, and of course when my grandmother died, being a child I saw her black gemmed necklace that looked like a shark tooth necklace but with gems and gold, and I was told no by my father cuz it wasn’t ‘manly’same with a heir style where I had my back bit of hair on top of my head up in a short like tail, and the front just going forward, and i wasn’t allowed to wear it , because it wasn’t manly,#67
Got called gay because I hung out with girls ( I just enjoyed hanging with girls more because no male toxicity at the time)When I was young I used to be super emotional and people would just say I'm a cry baby and males shouldn't act like that etc.
#68
Being told I was “gay” or “pussy a** b***h” for the car I drove in high school. Jokes on them; I own a heavily modified Audi SUV now and they still drive the cars their parents bought them.#69
Typical experience growing up.Hugging or showing affection to my friends (sober as when you're drunk, apparently this is ok?!)
Them: Hey, why are hugging (or showing affection) to your mates (male and female)? Are you gay (males) or are you trying to hit that (females)?
Me: They're my friends, why wouldn't I show them that I care about them?
Them: Dude that's gay or you so want hit that aye?
#70
My dad would constantly tease me for having a baby doll and for watching My Little Pony. He's really awesome, he just never realized that what he thought of as joking and teasing was actually really hurtful.In Elementary school, I was made fun of for being weird by a lot of people, and the rest of the people were only nice to me when they needed help with homework. I cried a few times, and was told to man up and deal with it. Again, the teacher who said it was a really great person, he just didn't realize how negative those words were.
So I haven't experienced it much, but when I did, it came from people I looked up to, and who were some of my biggest supporters, which made it hurt a lot more than it would otherwise.
#71
I'm a fairly good looking guy, I seem to be a type for many. Not that I identify with being handsome, it's just clear people are physically attracted to me more than average.With that said, I lost count of the amount of time women have made inappropriate remarks, or came on to me in ways that we're well beyond comfortable, and my male colleagues or friends made fun of me when trying to get out of these extremely cringey and awkward situations. Because I was just supposed to go and f**k these women, right?
First world problem, I know.
#72
Went to the toilet in a busy pub, cubicle was taken. Waited outside the cubicle because I like my privacy. Some guy decided I was waiting to use the cubicle because I had a small penis.Thought it was a bit gay that he wanted to know how big my penis was but there you go.
#73
Been pressured into doing things like trying beer because it's "what men do."#74
People would make fun of me for watching certain movies, or being smaller than everyone else, or wanting to be seen as “cute.” It got to a point where I was so self conscious that I’d be embarrassed listening to a song where a woman was singing.#75
Growing up being called a flake by my father and not being late like either he ment the other flake....I was destroyed by that ended up trying to prove myself to him..Even joined usmc to prove I wasn't a flake... The Marine corps broke me down and built me back up.. graduating boot camp was the proudest I've ever seen my father..... But inside I'm sad and lonely... I'm a straight Caucasian male who enjoys dancing and dressing to the nines. I just followed the beat to My own drum and my father couldn't understand that.. he ended up disowning me back in 1992... My father died in 2005 and I didn't hear about it until 2015.. what I've discovered is be yourself no matter what whoever says whatever that's on them it's their problem not yours just be who you want to be and just be the best you can be.then you're ended with resentments and resentments are like you taking poison expecting them to die...from Bored Panda https://bit.ly/2NKQq7j
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