Our behavior, and the actions that follow it, speak more than thousands of words. So often all you need to do is to sit back and watch people. Remember your male colleague who always uses that patronizing tone of voice when talking to you? Yes, it’s annoying, and no, he doesn’t sense it.
But what if it’s a tell-tale sign that the guy has internalized toxic masculinity? What if this is a precise indication that he feels insecure or somewhere deep down, even threatened by you? You may only speculate or see what guys have to say on the subject matter themselves.
The question “What is a tell-tale sign that a man is insecure about his masculinity or himself in general?” on r/AskMen got a bunch of people sharing what they think are the red flags. And it’s truly eye-opening!
#1
Constant attempts to "one-up" anything and anyone at anytime.TheDangler:
Ah yes. The "one upper." We had one at a job I worked years ago and I started lying to him to see what he would say. My favorite was when a new Taco Bell opened and I asked if he knew about the secret menu, specifically the "Quattro Macho Guapo Nachos." Apparently, yes, he had ordered them before.
Image credits: The_Obi-Wan
#2
If he claims to be an “alpha male” - dude, if you have to tell people (loudly and often) that you’re alpha, you are definitely not
Image credits: jhope71
#3
His view on what makes a man a man is narrow. In his mind, there are only 2-3 types of men and other types are wrong
Image credits: w1987g
#4
Trying to dominate a conversation or activity for no reason/Being needlessly competitive
Image credits: TheBookOfSeil
#5
Always fighting to be right no matter what, even if someone obviously knows what they are talking about.
Image credits: Beccaaaaaalolz
#6
Over the top displays, or almost caricatures, of masculinity. Making an effort to communicate dominance, like the sticker you described
Image credits: ryanb450
#7
When he's not supportive of the other men in his life. A truly masculine man loves and supports his brothers and celebrates their achievementAn insecure man brings others down to prove he's on "top"
Image credits: Vega3gx
#8
Constantly looking for the need to brag about your wealth and physical prowess, especially on social media. I know a few dudes who define themselves by the amount of money they've made or how they're better than everyone because they practice a certain martial art
Image credits: Retro_Riven
#9
creates a nickname for himself
Image credits: FaberGrad
#10
Judging people on their choice of shirt and vehicle
Image credits: Comfortable_Storm_59
#11
I go to the gym a lot, I've seen guys ripped af yet don't show it off. Then I see the guys who think they need to show off every muscle in their body and have close to no actual muscle.Or simply people on any online game with the name "alpha"
If you are alpha you don't need to show it off like its a big deal lol
Image credits: UselessAccounts2020
#12
When someone gets upset over something as silly as the way another man enjoys his comfortable clothing, takes care of their body, or the way they like their vehicles.
Image credits: TurtleChickenFart
#13
Insecure about himself: he’s middle age but constantly shares photos of himself in his “prime” such as football team, military uniform etc
Image credits: weasel999
#14
Pretending to know something about a subject they don’t understand.
Image credits: bayswimmer23
#15
Homophobia
Image credits: Error-29
#16
Any guy who thinks the words alfa and beta mean anything in a social group
Image credits: idc55342
#17
Worrying about face and honour and fighting over it.I've never been in a fight. 99% of my friends have never been in a fight. None of my colleagues have ever been in a fight.
Yet... you come across these f**wits who seem to think that it's normal. Quite often they complain about it. "Aw I can barely leave my house without someone starting sh*t".
In every single scenario, it is them who is the problem
Image credits: Tundur
#18
When i was in the army we would definitely see people who were bullied in high school and decided to be "billy badass" and join the military then they would be teased and hazed a little as privates. But as soon as they got their own little team and a taste of power they would be the ones that made everyone's lives much more miserable than they needed to be reveling in being the tormenter.
Image credits: eleazar1997
#19
People online who post cringey graphics of a lion or the joker with an equally cringe quote next to it saying something along tbe lines of "followers work for other, the alpha works for themselves" with some dollar signs next to it. Or other similar "motivational woke" posts
Image credits: dimdimthelesser
#20
Here are some that I’ve seen: 1. Constant need to be in a relationship or have a “girlfriend” no matter how he feels about her. 2. Guys who talk sh*t about women who speak up or needlessly call them names 3. Guys who are uncomfortable being CLOSE emotionally or physically around other men in fear of being gay or emasculated. Also just trust your gut around people. Everyone has insecurities but there’s a fine line as to when it’s a part of people verses when people are a part of them
Image credits: riripaanda
#21
The worst are guys who use hashtags on instagram like #realman, #realmen, #realmenhavebeards, #manly, #man, #men, #alphamale, #intelligent, #smart, etc.I'm like dude, I've never seen a confident masculine man ever once use [things[ like that. If you have to tell the world you're a "real man", or how "intelligent" or "alpha", you are... you aren't. hahaha
Image credits: Nickolai808
#22
Guys who brag about how much sex they have. Ok we get it, you have sex
Image credits: vidrenz
#23
The only sign I can think of is going out of your way to prove that you are not insecure about your masculinity and/or yourself in general. Secure people aren’t looking to be validated for being secure
Image credits: Plebe-Uchiha
#24
When he doesn’t let his girlfriend/wife wear sexy outfits in public
Image credits: Darth_Xenic
#25
Whenever the dude constantly asks for validation from other people
Image credits: psychowolf00
#26
Aggression and violence. Many insecure men use tactics of intimidation or just plain old violence because they feel attacked by everything, cant discuss like a normal grown up, feel like it proves they are a "real man" etc.
Image credits: DevilOuttaSpace
#27
Has to make any situation about them, has the be the "alpha", compensates not just with a truck but constant overt "look at me" actions, disregards your opinion immediately if they disagree, dismissive towards anyone who doesn't act like them, loud on purpose because they think everyone like the sound of their voice as much as they do, "act like a man bro", constant put downs, refuses to drink any non "manly" drink, mentions how big their d**k is (it isn't), thinks sport knowledge is a personality trait
Image credits: roovy60
#28
Makes gay jokes.
Image credits: SupaDawk
#29
Definitely show offs. If you are easily insulted by things tied to lack of masculinity(secretly liking pink for example) then you have fragile masculinity. Normally the truly masculine people are those that a true people. They don't need reassurance, they show emotion and the idea of girly colours, smells etc do not exist.
Image credits: ArchangelDeltius
#30
Procrastinates on difficult tasks. Often this is a sign that this man is insecure about their ability to produce good work and self sabotages in order to give themselves an out when the final result does not meet their standards or someone else’s standards.I’m guilty of this and many other behaviors that are deep down rooted in insecurities.
Image credits: 13ass13ass
#31
Responds to any TRULY constructive criticism negatively, and has to defend themselves from it
Image credits: 13FEAR
#32
AlphaMaleChad has entered the chat
Image credits: JonBoah
#33
If they think a beard equals a personality.
Image credits: trumpstinyd*ck666
#34
The best indication of insecurity I’ve seen in this thread is the guy who saw someone in real life who seemed hyper masculine and decided to post about him online with a leading question hoping the echo chamber would make him feel better
Image credits: RiMiBe
#35
Whenever he insults himself a lot, doesn't like to be complimented, when he acts very negative,These are some of the things that I do when I'm insecure.
Image credits: waifutabae
#36
Self-deprecation. Every now and then is fine, it's important to not take yourself too seriously, but when every conversation has a form of self deprecation from someone, it's pretty awkward
Image credits: [deleted]
#37
Constant need to demean or put others down
Image credits: Duffy1978
#38
How violent he gets if you call him gay
Image credits: Raemnant
#39
Just LOUD in general. Says he does't care what anyone says or thinks about him, but it reality seeks validation and attention from other people all the time
Image credits: Makivivu
#40
Trying to crush your hand when they shake it. Usually accompanied by fixing you with what they think is an intimidating stare.
Image credits: J8766557
#41
won't let his girl have friends
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#42
Putting nuts on their trucks probably
Image credits: Marquetan
#43
Thinking he can beat ANYONES ass, simply because he happens to be male
Image credits: dodojotaro
#44
Nearly all the responses describe one type of insecure man – the insecure alpha / frat / bro. For someone thats not that type such as myself, the signs would be more like: avoiding interaction, soft spoken, baggier clothes, looking down a lot, avoiding eye contact, basically retreating inward. Maybe thats just my depression tho, but it surely stems from insecurity
Image credits: Voldemort666
#45
My friend introduced me to a potential love interest of hers one evening. The conversation turned to what I look for in a guy and I said I like guys who own cats. The dude immediately cut me off and said ‘I’m sorry, there’s nothing wrong with a woman who owns a cat, but there’s something wrong with a guy who does.’ The next day my friend asked me what I thought of him and I told her he’s insecure
Image credits: Mello-Knight
#46
Emotionally abusive in relationships
Image credits: erika513
#47
Something I’ve noticed is if their standards for a relationship are low. For example they’re much more tolerant of toxic behavior and tend to believe that if a relationship isn’t going well, it’s always their fault
Image credits: the_convoy
#48
The "one upper." We had one at a job I worked years ago and I started lying to him to see what he would say. My favorite was when a new Taco Bell opened and I asked if he knew about the secret menu, specifically the "Quattro Macho Guapo Nachos." Apparently, yes, he had ordered them before
Image credits: TheDangler
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