
One woman, who goes by the Twitter handle SaraSuze, has shared a story which will sadly resonate with many women and indeed plenty of men.
Former lawyer SaraSuze put up a clothes dryer on the Letgo app, an app which allows you to buy and sell used items. Since the dryer was heavy and located in her basement, meeting a buyer in a public place would have been impossible. They would have to come and collect it from her home address.
As a safety precaution, SaraSuze decided to only allow buyers to pick up the dryer after 5pm, when her husband would be home. An interested buyer who worked nights asked if he could collect the dryer in the morning and SaraSuze agreed, as long as he arrived before her husband headed out.
A quick reminder for men: Common events for you can turn into really scary situations for women in a snap.Case in point: This week I listed a clothes dryer on the Letgo app. Because it was a dryer, a neutral meeting location was impractical. I needed it taken out of my house.
— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
To try to stay safe, I decided to only allow people to pick it up after 5 when my husband would be home. But a guy who works nights asked if he could come in the am instead; I said yes as long as you're here before husband leaves for work.— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
The next morning, buyer isn't here before husband leaves. I message and tell him not to come. He shows up 15 min later. In addition to being late, he has no dolly or help, despite the ad saying the dryer was in a basement & you'd have to remove yourself.— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
Things became more strange when it became apparent he had not brought along a dolly to help lift the heavy dryer, despite this being stated as a must in her advertisement.
Late and unprepared, the buyer asked if he could go into the basement to look at the dryer, before coming back with somebody else to help him.
Recounting her story in a Twitter thread, SaraSuze recalled her thought process:
I quickly try to assess my likelihood of danger, as every woman has done so, so many times. It’s instinct. First, what’s his age? Late 60s, early 70s. He’s tall but thin. Wearing a wedding ring. Hasn’t smiled at me strangely or looked at me for too long. I make a judgment call.She added:
Feeling like he’s more likely to be safe than unsafe, and feeling badly about not letting him see the dryer, I invite him in. Once in the basement, he’s POSITIVE he can get it out with just a LITTLE help he says, looking at me.
F*ck it. I pick up a side.
The next morning, buyer isn't here before husband leaves. I message and tell him not to come. He shows up 15 min later. In addition to being late, he has no dolly or help, despite the ad saying the dryer was in a basement & you'd have to remove yourself.— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
I quickly try to assess my likelihood of danger, as every woman has done so, so many times. It's instinct. First, what's his age? Late 60s, early 70s. He's tall but thin. Wearing a wedding ring. Hasn't smiled at me strangely or looked at me for too long. I make a judgment call.— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
Feeling like he's more likely to be safe than unsafe, and feeling badly about not letting him see the dryer, I invite him in. Once in the basement, he's POSITIVE he can get it out with just a LITTLE help he says, looking at me.— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
Fuck it. I pick up a side.
SaraSuze explained:
Walk to the stairs is fine. We’re sharing the work. With each stair, I’m feeling more and more of the weight. I’m sweating. Heaving. Pissed. Halfway up the stairs and it feels like he’s doing NOTHING.She added:
And then I see it. The look on his face.
He’s staring at me, hard. Right in the eyes, sly smile on his lips. My hair is matted to my forehead. I can’t get a comfortable grip. I’m just about to ask him what’s going on – is he even lifting? – when he starts to speak.SaraSuze also revealed the man had said far more revolting things, but she refrained from posting them publicly to avoid upsetting those who had experienced something similar.
‘Damn, girl. Look at you. Man, those thighs. Put em to work, huh? That sweat looks good on you. Workin thighs like that, I bet your husband is a happy man. C’mon, show me what you got.’ I was mortified. And I’m realizing I can’t get out. He & a dryer I’m lifting are blocking me.
Walk to the stairs is fine. We're sharing the work. With each stair, I'm feeling more and more of the weight. I'm sweating. Heaving. Pissed. Halfway up the stairs and it feels like he's doing NOTHING.— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
And then I see it. The look on his face.
He's staring at me, hard. Right in the eyes, sly smile on his lips. My hair is matted to my forehead. I can't get a comfortable grip. I'm just about to ask him what's going on – is he even lifting? – when he starts to speak.— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
"Damn, girl. Look at you. Man, those thighs. Put em to work, huh? That sweat looks good on you. Workin thighs like that, I bet your husband is a happy man. C'mon, show me what you got." I was mortified. And I'm realizing I can't get out. He & a dryer I'm lifting are blocking me.— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
The man ended up leaving without the drier. He later returned to her home at 10pm, but pretended to have gotten the wrong address when her husband answered the door.
The ordeal has taken an ’emotional toll’ on SaraSuze, who said:
The point – other than my being pissed and wanting to tell people – is that events like this, even when we come out ok, take an emotional toll. I was scared. He left more and more of the weight on me & watched me squirm. And now I have one more “thing” that I have to worry about.She added:
So men, if you want to be allies, then recognizing that assault is bad is just the minimum. For every sexual assault, there are thousands of events that don’t lead to violence but which scare the shit out of us, especially after our ‘assessment’ turns out to have been wrong.
And obviously, if you ever are in a woman’s home alone, whether during a service call or an online sale like this, accept if she’s home alone, she’s likely done the assessment. Respect her space, don’t do gross shit. The basics. Please.
So I do what women do, lower my eyes, pretend to laugh a little, start lifting faster. The comments and staring hey worse but I try to block them out. As soon as I am free of the basement I walk straight past him to my phone, wait 5 seconds, and say, "honey, the buyer is here!"— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
And wanna guess what happened? He left without buying it. Was this guy going murder me? Probably not. But I'm not sure. Am I pissed I had to worry about being murdered in my own home because grandpa creeper likes sweaty women? Yeah. Fucker.— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
The point – other than my being pissed and wanting to tell people – is that events like this, even when we come out ok, take an emotional toll. I was scared. He left more and more of the weight on me & watched me squirm. And now I have one more "thing" that I have to worry about.— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
And wanna guess what happened? He left without buying it. Was this guy going murder me? Probably not. But I'm not sure. Am I pissed I had to worry about being murdered in my own home because grandpa creeper likes sweaty women? Yeah. Fucker.— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
The point – other than my being pissed and wanting to tell people – is that events like this, even when we come out ok, take an emotional toll. I was scared. He left more and more of the weight on me & watched me squirm. And now I have one more "thing" that I have to worry about.— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018
But the bottom line is, this man’s behaviour was completely out of line; taking advantage of what should have been an ordinary transaction to make a woman feel unsafe in her own home.
If only we lived in a world where people did not just assume they could get away with such despicable and damaging behaviour.
If you have been affected by any of the issues in this article and wish to speak to someone in confidence contact the Rape Crisis England and Wales helpline on 0808 802 9999 (12-2:30 and 7-9:30). Alternatively you can contact Victim Support on 08 08 16 89 111.
Male Survivors Partnership is available to support adult male survivors of sexual abuse and rape. You can contact the organisation on its website or on its helpline – 0808 800 5005.
If you have a story you want to tell send it to UNILAD via stories@unilad.co.uk
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